Big question for guys!!!

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Anne-Dauphine, May 28, 2014.

  1. Mrea99

    Mrea99 Fapstronaut

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    What really gets me emotionally involved with a woman and wanting her more is when she isn't afraid to show me her real intelligence. And by that I mean if she's a genius with math, has a deep love for something and really knows the subject/issue and isn't afraid to debate it, speak her mind about it, thats really sexy for me.
     
  2. Omg don't you dare apologizing Mark!!! Haha I can relate to this kind of "trance".

    Wow thank you for your answer. I'm glad to have your point of view. Ugh. Personally my problem isn't that much that what doesn't kill me makes me stronger, it's more that what I love kills me. I'm also really afraid to find The Guy, being sure it's him, and that something screws it all. Like PMO addiction, whatever.

    Everything you said was extremely interesting. I read it with the most profound interest. I especially like what you said about balance and being real. This Chinese tale is so good. I'm glad to realize it's what I aim for.

    Thank you for your words, I accept them like precious gifts. And thanks for the thread link. Love your house analogy.




    Mrea99, I'm not that sure at all. The idea of dating many men doesn't appeal me at all. I dated one guy and it was a very nasty experience looking back at it. I'm not made for dating. Even if sex isn't involved. But I'm so fucking committed in everything I like, i's reassuring to see it's attractive. I'm more confident to be on the right path now thanks.
     
  3. nomas

    nomas Fapstronaut

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    My criteria:
    She has to love the Colbert Report. And by love I mean LOOOVE.
    If she tells me: "Yo, the only person I would cheat on you with is Stephen" I know she's the one :p

    Added bonus:
    If she wears toe shoes even to formal occasions :D

    Come to think of it, I basically like a female version of me ;)
     
  4. magickitten

    magickitten Fapstronaut

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    the single biggest thing for me is being real. there are just soooo many basic bitches out there who have no personality because they just go along with whatever they're told (and yeah, there's basic bros out there too, they just piss me off less because all they are to me is competitions already won). if you can manage to be an individual with a solid personality as a girl in our culture then you've already made yourself more attractive than 95% of american females.
    let me start spewing some opinionated bullshit:
    western culture teaches people that since appearance is a big factor of attraction, EVERYONE should have standards on what kinds of appearances are attractive and what kinds aren't. that's just not true. would i have sex with a victoria's secret model if given the chance? of course i would, they're fucking hot. but it would just be shallow and self-serving if i didn't actually like the woman. what's the point of sharing your body with someone you wouldn't share a conversation with? all that is is two people using each other to masturbate. no love. totally pointless. even if you could meet the ridiculous standards of the mass-media culture, would you really want to be with someone who thinks that you need to look like that?

    the main thing im trying to get across to you is this: be the best, most awesome version of yourself you can be, and the best, most awesome version of your idea of a man WILL FIND YOU. TRUST ME, US GUYS ARE TIRED OF WASTING OUR EFFORTS TRYING TO SATISFY GIRLS WHO HAVE NO CLUE WHO THEY ARE OR WHAT THEY WANT, YOU WILL SHINE LIKE A RADIOFUCKINGACTIVE DIAMOND IF YOU CAN JUST BE AN AWESOME CHICK.
    don't ever sell yourself short. humans are supposed to find love, not make themselves fit a "type" then only fuck people in that "type". fuck types. my type of girl is a girl who can stand up for herself and not act/look/dress like a slut because she knows what she's worth. and to the right guy, she's worth everything. you will be too, just stay on this course, and work every day to improve the parts of you that you love, and shed away the parts you hate. learn to accept yourself, then you can learn to love yourself. learn to love yourself, then you can learn to take care of and improve yourself. project your love into the world around you, eventually someone's gonna feel it and reflect it right back at you.
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2014
  5. 2Peter16

    2Peter16 Fapstronaut

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    Hi Cocorosie

    Thank you for your honesty.

    I noticed you've said "The Guy" with a capital G. If you mean "The Only One" like some sort of predestined person which only fits for you, I think you are wrong. If you mean something else the The Guy you can ignore this!:

    I don't think "The one" exists. It's a guessing game about what's in the mind of God, or destiny or what ever you believe in. Instead of asking is this the one? Think of yourself as a steward learning to make good investments. Ask yourself four questions:
    1. Is this a good person?
    2. Is this a good person for me?
    3. Am I a good person for him?
    4. Would we be good parents together?

