Can I be forced to go to church?

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by WhyNotStop, Jun 9, 2019.

  1. Fightyourlowerself

    Fightyourlowerself Fapstronaut

    I'm completely with brokenman123 on this one - I would wait until marriage for sex. I also know people who have messed up their lives because of peer pressure around this.
    Brokenman123 likes this.
  2. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

    Pentecostal, oy vey. No wonder you're getting so much grief.
    Mr. McMarty likes this.
  3. Reuby

    Reuby Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Wow @WhyNotStop , I find your situation very relatable! My family is also pentecostal. Below is a summary of my situation.

    My parents aren't forcing me to church as such, although they might if I didn't want to go (I go out of habit and not wanting to upset anybody). I agree with others who say that since you still live at home, it is somewhat reasonable of your parents to expect you to go to church. But, you should still have an honest discussion with them.

    I think basically the only solution to both of our problems is moving out. If that isn't possible right away (earliest I could practically do so is in a year), then I guess we just have to suck it up? I don't know.

    I can relate to the emotional manipulation part. I have tried telling mum that I'm going to move out (main reason is to be closer to uni anyway, not to escape them), and she gets upset which makes me feel bad. Really annoying : (
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  4. WhyNotStop

    WhyNotStop Fapstronaut

    This is exactly how I feel! In want to be myself! Due to starting in college for an associates I'm basically stuck there until I get enough credits to move on to a University to get my bachelors. So I have two years to go. Then I'll be moving 6 hours from home and best of all No Student Loans!!!
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  5. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    I can relate to what your facing. I watched the whole music video you posted to express your feelings. That was hard to get through for me because of the subject matter and that he’s screaming profanity at God....

    But I get your point.

    I had a similar challenge and chose to hide my frustration. I kept pleasing my parents and stuffing down my feelings.

    It wasn’t till I was married and had 2 kids I finally snapped. Told everyone they weren’t going to tell me what to do. I went off. I’m still out there roaming around but the lights in my mind have come back on. I’m working to rebrand myself.

    Going to church has NOTHING to do with your relationship with God. Many of us go and have little to no relationship. We sadly find that we don’t change anything in our lives because we know God. We recognize it’s a tradition that is healthy but traditions don’t transform us, or change us.

    Your issue today is that you don’t hear God. Right ?

    But even if you did hear God’s voice—what good what it do? If he tells you to obey your parents —- what would you say? He he said to go back to your master—- and you feel like a slave—- what would you say? God requires faith, to connect. He can gift it to you , but you still need it. God , after all, is in here in spirit , and cannot be seen.

    I’m in the rebel lands man. I can’t stand anyone to tell me what to do and the danger is I am afraid of God, therefore I can’t have a relationship. Love has to come first. But to love him you need to read His words.

    I respect your denomination bro. No matter our feelings God gives us choice. Choose what you want. Do it. Even if it’s bad, but God can work with bad choices faster than he can work with Indecision, or hiding your heart.
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2019
  6. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

    Here's my thought about this.

    - You are, in one respect, quite right. No one can force you to believe, and obviously, adding an element of force makes the whole thing awfully unappealing.

    - On the other hand, you belong to a family; your family is, like it or not, a huge part of you. That will become ever more clear as you grow older, believe me. I'm 57, and I can remember when I was 19 like you. In the years since, I have come to realize so many things about my parents and how much I owe them, and how much they have shaped me; but almost none of that did I really understand when I was your age. I'm not being critical of you; it's just how things are.

    - It's obvious that your parents care about their faith, and they want you to share it. To you it may be about rules, and maybe that's really all it is, but I doubt it. I'm guessing your parents believe in heaven, and they believe their faith will help them get there. They may believe it is the necessary path. In other words, they want you to be in heaven with them. You can say what you like about that, but wanting you to enjoy heaven for eternity is hardly a hateful thing, agreed?

