Can't be bothered to have sex any more

First thing that comes to mind is Monty Python, ‘you get it once a month... luxury’ but having a partner with low libido is no joke and regardless of what some people say this can contribute to the partner with the higher sex drive seeking other outlets such as porn.

I’m not justifying using porn, if you’re on this forum I’m assuming you want to quit so you don’t get a free pass because your partner has low libido.

Porn is so prevalent because it takes no effort on our part, with one click we can seek out whatever stimulation we want, we don’t have to worry about wining and dining, or getting consent, we get to orgasm, and we don’t have to work through all that messy relationship stuff. Perfect.

You may think that watching porn doesn’t affect your intimacy with you partner however time spent watching porn is time taken from a real relationship, even if you’re doing it at midnight when you’d be doing nothing else, it will affect your sleep, your mood and the way you function.

If it takes a lot of effort to get your partner interested, and then the sex really is hopeless then why bother?

Look I can relate to you, I’ve been married for over 30 years and I’m still into my wife like I was when we met and it breaks my heart that she’s not that into me, but there’s just so many other aspects in our relationship that work that I couldn’t imagine my life without her and if she left me because of porn well that would be one very poor trade off.

 

Have you talked to her about any of this? IMO you won't get anywhere unless you talk with her and are honest. You can't work out these issues by yourself.

 

i can relate very well to your situation. what helps me is questioning the importance sex has for me.
What do i think i need? why do i need it? why is it so important to me? I hoped for years that my wife would change again. certainly because she used to have a high sex drive. but then i realised why can't i change instead? easier and it's in my control.
To achieve this i'm doing, among other things, a 90 days no PMO (i'm married btw) which really helps to put things in perspective. 90 days would cover maybe 2 sex acts pretty much how you described it.
sex is just sex, there is so so much more. i'm a being created out of 3-4billion years of evolution and i'm going to let my drive for sex dictate my behaviour? do you realise and appreciate how much a billion years is? always crazy to me thinking about that.

anyways, my wife's sex drive dropped 8or 9 years ago and it's only the last year that i decided to let go and look to myself instead. obviously not an easy decision but i feel that it's the best for our relationship.

good luck to you.