Bestiality Escalation, HOCD combined

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by gglplxian, Apr 19, 2019.

  1. gglplxian

    gglplxian Fapstronaut

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    Hi, I am a 14yr old male. Sorry for the long post but I am really desperate here.

    I have been addicted to pornography for around 3/4 a year, first viewed it at, I think, 12. During my addiction, I always got off to straight stuff but I escalated without even knowing it, I got off to tentacle hentai, stepsis stuff, incest and loli. During this time and before, I was confident about my sexuality, I always had crushed on girls. One day I got a random unwanted thought that was something like “oh that guy is good-looking”, which in turn led to experience HOCD, was complete hell for me. Then a few weeks later I found myself getting off to me blowing another guy, and to my horror, I climaxed and felt like complete shit afterwards, crying and then went through a cycle of reassurance and doubt for a couple of months. These fantasies then got to these weird AF giant/threesome fantasies which further spiked my anxiety. Some of the reassurance I got was from NoFap when I found out that people escalated from straight porn to gay porn but then I would have this doubt that that wasn’t the case because I got off to a fantasy of giving a bj (no porn) so the doubt got worse. Another source of doubt was my friends and I used to slap each other’s asses for fun and laughs and I never thought this was gay since we weren’t doing it for the intention of feeling one another’s behinds. I feel like even if I did I would not get aroused, whereas if it was a female’s however...

    Question No.1 - Is fantasising the same as watching porn, and do you think I just got desensitised to straight porn which is why I had that fantasy or is having a fantasy different from straight out watching porn because I had the doubt that since I had a fantasy in my mind, not on a screen, I don’t have HOCD?

    Then a few days ago, I stumbled across bestiality porn (horse), and again, I got an erection (this is a few months after the gay fantasies, and a few days after me getting finally aroused to gay porn) and got an orgasm, which after, felt like I was just the most fucked up 14 year old out there coz the video was between a man and a stallion. I didn’t even have the strength to experience as much anxiety I got from HOCD and then this escalation to bestiality went on to also cause the cycle of reassurance and doubt. So I’ve been looking back at my childhood to see if I had any experiences with any animals and if I felt attracted to them in any way.

    Question No.2 - Is bestiality normal for a teen to escalate to, because when I was addicted to porn (in general, not bestiality) I watched it almost everyday and even more than once a day?

    Question No.3 - I do remember this one fantasy as a kid where it involved an animal in a book which looked like a woman (had lipstick and female clothes on), is that also normal?? (This one bothers me a lot).

    When I read the NoFap forums, a majority of the people who escalated are grown men, so then I obsess about the fact that I am a teen so that means that my situation is different so I truly am a zoophile, which makes me panic a lot. This escalation combined with the HOCD made me feel like complete shit so I became desperate enough to create a NoFap account and turn to you guys for some insight. Any would be really, really appreciated, please I really need some help, these is pretty confusing and scary for a teen.

    Thanks.

    P.S. Before the HOCD-causing thought and escalation to bestiality, I always had fantasies about women, never even though about sexual acts with the same sex, but then during HOCD, I obsessed that maybe when I was watching pornography, I was actually jerking off to the guy instead which also causes anxiety. Also all of my gay fantasies involved guys with really feminine characteristics (some had feminine faces, hung out with girls acted like girls). I then question myself if this is what I am attracted to but then dismiss the thought as the fantasies involved male genitalia so I become depressed again.
     
  2. ivanhoe

    ivanhoe Fapstronaut

    nope you just got hooked on porn and it escalated... just like any drug it can affect anyone at any age...
    then you're panicking because you think its somehow some flaw in you - it's not - you just got hooked on porn...porn is made to hook people, just like drugs, gambling and junk food.., once you know that you can start to walk away from it.
    it is like porn in the sense that you're getting off in your mind vs reality..
    not unusual for teens to explore boundaries, societal, sexual, mental, as for getting hooked- pornographers are TRYING to get you hooked - they know our weak points, wants, they know how to manipulate.. don't feel 'bad' about getting hooked to any kind of porn, just focus on getting that crap out of your life...
     
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  3. gglplxian

    gglplxian Fapstronaut

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    Thanks a bunch. I never knew how destructive porn could be, especially during adolescence, I plan to quit PMO for the school term and the holidays after, hopefully I will recover. Will the fantasies and arousal go away after doing NoFap for a long time?
     
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  4. ivanhoe

    ivanhoe Fapstronaut

    yes it can be especially destructive during adolescence but you know what? There are hundreds- maybe even thousands- of guys on this forum in their 20s, 30s, 40s,50s, 60s and beyond that admire the hell out of for your courage and wisdom to try to quit at a young age.
     
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  5. ivanhoe

    ivanhoe Fapstronaut

    don't concentrate about them going away- concentrate on where you want to go- those silly, childish fantasies are nothing compared to the life waiting for you. You may feel horrible right now - that's okay, also pat yourself on the back for having the guts to face this and get rid of i.
     
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2019
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  6. gglplxian

    gglplxian Fapstronaut

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    I keep worrying whether I am attracted to animals and that worry is reinforced by the fantasies. How do I stop obsessing over this?? Whenever I have these thoughts I keep reassuring myself by saying “you’ve only fantasised about people before this, calm down” but then I get the doubt that maybe I had some during childhood, I forgot about them and that this is some latent urge. It’s pretty distressing and I just want to forget everything about it.

    Also, I really want to stop experiencing arousal to this type of porn, will abstaining work? I know you told me not to focus too much on that but I just want to free of this pain.
     
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2019
  7. DogDaysOfLife

    DogDaysOfLife Fapstronaut

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    Yeah you looked at a lot of weird stuff. The reason people escalate through bizarre genres isn't because they actually have a fetish for it. It's just like "Oh, this is new, exciting, and shocking." Bestiality is really shocking for a lot of people.

    Young guys can be very susceptible to all this. Porn is poisonous. Do not obsess about this. Sexual orientation OCD is a nasty cycle that feeds off of worries about your identity. Am I gay? Am I straight? Do I have xyz ridiculous fetish? OCD obsessive thoughts won't answer your questions! So don't worry yourself sick over it. Act like it doesn't matter, so free yourself from thinking in circles and trying to be 100% sure of everything.
     
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  8. gglplxian

    gglplxian Fapstronaut

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    Is it possible to eliminate such abnormal fetishes with NoFap? Because I’m pretty sure that I would not have felt arousal at bestiality porn a few years ago.
     
  9. gglplxian

    gglplxian Fapstronaut

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    Can you escalate bad enough so that you watch bestiality porn involving a guy and a male horse and it turns you on? Is this really escalation or do I seem like an actual zoophile? Before this incident I felt nothing when looking at “good looking” animals like horses and dogs etc. and I still don’t but then I obsess that I am attracted to them when their genitalia both male and female shows and that I shouldn’t be so that means I am weird and twisted. This is killing me...
     
  10. DogDaysOfLife

    DogDaysOfLife Fapstronaut

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    I think so. If you don't look at it or fantasize about it, it doesn't matter. Problem solved. Nofap is about living in reality and not in nasty fantasy land.
     
    ivanhoe likes this.
  11. Youi_123

    Youi_123 Fapstronaut

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    Man you fucked up by looking at that shit and it’s fucking u up u need to change and take some time to think stuff through
     

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