Being the man I wish to be

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by tolkien107, Oct 16, 2018.

  1. tolkien107

    tolkien107 Fapstronaut

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    I'm new here,

    There are many things about myself that i wish to change. My addiction to porn and masturbation is the first and foremost of these. I do not expect this to be easy or straight forward. However, I will not permit myself to fail, no matter how many times I replase, no matter how many times I give in to temptation.

    I will persist.

    Day 0
     
  2. tolkien107

    tolkien107 Fapstronaut

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    I started my nofap journey yesterday. In my post yesterday I didn't really share much of my story.

    I discovered porn at the age of 13-14 like many guys. From then till the age of 20 I M prone, but still compulsively. I got into femdom stuff and a lot of dominatrix porn. I eventually taught myself to M the normal way but I was always complusive. I grew up short and chubby and never had a lot of confidence with girls. Porn was my substitute, now I'm older, in fairly good shape and doing alright fo myself but my secret shame has always been there.

    Because of P I am afraid to attach myself emotionally to any girl, I have PIED and am terrfied of being humiliated by being unable to perform. Honestly, despite functioning alright day to day P has really corroded my ability to become close to people.

    I am determined to rid myself of this shame.

    I will persist

    Day 1

    [Sorry for the repost, I accidentally started a new thread]
     
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2018
    better human likes this.
  3. tolkien107

    tolkien107 Fapstronaut

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    Got it done. Had urges but managed them.

    I will persist

    Day 2
     
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  4. tolkien107

    tolkien107 Fapstronaut

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    Made it through yesterday. Wasn't as productive as I would have liked to be though. There's a girl who's been talking to me a lot. She asked me to her flat for a drink after Uni. Hahahah why now

    I will persist

    Day 3
     
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  5. tolkien107

    tolkien107 Fapstronaut

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    Had urges today, I usually come on here and read sucess stories till my resolve shores up.

    Past halfway of my first week now. Probably the longest I've gone without at least edging of some discription for a couple of years, almost certainly the longest time I've gone without looking at some kind of porn for the same amount to time. Porn became part of my rountine, I'd get home after work or uni, sit down and do it to relax. That part of the day is where the urges are strongest, I find that I just avoid being at the computer for that hour and things get a bit easier.

    I will persist

    Day 4
     
  6. LakeLand

    LakeLand Fapstronaut

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    It's great that you figured out when and where you're the weakest mate. Do you have any hobbies you could focus on?
     
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  7. tolkien107

    tolkien107 Fapstronaut

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    Hey mate, I do have a few things I like to do. The problem is at the moment I'm preparing for exams which means long hours at the computer. So my managment of urges has been to try and get away for a while till they pass.
     
  8. tolkien107

    tolkien107 Fapstronaut

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    That girl has kept talking to me, it is really creating problems. She's quite attractive not sure if she's just wants to be friends or otherwise. Honestly, in the state I'm in I'm really not looking for anything but shes pretty cool, she even reads the books I recommend her and no one does that. It's messing with my head and I almost wacked off just because of that pretty weak tbh but at least I held the urges off.

    Haven't been the most productive with my study or exercise today. Only thing to do is knuckle down for tonight and be better tomorrow. On the plus side I'm getting close to a full week.

    I will persist

    Day 5
     
    better human likes this.
  9. Congratulations bro on.4 days. Am also currently on.day 4. Am not taking chances though, I asked my sister to add a blocker and password that I don't know. This is for those hard times when.the urges get crazy. All in all, good job and keep pushing and being strong.
     
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  10. tolkien107

    tolkien107 Fapstronaut

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    Cheers man appreciate it. I have one on my computer as well, what I do is type out a super complicated password, set it then delete the file the password was on so I can't get it back.
     
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  11. tolkien107

    tolkien107 Fapstronaut

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    Today was a good day. I felt strong, had a few urges here and there but was easier to push them aside, had three showers though hahah.
    Almost at the first week.

    I will persist.

    Day 6
     
  12. tolkien107

    tolkien107 Fapstronaut

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    First week today. Pretty proud of myself, I almost reset just because I was on my phone and was reflexively about to go on a P site. Managed to catch myself and stop though.
    First week done, excited for whats to come.

    I will persist

    Day 7
     
  13. tolkien107

    tolkien107 Fapstronaut

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    I think I'm hitting a flatline, the man downstairs hasn't been particularly active today. To be honest makes it easier to study.

    I will persist

    Day 8
     
  14. tolkien107

    tolkien107 Fapstronaut

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    Today has been tough, really had to fight urges. Begining to doubt the whole flatline thing. Held up but I can't wait till I'm done with exams will make things easier. Getting P flashbacks, today and last night.

    I will persist

    Day 9
     
  15. lhthe

    lhthe New Fapstronaut

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    haha i will wairting for u, come here my good boy ;))
     
  16. tolkien107

    tolkien107 Fapstronaut

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    Forgot to post yesterday, had my torts exam. Went fairly well I think, the defamation question was stupidly long though. Ended up at the girls flat after the exam, we ended up hanging out for like 5 hours hahaha, I think the option is probably there but honestly I think friendship is probably the more benefical relationship at the moment. Body is feeling good and things are fairly upbeat at the moment. I have an exam to prepare for on the 1st but i'm feeling fairly good about it.

    I will persist

    Days 10 & 11
     
  17. tolkien107

    tolkien107 Fapstronaut

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    Ran a marathon, feel like absolute shit hahaha.

    I will persist

    Day 12
     
  18. tolkien107

    tolkien107 Fapstronaut

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    Fell off the wagon.

    I feel like that may be bacause I stopped posting here. Will reset the counter and try again.

    I will persist
     
  19. Better Than This

    Better Than This Fapstronaut

    WE have all been there. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, learn how to avoid what triggered you, and get back to it.

    ...and yeah, I find when I think I am doing well, I am close to a relapse. Coming here every day or 2 reminds me why I am doing it.
     
    tolkien107 likes this.
  20. tolkien107

    tolkien107 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks mate
     

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