Beware: Chaser Effect Applies to Women Too

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by de severn, Jan 8, 2019.

  1. de severn

    de severn Fapstronaut

    I haven’t had a self-induced orgasm in a few months. Yay for me.

    Sex has improved and I am rebooting successfully. I don’t have foul desires nor do I edge by myself BUT I am having small urges to masturbate after having good sex. I know I’m not going to but I decided to note this feeling because people think the chaser effect is a strictly guy thing.

    I guess it’s also worth mentioning that I haven’t came during sex (yet) but I’m physically responding so much more and it gives me hope. If anything, I feel like sex is edging for me. I want to go as close to monk mode as possible because I want to have an orgasm from sex alone. I don’t want him to finger me because it makes me crave the wrong sensation.

    I’m not going to lie. This is hardcore discipline and I should be a levitating buddha by the end of my life. I just want to have intercourse-only based orgasms! I become a nasty, pushy person when I have orgasms using other methods. I start craving the orgasm and not the sex. So that’s why I’m denying orgasms from other methods. And like I said, I’m getting very aroused during sex now whereas before I would go through the motions and wait for him to cum so he could finger me. That is NOT intimacy!
  2. Prov2416

    Prov2416 Fapstronaut


    Nice to know that we have that in common. Alot of times must urges are strongest the next morning after sex. My heart goes out to you though because as a guy, I usually am the one who can orgasm everytime. So to have sex and not O would only happen if I did alot of M during the day. My heart goes out to you though on having sex and not being able to orgasm. I can EASILY SEE how that could feel like 1 big edging session. If you don't mind I want to share little about what I have dis overed with me and my wife.

    My wife would often find reasons to not have sex earlier in our marriage, because she felt so frustrated not being able to O. She is different from you though because she also has a hard time being naked and vulnerable in front of someone else....and that extends to even me her husband. I could give her oral sex
    and make her EXTREMELY WET (which was a ego boost) to the point where there was no friction at all with vaginal sex.....
    . Still she could not orgasm.

    About 2 years ago at made a breakthrough as my wife became comfortable enough to share this with me.

    So we went to an adult store and bought a rabbit vibrator. It turns out, that my wife's clitoris is very sensitive and there is a certain amount of pressure she likes. She never inserts it, but uses it to massage her vagina. Ever since that thing she can O everytime and it can happen really fast....but with the adjustable features we can control how fast or slow it goes so it can be a GRADUAL buildup.

    Initially what would happen on our lovemaking though is my wife would use the rabbit on herself and instead of loosening up she would go straight to O. We have figured out ways to incorporate the rabbit so the experience is about US being together as opposed to our individual orgasms ourselves. Sometimes I use the rabbit on her, or I will kiss oh her body while she uses it. The KEY is that we are connected. Our favorite position when we both want to O is a synthesis of being connected through vaginal intercourse while still being sure my wife will O.

    Basically it is 2 steps:
    1. MY wife gets on top while I am in her - This allows us to be connected vaginal and I can still move and we can establish a rhythm
    2. She then uses the rabbit on her clitoris - Either she will do it or I can
    Let me tell you it is SO WONDERFUL. Not just because I KNOW my wife will O, but we build up to that in our lovemaking and the O occurs while we are physically joined as 1. We always save it for the end, and make love until we both know that we are ready to end on a high note.

    My wife enjoys the rabbit so much, she actually has named it my middle name ;) We have gone out and gotten another toy and even some balls. But they are all used as in tandem with us bring together.

    I just wanted to share that with you because we have arrived at this after 8 years of trial and error in a 9 year marriage. My wife often says that with the rabbit it is "Batting a 1000!" as far as O is concerned.

    Again, it is my hope that you can find that balance in your intamacy. Also, I applaud you for being so dedicated to make sure that your sex life WILL be intimate, as opposed to mentally checking out and just using your SO for masturbation.

    Hopefully this helped and gave you some thoughts or ideas. Remember, it is all about the two of you giving and receiving to each other. And mentally keeping yourself present in the moment.

    Be encouraged.
    de severn likes this.
  3. Newgirl

    Newgirl Fapstronaut

    Thanks for sharing such personal information it is an eye opener and great motivation to stay clean. Stay focused and kudos on your great discipline. :)
  4. EmmyB

    EmmyB Fapstronaut

    IMO the chaser effect is at least as bad for girls as we have the same problem as guys (dopamine triggered by orgasm) but as we mostly have more orgasms than guys having sex causes the high that then goes away leaving a low that causes us to crave more Os. Could you make it a condition of having sex that your partner doesn't bring you to orgasm, or edge you? ie no clitoral stimulation.
  5. tiredgirl

    tiredgirl New Fapstronaut

    I never orgasm from sex alone either... but I read that 75% of women never do just from penetration and that's pretty normal, and whether you do or don't depends on how far apart the clitoris and vagina are...

    I totally agree the chaser effect is a thing!
    EmmyB likes this.

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