    The one does not exists in the Hollywood sense. The one is an imaginary person. This false idea dumbs down and gives us unnecessary anxiety, because it makes us worry that we might miss what we are supposed to find. The one is essentially the one you end up promising faithfulness towards. Keeping that promise, not finding "the one," is what makes a good relationship/marriage.

    Back to your question!

    I agree with much being said, especially Marks post. I find it really attracting when women are confident, outgoing, knows how to show respect for men, dares to be vulnerable (important!!!) - vulnerable woman makes the man blossom, which enables him to take responsibility and action and so on. Vulnerability is the gateway to the womans inner beauty. There is nothing like a woman drawing close to you, looking you in the eyes, telling you how she needs you for [insert something], explaining her desire for feeling loved and secure. That makes my knees to weak. I hope you understand.

    One thing I find not so attracting is when women talk themselves down intellectually, physically, an so on. I find insecurity as a turn off. On the other side I think it is a major turn on when women recognize their own value.

    In general guys want to feel respected, appreciated for what they do, useful. If you can make a guy feel like that you are on the right path to find a man.

    I wish you the best!

    //2Peter16
     
  6. Markguy

    Markguy Fapstronaut

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    Wishing you well. Some thoughts:
    - Try joining organizations based on your interests. Easier to meet guys with something in common than in a bar or club.
    - As mentioned, be friendly, smile. If you are nervous, ask guys questions about themselves.
    - There are many paths to motherhood. For example, adoption. I'm not suggesting you do that, but just pointing out that the pressure to find THE guy isn't the only path, if that is your goal.
    - Yes, physical plays a role in initial attraction. But guys who will stay in a relationship want a mix of qualities. And even attraction is pretty subjective and varied.
    - As difficult as it seems, try to relax and appreciate yourself. Try to lessen the urgency to find someone. You are beautiful and amazing and deserving of true love.
     
  7. I'm SO BLESSED to have that many answers ugh. I'm so glad this interests you. Damn I'm definitely not a lesbian, I love men way too much!


    You all said astonishing stuff. I could write a book with my answers so I'm going to say a BIG FAT THANK YOU to all of you.

    magickitten (love your username btw haha), your capital letters sentence punched me in the stomach so hard, like omg? you have some writing talent mate. your words are way, way too powerful. You're making the world a better place.

    2Peter16, thank you for noticing that. I'm going to try to explain briefly. I write The Guy NOT AT ALL because I think there's ONE GUY for me IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE, specifically for me, my soul mate. I don't believe in fucking soul mates. I believe in hard work and Providence. I write The Guy because I lack so much of experience that I still idolize men (I'm being extremely serious, it's the number one reason I was addicted first and foremost to gay porn, there is something in masculinity in general that I can't and don't understand) and men physical appearance, and as I find beauty in everything, that I don't have a type of guy in particular. I don't have any prejudices to what my husband will look like, but I know he exists, and it's helping me to talk about it as being one person. I think that Disney, chick flicks, books and mangas have fucked my perspective on reality by giving me archetypes of males instead of real ones. I will forever remember the questions you propose. Your words "I find insecurity as a turn off." hit the nail so hard on the head that it was ejected out of the Milky Way.

    Thanks Markguy. I always keep adoption in my mind. I would like to adopt one day I think, even if I have healthy children. I care about children that don't have a mom and want one. I have so much love to give.




    Ok, so from what all of you guys have said, this is what stands out: being Yourself. Being real. Stay unique.

    I think there's a difference between weird and unique. I'm not a regular basic kind of girl in the sense that I hate girly stuff, have trouble accepting my femininity, don't wear makeup and have short hair, love video games, I don't even HAVE a phone, I was addicted to porn, etc etc.

    That's not what you could consider "basic bitch", right? Well, it's not attractive. The fact that it stands out of the "norm" makes it scary and make me appear to be awkward and basically not the kind of person you would pass some time with. It's pure bullshit, I swear I'm a fucking good friend, I just have no guy friend to prove it to. My point is, the problem is that what's generally thought as being "unique" most of the time ends up being "weird", "awkward", "socially unacceptable". That's why I got bullied. I forgave but I don't forget.

