Can't orgasm with partner

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by namelessonegrip, Jun 29, 2018.

  1. namelessonegrip

    namelessonegrip Fapstronaut

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    Hi Fapstrounauts! I'm a girl student and I'm 20 years old. I'm relatively new here (started NoFap at the beginning of May).

    I'm creating this thread 'cause I really need to feel that I'm not alone with this problem. Need some strength and inspiration from someone that gets my difficulties. And I only realized these needs when I relapsed on the 23rd of this month (I was on day 49 back then). And that happened just because I stopped believing in the future outcomes.

    Here's my story ...
    I started masturbating when the movie "Bel Ami" went out (2012). So I was ... 14. Since then, it was a regular thing. Sometimes every day of the week. Some other time twice a day. And when life became busier, two / three times a week.
    In the beginning, they were easy, simple and not-more-than-5/10-minutes sessions. Then, the pornography started being more exotic, complex, hardcore ... And the masturbation started to last longer and longer ... And nowadays I need almost an hour to come (sometimes some more). And I need to see various things until I orgasm. Pornography or manga hentai.
    I did not realize that this was a problem until I started my first sexual relationship with my current girlfriend. It's a new thing. 2 months since I started having sexual intercourse with her and 0 orgasms on my part. And I'm sure that she is not the problem. We are very open about what we want and do not want. Also: she commits very well to the thing. And I realize (or sense) that the wires on my brain are addicted to pornographic masturbation - everything that is outside that is strange.
    On the other hand, I think that I'm better. I have more pleasure now than on my first sexual episodes. But sometimes I believe that the feeling of "I'm feeling better and having more pleasure" is a comfortable lie that I impose on myself and start focusing on "I did not come with her already, so Pornography is not the problem.". But, if pornography (and everything that comes along with it) is the problem, it's more than expectable that 2 months are not enough to heal 6 years of addiction.

    So here it is... Hope that someone sees in here something that helps... And if someone out there sympathizes with this, feel more than welcome to post a reply.

    Let's just not stop believing on the purposes of this fight.
     
    u376, Wordinhaler and Roady like this.
  2. Jen@8675309

    [email protected] NoFap Moderator
    Staff Member

    It sounds to me like you've conditioned yourself to only respond to porn. The good news is, you're on the right track by starting a journal here and seeking help. The best recommendation I can give is to stop looking at porn, and stop masturbating. Save your sexual activity for when you ladies are together, and it also might not hurt to just let her know what you're dealing with. That will take the pressure off of you, because that might also be a factor. The harder you try to make it happen, sometimes the difficult and stressful it can be.
     
  3. EmmyB

    EmmyB Fapstronaut

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    Lack of orgasm is good. No need to give in to social pressures saying you should be climaxing. Don't touch your clit or let your girlfriend do it.
     
  4. Jen@8675309

    [email protected] NoFap Moderator
    Staff Member

    This is your opinion though. If orgasm is something @namelessonegrip is seeking, it's ok for her to try to get there. My impression wasn't that she was trying to have an O due to social pressure.
     
  5. namelessonegrip

    namelessonegrip Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your reply!
    Yes, I'm just able to orgasm with porn... And my girlfriend knows about this. I try to be very sincere with her in order to not feel any kind of omission between us. But yeah, it's still kind of difficult to eliminate all the "Is the orgasm going to happen today?". Trying to just enjoy the moment.
     
  6. namelessonegrip

    namelessonegrip Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your response. But there's no social pressures ;)
     
  7. It’s sounds like the same thing go through with porn induced erectile dysfunction. It’s just a conditioning in the brain that causes you to need certain stimuli to get there. I’d imagine if you stay with it long enough you’ll be able to get off again without porn. Everyone had a different recovery length but don’t be discouraged it does get better.
     
    Wordinhaler and namelessonegrip like this.
  8. namelessonegrip

    namelessonegrip Fapstronaut

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    Thank you :)
     
  9. namelessonegrip

    namelessonegrip Fapstronaut

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    Just to update this segment with exciting news!
    20 days since I relapsed when I was on my 49th day at the same No Porn Challenge. Even with the relapse thing - not saying that there is no problem in relapsing! But I think that it did not erase the whole journey - I see/feel many advantages. I'm more sensitive when I'm with my partner. And I had already come with her this week. Sometimes I relapse through thoughts. In other words, I sometimes think of the kind of sex I saw in Porn. But it has been less and less, almost none.
    So, I already feel some success. All I can say is one day at a time. The journey is not ended. And the motif exists.
     
    [email protected] likes this.
  10. Jen@8675309

    [email protected] NoFap Moderator
    Staff Member

    Great news, keep up the hard work!
     
  11. Kikfif

    Kikfif Fapstronaut

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    Yes! I'm on day2 of my journey, had this same problem. no O in real sex, so it's so nice to read this news from you. :)
    Go Girl!!
     
  12. namelessonegrip

    namelessonegrip Fapstronaut

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    Yeah! Go Girl to you too!! Don't stop believing ;)
     
  13. I
    I can tell from my side that the excessive porn watching makes normal sex often boring. I have mainly rough dudes. So this again is a different problem. But I was dating a guy for a while where it was normal sex. I could not come so we worked out that he needs to work more with the vibrator and stimulate me longer before he goes in... maybe that can help you too
     
  14. Any use of a vibrator will desensitize you - highly recommend binning it. From personal experience vibrators totally trashed my sensitivity. I used to O during normal sex but that ended as soon as I started using vibrators. Horrid things should come with a warning lol
     
    EmmyB likes this.
  15. Hi @namelessonegrip

    Good for you on getting started with this :D I have the same issues and I only wished I had realised at your age (I'm in my 30's now and only got started with quitting this year). I can tell you porn and in fact any kind of masturbation may interfere with your ability to O from sex or anything with a partner. 14 years ago I had never MO'd or watched porn in my life and I used to O from sex. Ruined all that with masturbation & porn. Recovery does happen though and I've made good progress so far, I remain porn-free but been slipping up lately though with fantasy MO's so I'm getting back on the horse! Glad to see you are having progress too, keep us posted :)
     
    EmmyB likes this.
  16. You could bring the vibrator I to your relation and make it part of the game
     
  17. Noo I'm working hard to get my orgasms completely by accident, from love and intimacy, the way it should be. This is the way i used to be. And if i knew then what i knew now, i never ever would have used a vibrator. Clits arent designed for vibration. Theyre designed for gentle rythumic touch but its very easy to mess that natural sensitivity up.
     
  18. Ok. Understand. I am always working on integrating what I experience I to something larger. Maybe you don’t feel what you used to feel. But you can possibly enhance your relation and the possibities you have might be a big plus. Just my thoughts to it
     
  19. No my sensitivity has increased massively since I stopped masturbating and fantasising and using porn. Had my first orgasm with a man for the first time in 14 years 46 days after quitting, but still much work to do :)
     
  20. Kikfif

    Kikfif Fapstronaut

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    @BluebellBunny
    Success Story!!
    I'm happy with your progress and also more hopeful
     
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