But wait, there’s more!

I just saw this in my IG feed and I think this may be a big part of it:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BrDKhDZninw/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=7fxzg6s8ikrt

And I didn’t know about the PMO and I didn’t understand the extent of what was happening with all the gaslighting.

When he focuses on my flaws— I mean I do have flaws so it’s not something that is completely contrived. It’s only recently that I’ve gained perspective that the way he uses that as a tool to take attention off of himself is wrong. It’s really confounding when he goes full throttle with his tantrum tirades. Even now that I know what’s going on, it’s kind of hard to be completely aware of what’s happening in the moment. Documenting it later is very helpful for me to process. And yes, to remember later.

And when I was younger I had loneliness during which I generally felt I had to be self reliant. My inner self talk is not so much that I’m not good enough, but perhaps believing that someone consistently treating me the way I want to be treated is “too good to be true”.

 

Thanks for validation. You’re right. It’s on my boundaries list. I still haven’t outlined specific consequences for every offense. Generally being disconnected and sleeping in different rooms. I feel this may be practice, dress rehearsal, for if and when we separate.

@Kenzi provided me with some other interesting ideas. But I think if I try implement things like him sleeping on the floor, cold showers, no food etc he would refuse. That would really fuel his villainizing of me and give him a huge pity party. So I guess he would have to really piss me off. The “power struggle” is not appealing to me. Maybe it’s just work required by the nature of this beast but ugggh. I never wanted to be up someone’s butt this much as far as tracking his activity and such. Sucks so bad to not have trust.

Just taking consequences as it comes with how I feel. I probably need to eventually try to make an objective pros and cons list (comprehensive of his new behaviors) about the value in our marriage.