    I'm tired of hearing people say I'm "special", "unique", fuckery like this. Because if I do think I am, then it's arrogant; and if I think I'm not, then what's unique in me?

    And besides, I'm being myself. I've always been like this, honest and frank as fuck, I'm raw, I never hide my feelings and emotions, I don't cheat. And when I go online and talk about myself (ugh), all I read is "wow you're great", "you're amazing", "thank you for being you", etc. But when I go outside, when I sit with people of my tutor group, it's like I don't exist.




    Also one of my problems is you see, I'm also attracted by some girls (half pansexual half bi I am), and the girls I'm attracted to are physically quite the opposite of me. Girls I like are... like the feminine part of a couple where I would be the boy. Does that makes sense? As I myself perpetuate the western culture, I'm torn up, because it's everything I am not. I'm not a normal girl, it's neither positive or negative, it's not arrogant, I'm not bragging about it, it's purely a fact.

    I'm sorry for appearing needy, its' true that I present this as an urgency but I guess it's just because I'm screwing up my physical efforts and so it has repercussions on my mentality. In reality, I'm 100% confident in what God wants for me.



    Last word: I'm kinda lost right now, because without being arrogant and selfish, I really recognize myself in the woman you are all talking about :( So I'm already what (not at all physically speaking) attracts guys? I'm inclined to think so. So back to my strategy: I need to improve the physical point. I'll be even more myself. And so what I like is actually meeting people. Scary as fuck.
     
  8. Lifeslide

    Lifeslide Guest

    Don't be yourself. Be the best you can be. Try to imitate people who are great. Like people who sacrificed for others, and forgave others, even when they were deeply hurt.'Be yourself' is narcissistic new age western bull crap.

    Girls who like children and have natural nurturing motherly instincts drive me WILD. I kid you not. Actually, girls that don't have that instinct and just wanna have 'fun' with no sense of responsibility are a huge turn off. I had (have, present) this HUGE crush on this girl, with her nurturing instincts being one of the reasons. When she sees small children she melts, going on and on about how cute they are. That's the type of person that I want for my children.
     
  9. I love this. This is much more appealing to me, idk why.

    Fuck man, I am going to say something to you: you are describing me. Like, omg.

    WHYYYYYYYY on Earth don't I meet guys like you all in real life??? Cuz I don't meet real people??? If I listen to everything you said, I think I'd make a good partner to the most random guy. So... The trick is just... to meet someone? And THEN, with hard work, love is BUILT? It's not a gift? It's not given? Every single guy can be the Prince Charming?

    I feel like a toddler learning life. It's refreshing. You all are fucking great people. It's a blessing I once decided t look at porn because I quit and now I'm here and I'm getting alarmingly better every second.
     
  10. You're talking french Abel?! If yes you're making fun of me XDD I love your way of seeing it.

    I think that one of my strength is that I'm really, really extrovert, as shy as I am. Once I start to go towards others I can't stop. It's just the picometre before that's impossible to pass.


    Excellent discussion, really. Men are such beautiful creatures! I'm an "menimist"!
     
  11. Finalfight123

    Finalfight123 Fapstronaut

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    I think the truth is find out what your strengths and weakness are. I'm pretty bold like I will walk up to a girl and kiss her its just me I accept it.

    But the truth is unless you date people you'll never know who you like. I mean looks those are nice granted but you'll quickly realize if they can't talk it really doesn't mean much. So it may mean saying hi to that person down the street. Always try to stretch your comfort zone.

    I think that when people say be yourself it means always remember you core values. I mean everyone when you first meet them are super nice and great and if not either they are having a bad day or not worth it, unless you've known them like a year or so you don't really know them. So at every point realize what kinda person you are and who you are becoming through it. You'll always act differently around that person you like but its all in your head.

    So go out there say hi to someone, could turn into something. And the biggest piece never over think I find when I lead with my actions not emotions to a point I get better results. So just curious what is it that you are looking for specifically? I mean trying to find out if you like guys or girls more. Its always good to keep in mind. I mean have lots of experiences have lots of failures and success because it will help you find what you are looking for. I'm afraid I've failed a lot more than succeeded in this game but if I hit on 10 girls and one says yes its still a win in my head. Good luck coco you can do it.
     
