hello friends!! i have been a severe porn addict since the past 6 years..since my childhood,i was quite intelligent and had a remarkable memory..but 6 years ago,i got addicted to PMO...my addiction was so worse than that of drugs or alcohol that i have been masturbating for 3-4 times daily..it used to give me a lot of pressure and it turned into a kind of compulsive behaviour..since the past 2 years,i started exhibiting some signs of premature dementia like forgetting all known things,suffering from brain fog,getting confused easily,failure to do simple daily life calculations,slow and impaired thinking,inability to remember new faces or distinguish between voices of singers or two different faces of the same or different persons.Then i started developing hand tremors, and muscle twitches all over my body which got to the point where they were preventing me from falling asleep.I started thinking about parkinson syndrome..i have developed chronic insomnia and my sleeping patterns have detoriorated to an enormous extent..i have to rely on clonazepam on a daily basis...my mind just cannot shut down..initially i had read that excess PMO damages dopamine,serotonin ,acetylcholine and GABA receptors in the brain and it may result in apoptosis(clinical name for nerve cell death)..because it leads to overproduction of toxic chemicals within brain cells that lead to premature dementia onset...but still my addiction was so strong that i could not stop it despite facing the drastically devastating consequences myself.. i also developed a poor lifestyle with lack of sleep,proper diet, and nutrition and it spoiled my entire body rhythm and all internal cycles and the bio clock..i lost lots of weight and also developed thin sunken cheeks with dark circles below my eyes,a general feeling of constant sickness,lack of hunger,proper appetite,no stamina ,no sleep ,etc and many more symptoms..my face is filled with pimples. Then last month,i decided that i had to stop this nonsense or else i am going to die soon..my health detoriorated to a very dangerous point..and i had no other option but to be PMO free..i prayed to God with all my heart and promised myself as well as to God that i will never indulge in that filthy act..i went to the temple and prayed that if i am cured even to some extent after abstaining from PMO ,i will give up the habit completely. I am totally PMO free for the past 30 days..Initially,my energy to fight against PMO was great,but as time passes away,i feel that my vigour is getting down..but i am still quite strong and will definitely never masturbate again as i have promised to God. But,i have developed some symptoms which make me a bit concerned. Since i stopped masturbating,i find a white layer of some substance being formed inside the penis on the inner layer..as long as i was a Porn addict and masturbated,the inner part of the penis used to remain wet and moist always..but as i have stopped ejaculation,a white substance has formed over the entire inner part of the penis...i do not know what it is actually As i stopped PMO,my mind is mostly engrossed in other areas of my life..i feel extreme pleasure in praying to God and visiting the temples..it is a lot easier to control sexual thoughts and desires..most of the time whenever they arise,i just pray to God and divert my attention to another field and they go away...But ,sometimes these sexual desires just become irresistable ..they are more like the "withdrawal symptoms" of a drug addict..i feel extreme desire to do Pmo again , feel restless,sometimes very depressed, have erections too but i never masturbate...it is easier to control the erections now..mostly these things occur when i am sitting idle..as long as i am busy,these thoughts do not turn up..but sometimes they become quite intense specially during bed time or in the middle of the night. i have erections towards the morning. sonetimes these things make me so excited that i do not have proper quality sleep and feel frustated,tired and out of my mind the next few days..brain fog and shabby memory prevail too..but i have noticed that after consecutive nights of high quality sleep,my symptoms are relieved to a considerable extent and i also get back my clarity of thoughts...generally lack of sleep also makes me frustated and invokes a deep desire to do that filthy task otherwise i just cannot sleep..but still i have never touched my penis since past 30 days and i shall never do so except for the purpose of just cleaning it. I have read that these symptoms that i have mentioned above indicate that Nofap "is working right"..that means the brain is on it's way to healing..the existing porn pathways are degenerating and changes are occurring inside..the changes due to Pmo which had been effective for so long are now dying slowly...i was a huge huge porn addict and there was no way i could have stopped masturbation in my life..these were my feelings just a month ago. from that position,all of a sudden, i have cut porn totally out of my life and focus on my prayers and building my career..i know this is a great step towards recovery and