Calm & Collected but feeling empty

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by CollectedBro, Apr 22, 2019.

  1. CollectedBro

    CollectedBro Fapstronaut

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    To try and keep things simple.... Here goes...

    Background
    .
    • 25 year old, engineer, virgin, never been in a relationship. Masturbated at age 15, masturbated to porn at age 17.
    Issues.
    • I have been feeling empty or what I would describe as a lack of emotions for the longest time (maybe 5 years). I think deep down I know what is the problem, but perhaps I'm just too afraid or even lazy to acknowledge it.
    • Tried to quit pornography and masturbation. But didn't manage to do it entirely. Used to do it once everyday between age 17 and age 21. Now I do it on the weekends. Unfortunately, the hardest step is to quit it entirely.
    • Anxiety, brain fog and awkwardness are some of the things I have been facing. But still bearable and able to deal with it. Just that it sucks having to deal with it. Part of my life.
    • On certain occasions, I desire for sex. But after a while, the thoughts go away as I practically immerse myself in work, gym or watching movies during my free time.
    • Always tried to force myself to step out of my comfort zone, try new activities, but just to lazy to do it because I am in that comfort zone.
    Summary.

    Not sure what you guys think of my situation, but just wanted to share. Even when I am typing this out, I can't really consolidate my thoughts well. Life is not too bad for me in terms of financial stability, health and family. But life can always be better if I have a companion to share my thoughts with or provide a listening ear. After all, who doesn't want to have a better life?
     
    mcp8419, CH3RRY and ShyIIock like this.
  2. Davinblake

    Davinblake Fapstronaut

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    Everyone wants a better life.
    You're an engineer, that's great! But I guess you realised already how the "clothing" of what is a good life isn't really an happy one. Doing what should make you happy -confort zone shit and all the other things- doesn't necessarily make you happy. What I can advice you is to think of masturbation as a tool used to fill your happiness meter when you get sad, it's like living 5 days a week in pain and then 2 of drugs to take your humor up. But the way it works for math: if you don't exercise then you're not going anywhere; works for happiness: if you cheat it out with mere tricks (fapping, wich could equal to copying and getting good grades) then you will never be happy. What you got to do is stop fapping, whatching porn and playing videogames (if you do, it's practically the same as masturbation for me). It WILL be painful and also stressfull, but it already is and you're just masking it with orgasms. Happy post-easter-monday-day (how do you even call it in english?). We're all a bit sad inside and rushing for happiness won't fix our problem. Oh I forgot, istagram is kinda bad too.
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2019
    CollectedBro likes this.
  3. That quiet guy

    That quiet guy Fapstronaut

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    What I recommend you doing is as a start, overcome your addiction you have to porn and masturbation. I am not saying like it is something that is easy and can get treated over a day, I am saying that you should take your addiction serious, since masturbation combined with porn won't solve your problems in any way. As you say you get anxiety, brain fog and social awkwardness (as what I can tell by reading), have lack of emotions, which gets me thinking you're depressed.
    My advice is to try new activities, try to not be as lazy in that comfort zone and also try to interact to people at, just give new things a try, discover what could get you more motivated. It may not be as easy as said, but you'll need to do something.


    Wish you luck
    That quiet guy
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2019
  4. ptrjovskis

    ptrjovskis Fapstronaut

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    Well hello engineer, I feel the exact same way. I've been feeling lonely the last 3 years, and more so the last 1 year. Not going to give you any advice, I haven't done any proper research on this topic. However, what I know helps is telling people, preferably good friends, your so called secrets. Walking around with these can be quite heavy, which can cause your brain to go into a defensive mode. I don't know any details regarding this though, so take it with a grain of salt.

    Anyway, you're an engineer, wow. What kind? I'd love to discuss some physics
     
  5. CollectedBro

    CollectedBro Fapstronaut

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    The way you described using the word "clothing" is spot on. Life is definitely not too bad, just feeling the void and wondering what is the point of going on. It is lonely on certain days. I realized I put on a "normal" front when interacting with people, be it my family, colleagues and bosses. I was taught to not show anger at the workplace. I guess after many years, I ended up numbing myself and stopped feeling emotions. I don't play video games anymore (it has been more than 5 years), because I don't enjoy them like I used to and my job takes up a lot of time (or because I work long hours to burn time). One of the root problems now is my current boss, he is a good boss though. But I think he hides behind a "mask" and always use the reason of "training" me to criticize my works (my other colleagues feel it in a similar way too). At this point, I don't even feel angry about it. I just ignore and forget what he says after some time. I don't even care. In totality, I discovered that if I don't want to get hurt, I should just keep a distance from everyone and not get too high or low emotionally. I think maybe I need force myself to go out more often, but I'm just too lazy. I know that if I want to change, I must put in the effort. It is a long way ahead to recovery. Yes, using PMO as a drug on the weekends (twice) is bad, but I have come a long way since doing it everyday for the past 7 years or so.
    It is so difficult to give it up because I agree that I use it as a drug to relieve myself of stress.
     
  6. Davinblake

    Davinblake Fapstronaut

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    Seing from inside maybe you don't see those strains that hold you, but once you get to move a little you feel the tension of them. This means that if you want to get out of it, just hoping it will work won't work. It will be painful, after all the nofap I did, if I were in your situation now, I would not just screw my boss and leave because it would help but be stupid. You are an engenieer so what you have to do is: first find a very good plan b (if you fire yourself you will have just lost your job and in your situation it will be only worse since you can't yet see the bright side), so for example start working in other agencies of lower calibere but where you have potential. After you're "sure" of your future and have gotten some fame around, leave your stupid boss and look for one company you liked working in that still needs a "boss". If you don't find it, create it, look for other people and start working in your "task force", then climb the market.
    Now, you have lost your perception of feelings because they keep being painful, the problem is that this way, you don't feel that pain that makes you want to change. Fapping is a great helper to this, not only you don't feel pain but you feel good.
    7 years? There are people on this site who fapped for 20 years every day and managed to get out, also there are ones who fapped for 1 year but can't even approach this. You are an engenieer, you worked your ass off for results and you got them. So now, when you want to fap, istead start working; because things do not fix themselves, you fix things. Get to work from now on, you may fail, but if you get up it means you didn't fail. ALWAYS GET BACK UP
     

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