  12. Sorry are you asking me? Well I really don't know what I'm looking for that's the problem. I know there's SOMETHING. I know it because I know I'll be a mother one day - if they don't come from my body it will e because I will adopt some.

    I don't know what I'm looking for. I learned that to make babies you need a man. I don't want children for the sake of having children; I want them to be the result of the most ultimate act of love I can do to someone apart dying for him. Also, I want to wait for marriage and practice abstinence. So naturally, knowing all of that, I quickly come to the conclusion that what I'm looking for is... a husband? A guy.

    I don't know honestly about my sexuality. I was so fucking deeply in love with Bianca, and now that I'm over her and I'm 99.9% sure that my vocation isn't entering a religious order but motherhood, I'm less and less sure. I've considered myself to be half pansexual half bisexual - I love human beings regardless of their gender, specific persons (that's the pansexual part), and sometimes these people have vaginas instead of penis, so it appears that the person I'm on love with is a girl and I consider her as being a girl (that's my bisexual part). But yeah I fall in love so easily it's embarrassing. I fall in love with the idea of falling in love, too.

    Thanks for your support Finalfight123 bro, always appreciated.

    EDIt: I know, I'm looking for someone I could intimately care about.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 28, 2014
  13. Finalfight123

    Finalfight123 Fapstronaut

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    Hmmmm well then be straight up with them. Maybe wait till the second date. Be like I'm looking for a husband. There are guys who are looking for the same thing. I'm 19 I probably won't for awhile but nothing is certain.

    But I believe that you will need to meet a lot of different people before you can say who you like. For the longest time I believed I knew what the perfect girl for me was but only aesthetically, personality wise I had no clue and all these hot girls I said no to after dating because I just couldn't stand them.But I may also need to work on my tolerance for people as well I'm afraid.

    But its ok to fall in love easily its natural unless you have a stone cold heart you will fall in love and honestly its a good thing because so few people do they only feel a thread a shadow of it. So don't feel bad its not a bad thing and its great if you want to have kids some day. But explore date lots of girls date lots of guys find what you want. You can have lots of fun without sleeping with them.

    See the other night I hit on this girl I feel it was because some other guy was so I wanted to see if I could win her over. I did but later on in the night I told her it was up to her if she wanted to sleep with me, and she asked wasn't this enough. And I feel so ashamed that, that was what she felt she needed to ask that I made her believe that that was all I wanted. But I told her that if thats all I wanted I would've just pmo'd.

    But take heart you've done just amazing doing what I couldn't and fighting your urges. I think that there is the "one" at different times for us. I think the girl you dated was an experience that you needed to have and has helped you find what you want. Good luck.
     
  14. Mark

    Mark Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Honestly none of that matters. Always play the hand you are holding. There are no mistakes, no wrong choices or as Shakespeare once wrote, "Nothing is good or bad, only thinking makes it so".

    I wouldn't change a single thing about any of my relationships because mo matter how any of them turned out they all taught me so much and I am eternally grateful. I may not always feel happy about the way things have turned out but we are not here to feel just happiness, we are here to experience the whole range of emotions and the depth of my sorrows serve to increase the depth of my joys and vice versa in an ongoing cycle of complete and utter balanced perfection!;) (Either that or I'm just bi-polar!!;):D)

    But honestly I read something once in the brilliant 'Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway' by Susan Jeffers that we can view decision making as a no-lose situation simply by viewing each choice/decision we make as an opportunity to experience whatever comes from making that decision That way if you meet one person and this and that happens then (if your awake, paying attention, up for it!) you learn from whatever 'this and that' turns out to be. No mis-takes, only life, unfolding, naturally and without that blocker of all things good...'resistance'!

    A old man falls into an extremely fast flowing river and is quickly washed towards the rocks. A younger man witnesses this and thinks to himself that the older man will surely die. The older man sinks and disappears as the young man watches helplessly. A minute or two later the older man appears a little further downstream and casually climbs out of the river before carrying on his way. The younger man rushes to catch up with him before asking him, "How did you just do that? I tjoight you were dead for sure!" The older man replied, "As soon as I fell in I realised I had a choice. I could either tense and resist whilst my rigid body be thrashed and broken against the rocks. Or I could relax, go with the flow, and accept my fate. I chose the latter and when a suitable moment arose my awareness was such that I seized the moment and pulled myself to safety."