    - About "rules": the truth is, we all live by rules, most of which we don't have a say about. That's just how life is. Rules generally exist for a reason, and as a wise priest taught me, they exist to protect values. So of course we don't like observing them, and from time to time we break them. But at some point, we figure out the reason for them, and we see their value. If you ever played any sort of game, you instinctively see their value, because without rules being enforced, there is no game.

    - Consider looking at this whole thing less about you being pushed around, and more about something you can do for your parents, and also, for yourself. Your parents want you to be with them at church. And considering what they've done for you, is that really so much? Unless this is really some extremely whacked out church, it's not going to do you any harm, and there are lots of ways it can do you good. I'm guessing you can think of all those ways it can help you, if you try, without any help from me. Just the discipline of getting up at a certain time and getting showered and dressed, for example, as opposed to being lazy.

    - Consider this also as an opportunity for you to have a grown-up conversation with your parents. Be honest: "I'm not really all that convinced of what the pastor says/church believes, BUT: I respect and love and appreciate YOU, and if you ask this, I am more than prepared to give this to you for THAT reason. But what I ask in return, if you don't mind, is that you give me some space to form my own beliefs. You believe in God, so let God work on me his own way."

    - Also, recognize that this is a chance to spend time with your parents. Unless they are the worst people in the world (I doubt it), then you have lots of reasons to spend time with them. And there will come a day when you'll regret, more than you can imagine, that you didn't do it. If you love your parents -- sounds like you do -- you will never regret being generous with your time with them.

    - Then, of course, keep your part of the bargain with a generous spirit. Don't be grouchy or complaining; join them, be respectful and attentive. That doesn't mean you have to take part in things you don't care for or believe in; it should be possible simply to sit quietly.
  7. yyz33

    yyz33 Fapstronaut

    I would find a way to communicate that you will take a break from church to your family in a way so that you still can have a great and positive relationship with your family. They obviously can't force you to go to church. it's not the law.

    Conversations like that can be difficult I understand. However you should do it because if you continue to feel like you are being forced to go to church you might build resentment within you, and that will tarnish your relationship with your family anyways.

    I would read the book Crucial Conversations. It gives strategies on how to have these types of conversations while preserving and even strengthening the relationship you have with the other person. you can also get a job and work your way towards moving out.
  8. Whammy

    Whammy Fapstronaut

    Honestly i think if you live under your parents roof you need to follow their rules. If you don't, they can legally kick you out. Its annoying but its just how life works.
  9. Jungster

    Jungster Fapstronaut

    I COMPLETELY get you. I went through the same journey myself.

    I suggest you look at apologetics and work towards your own salvation from there (alla work out your own salvation with fear and trembling). Dialoog has nice sermons (, but you can also look on YouTube at Ravi Zacharias. :)
  10. jarvyjarvison

    jarvyjarvison Fapstronaut

    It sounds to me like you're being tempted. It sounds like the secular, modern world is seducing you. It also sounds like you've got some idealized ideas about sex. You wanna go out and get your hands dirty and experience the world the way your secular friends are doing. Well, let me tell you something about the secular world: it sucks. Life without God is an empty existence.

    My story is very much the opposite of your's. I was raised a Catholic in childhood but never forced to goto church or anything like that. I got my hands dirty. Filthy. See, I've had sex and something nobody on television is telling kids is that it can actually be a negative experience. The first time I was intimate with a woman, I cried. It felt wrong. It felt dirty. And I regret it. I regret it all. I'm not the only one either. There's a lot of guys on this forum who say the same thing: "I wish I had waited. It was a bad experience." etc.

    I think you should talk to your father about why you don't want to goto church. Every man can relate to that temptation to have sex before marriage. Every man. Porn just makes it worse because you get this idea in your head that, well, as they say, "variety is the spice of life," and you can have all kinds of crazy sex but it's not true. Real life sex has consequences.
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  11. Reuby

    Reuby Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Lately I’ve been wondering how I would feel if I didn’t wait. Indeed I’m am afraid it might feel wrong / dirty. But. I was thinking surely this would happen to men raised in christian settings, because their whole life they have been fed that message. Indeed your post above pushes this mindset. It’s like dudes raised on Christianity have no control over their subconscious negative attitude toward sex. So their first time isn’t inherently dirty / wrong, they just can’t enjoy it because of their deep conditioning.