these symptoms that are like withdrawal symptoms are normal for any recovering addict..also it will take time for changes to be completed so that the brain gets back to it's original state..so,despite these symptoms,i am truly satisfied that i have taken a big leap towards success..and i am sure that after 30 to 40 more porn free days,my desires will be reduced to a great extent ,my brain changes will almost be completed and i will become a lot closer to the normal state..so i am not paying much attention or worrying about the occasional sexual desires that i still get.i know it's a time consuming process.i just pray to God that i keep on fighting in this manner and get rid of this demon forever. However,i noticed something for the past few days which made me a bit scared..as i get those sexual erections or desires (generally towards dawn in my bed) or during other times of the day mostly due to previous memories of some stuff on pornhub...i notice a sticky fluid passing out with my urine..i also experience very frequent urination and a constant urge to urinate...the sticky fluid that i spoke of just now seems to be sperms passing out with urine..this however happens only when i have erections otherwise they don't...but this type of "semen leakage" mainly occurs as i have become more prone to such changes because i used to do it forcefully for such a long time..BUT this is not masturbation or forceful ejaculation where loads of fluid used to collect inside my pants and make them wet..that was something totally different which i have completely given up 30 days ago..and during that time ,the fluid looked much more dense and huge amounts of it ejaculated out of the penis..but what happens now is not masturbation..that was totally a different ball game..now i tried to examine what that fluid is.(of course i washed my hands later with antiseptic soap)..and i find out that very very small amount of such fluid coming out of the penis..juat slightly..but i am scared..i do not know what it is..i have stopped PMO totally but still have hanover and brain fog with shabby memory..plus,i keep on getting pimples. which are not supposed to occur now...i have read that sexual thoughts can cause dopamine bursts in the brain but certainly not to the level which is caused By Pmo and is not so dangerous..it has very minor effect and these changes settle down quickly..obviously much different from actual pmo ..i do not have those thoughts always but whenever they occur..sometimes they get intense..the aim is to stop those thoughts from arising and to stop having erections...i know i am on my way to success but are these small matters ruining my healing process?? initially,as i dived into nofap,i used to feel highly energetic and motivated..i felt different and very happy in anticipation of a much better and changed life that i was going to have in the future after quitting Pmo..i felt highly motivated...but i have read a lot of stuff on the net i read about semen leakage,erection ,premature ejaculation and also about precum..i also learnt about wet dreams..now i cannot understand which one of these is my actual story..the clear transparent sticky fluid comes out of my penis whenever i have sexual thoughts and my penis gets hard and erect..i do not masturbate but still i do not know why i am having such a type of ejaculation..is it precum?? something that rarely contains sperm and also feels transparent like water?..when i used to masturbate earlier,the story was totally different..loads of white cum would make my pants totally wet and my penis would get harder..the colour,nature and texture of that fluid was totally different..it was white and dense,non transparent with a rich composition of sperms and was the semen which causes pregnancy..but now it's not the case..but still i do not like the fact that i cannot stop my penis from getting erect.i have stopped Pmo totally and was happy that i would recover slowly from the damage it had caused to my body but now,it seems that i feel very depressed and demotivated from the fact that i am still losing out on some fluid despite having stopped masturbation..it seems that my efforts to stop it and whatever benefits i would get by having abstained from it are all gone in vain..i feel extremely upset and demotivated..i had read that excess masturbation causes health and brain related pblms.. But now,i have three queries... firstly,is the fluid that i spoke of actually precum or was it semen leakage or an ejaculation similar to a wet dream?? secondly,does this type of erection or ejaculation(fluid loss) causes the same brain damage or changes as actual PMO?? Thirdly,i have started to think that my efforts are all gone in vain and this erection that i get has spoiled my whole recovery process and made me highly demotivated..i fear that this frustation may take over again and lead to relapse and again make me drowned into misery..how can i console myself and keep myself motivated to stay away from pmo permanently despite having such fluid leakage?? does anyone suffer from such situation? any hints would be highly appreciated.