Hello! This is going to be my journal for my experience of going without PMO. Thank you for having an interest in my adventure and sticking with me. To be honest, this is seriously nerve wracking. I've tried going without the habit before, and the withdrawal kicked my butt every time. The longest I've gone pre-NoFap is eight days, and that was after confessing to my ecclesiastical leader my problem. But now that I'm part of a group that can provide support and love, I'm more confident in my journey. My primary motivation for stopping is largely out of fear. I'm scared of my siblings finding out what I've been doing, I avoid dating and serious out of family relationships because I don't want to be seen as gross or a bad person. I'm scared that if I do get in a relationship the girl I'm with may hate me or not love me anymore if she knew I have problems with PMO. Of course, even when I do succeed in my 90 days, I'd still be scared of telling. I've seen in many relationships that when an individual in a relationship finds out about a partner's past mistakes then the relationship is ruined and the individual's view of the partner is shattered forever and they can never trust each other again, even when the partner has changed for years and is dedicated to a better life. That's what I don't want to experience. Though I imagine I'm already too late for the last one, I want to change. I want to be able to succeed in this challenge and be able to openly come out to my family and the special loved one. I know I can't make them think of me in some way, but I hope I can be seen as a strong person who was able to rise against the temptations and has a great success story documented on this site rather than a past PMO user who just decided to stop. And hopefully if I do have children my experiences can help them out on their own success story. I think a theme for this journal has gotta be either Michael Jackson's "Man in the Mirror" or Linkin Parks' "Breaking the Habit." Both are pretty good songs to show how I feel about all of this. Anyway that's the start of my journy as described right here. Thank you for sticking around and I hope you enjoy the adventure. Edit 12/22/18 WARNING!! This journal does contain use of language (as it's a journal anyone can comment on) open references to fetishes, genitals and topics some may be uncomfortable with, whether by religion or personal triggers, to name a few. If you are a user on the site I hope this journal doesn't trigger you or gives you difficulty for your own streaks. If you know me personally, like if you are a friend, family member, future spouse or children, please read this journal with an open mind, and know that how you see me after reading this will change. Please be respectful and do not jump to conclusions. I'll glad to answer any questions you may have, but please do not think of me less than you do. Remember, I love you all and if you are reading this than that means I've placed my utmost trust in you with something personal to me. Also know that this is a journal about growth and change. Views and opinions expressed are likely to change. If I or any of my readers have had beef with you I just had a bad day, do not take it personally, please. Thank you.