    Chuang Tsu once said (I'm trancing again!!), "Easy is right. Begin right and you are easy. Continue easy and you are right. The right way to go easy is to forget the right way and forget that the going is easy."

    Easy!! Right?!?!;)
     
  15. StarKing

    StarKing Guest

    Anne,

    You are smart and kind. These are two big wins already.

    I also am socially awkward and shy...I didn't have a girlfriend till I was 29! I like a girl who I can relate to and can comfortably be around, talk too and have fun with. Just someone who I can sync with and wants me just like I want her. My only and current girl is very socially awkward too, but what i love about her is that she has a lovely nature and is pretty smart. I love a sharp mind on a girl. I think what attracted me to her was that she showed interest in me, gave me signals and such, to open the barrier for me to make my moves on.
    Hope this helps?

    P.S I spent many years wanting girls who didn't want me...got hurt, but lived.



    CK
     
  16. stygian

    stygian Fapstronaut

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    I have so many thoughts and so many things I want to comment on in many different posts by different people that I'm not going to be able to do it but let me make a few comments.

    This is completely false.

    What in the world is a regular basic kind of girl? Every girl is different. There is no regular girl and no basic girl. There is certainly not a regular basic kind of girl. Every boy is different too. In many of your posts in this thread I feel that you are trying to be a kind of girl that you're not. You're trying to be someone else. And that can turn people off.


    By definition, you can't be "being yourself" and "needing to improve the physical point." That's not making you more yourself. If you think that you need to somehow be different from how you are now, eg a different weight, or whatever, then you are not accepting yourself as you are and you are not being yourself. If you want to be a different person to conform to some sort of stereotype, it comes out very obviously in your behavior, your words, your actions, and people can see this. If you really accepted yourself as you, then you wouldn't want to change. Wanting to change/wanting to be different causes all kinds of emotional fears and insecurities, which in turn also makes relationships difficult.
     
  17. I think a guy should like you for you and/or vie versa. No matter your appearance, or material objects that you have, or what you can give and get. I think all women are beautiful inside and out. You might not have the looks, but you have the personality. Or you might not have the personality but you have the looks. Honestly, in my opinion, I'll take personality and character over looks because your appearance alters and changes as you age but your personality never will. My advice to you corocosie is too just do you. I'm shy, I'm insecure about plenty of things. It will come. Just stay strong and remember there is always Light at the end of the tunnel

    God Bless

    Godschild
     
  18. Just making a place holder for the huge answer I'm preparing. You guys are the best.
     
  19. alan

    alan Fapstronaut

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    If you want to improve your physical self you can and you can still be yourself I think, after all exercise is healthy and it is recommended by doctors, it's not just to fit some stereotype. As for personality you are as fine as you are, you just need to be more confident with your personality. Don't put any strains on yourself on who you should be. I know I have and I've just put myself under more stress for no reason.
     
  20. randomaux

    randomaux Fapstronaut

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    Honestly for me physical attractiveness trumps all. After that point weird personality quirks become attractive. Kind of an infatuation thing. In my opinion, this is probably true for everyone -- if there are people who this is not true for, it is not something I can relate to.

    I think this is one of the reasons I question whether or not I ever want to get married. I select a wife based on appearance, then the marriage's success is defined by how well we get along (based on personalities). In other words I am making one of the biggests choices in life based on largely the wrong criteria. I've heard a number of married men say that you have no idea what you are getting when you get married. I have yet to find or think of a systematic way to figure out "what you're getting" *before* the marriage.

    Also, you seem like an introvert. Be ready for the day when a guy asks you out. It could take you by surprise. I had girls show interest in me in the past and as an introvert didn't know how to respond so basically rejected them. I was on the other end of the spectrum about 10 months ago when an introverted girl gave me a flaky answer when I more or less asked her out -- only to find her giggling and trying to get my attention a few weeks later. Just be ready -- playing hard to get is the natural introvert response but it is counterproductive.
     

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