    Not saying this is true, just pondering
  12. Minsc

    Minsc Fapstronaut

    At 19 I had greatly diminished going to church (Anglican) since my parents gave me the choice. You can absolutely refuse to go. In your situation I'd keep going, just make preparations to be more independent.

    This sounds like a good topic to bring up with your father. There are many options which range from sticking with your parents church, stopping church or even finding a new church.

    I attempt to look at it this way. Sex makes babies. Am I (close enough) ready to raise a child? The older I get I feel respecting sex has been confused with being negative toward sex.

    Edit: @WhyNotStop Some more thoughts.

    It seems wise to not paint "religion" as the thing which is keeping you tied down. While I went to an Anglican church I wouldn't say our family was all that religious. If there was anything I feel kept me tied down it was "the farm". Perhaps my life would have been better off if I completely cut ties, or perhaps not. The thing about independence is it's so easy to desire and not understand what it means. Is it reasonable to expect our parents to respect and breech our boundaries to solely profit us?
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2019
    need4realchg likes this.
  13. MuscularSherlockHolmes

    MuscularSherlockHolmes Fapstronaut

  14. bken

    bken Fapstronaut

    Not going to church isn't going to land you in dark places. Immorality will, in this life or the next. Don't obsess over religion, no angel is going to drop out of the sky and convince you it's real, have some fun in life, but keep God in the back of your mind wherever you go. Something is out there whether it's the Catholic God or not that wants you to live a good life. The Commandments I believe are there for a reason, not adhering to certain moral laws is definitely not the way to go. Darker stuff like drugs and porn or hurting others should not be your understanding of fun, by all means have a beer with friends or whatever you feel like doing instead of going to church, but do keep God in your heart because religious laws have their purpose for sure. All I'm saying is religion should be a guide but not a prison. At the end of the day the walls of the church aren't going to talk back and you can obsess all your life over it without ever being sure God really exists. Being a good person is the only right way to live, then, only when we need to go ourselves is when we will ever be sure He's out there. Rest assured that if He's out there, He's not going to send you to the shadows for not going to church as long as you don't trade church for serious sins. Just implement religious rules and you'll be fine. Church is more like a school on how to live life, more useful than regular school in many ways to be honest. Whether it's buddhism or catholicism, these all point different populations in the right direction. There's no way for us to be 100% certain which religion is the right one so why obsess, as long as you don't follow satanism and try to live a good life you should be fine.
  15. jarvyjarvison

    jarvyjarvison Fapstronaut

    I dunno dude. I'm not pushing anything, just expressing my opinion. You're 19. You're going to explore and experiment and question. It's normal.
    need4realchg likes this.
  16. WhyNotStop

    WhyNotStop Fapstronaut

    I have to admit your statement really got me thinking. Will sex just for fun return the same response I get from porn? Will sex become a replacement for porn addiction? It really got me thinking because all around me I see friends of mines having kids at crazy young ages. You actually stated a pretty accurate stance at where I am at life. Sex is the bonding of two human beings, something that can't be undone. Even though I don't consider myself a christian anymore I recognize that sex should be much more that the pleasure of organs; It should be the true bonding of two human beings. To make it easier to understand... You should only have sex with a person you're willing to spend the rest of your life with (i.e have a child with).

    Is sex for pleasure (without a true relationship) the same thing as pleasuring yourself from porn?
  17. Grey is colourless

    Grey is colourless Fapstronaut

    Probably not legally but you live under their roof? Maybe worse their money? hm... even if you pay rent, you cant demand the place rentable. Endure and be reborn like a phoenix! haha.

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