Being Reckless With Women

It's not about being indifferent. It's about placing value and importance on better things.

Outcome mindset vs the growth mindset. Are you concerned about avoiding pain, problems, and negative experiences... or are you concerned about doing the scary, difficult, and uncertain things that you know you should be doing to become the man that you want to be and to have the life that you want? Do you want each and every seemingly important social situation to have a positive outcome without ever having to improve... or do you embrace mistakes, rejection, adversity, and new experiences that would cause you to be challenged to become a better man?

Saying or doing the right (or wrong) things. How will you ever know what's right or wrong for you if you don't allow yourself to learn from experience? If you stop yourself before even seeing what happens? If you make assumptions and wait for guarantees before giving anything a half assed effort out of fear? People who are good at socializing are the ones that are willing to say or do the wrong thing. They learn to handle whatever happens (positive or negative). They care more about their growth and the eventual future positive experiences that are a result of that. Rather than the immediate outcome of a single situation. Circumstances are made not to matter as much by experiencing them more. You can't gain experience if you don't allow yourself the possibility of making mistakes. Reality is made up of both positive and negative experiences. Only things like fantasy or porn is where you have complete control of guaranteed outcomes.

You want confidence by being reckless, but what I'm talking about here is caring about and doing something more important even if you're currently insecure and incompetent at it. All you can do is your best. Your current best and all that things it currently lacks, but you're working towards. Anxiety kicks in when you try to do MORE than your best by overthinking. You think that if you think hard enough that you'll somehow make up for your lack of competence and experience without actually having to grow as a person. You think that if you overthink enough you'll be able to erase all any potential for a negative experience. Overthinking just leads to a performance that's less than your best and most of the time not even trying at all. All of this leads to the other person feeling creeped out because they can see that you want something from them and you're all messed up due to wanting that outcome to happen too much.

So next time you see someone you want to interact with... will you think "what do I say or what do I do to get a positive outcome without any adversity that will cause me to learn and grow?"... or will you think "let's do something that might not work and become better at something that I'm currently insecure and incompetent with." I think the recklessness you were describing was some sort of indifference (kind of like being drunk), but the recklessness that I'm proposing is allowing yourself to fuck up so that you know how to not fuck up later on (more deliberate with your actions, but finding something better to care about... your growth and future success rather than the outcome of a single interaction).

Care about something better than a single outcome. Care about something more than her physical attributes. Care about something more than needing a positive experience that leads to comfort, certainty, and ease. Care about something more than being perfect. Care about something more than being safe and avoiding losses / discomfort / uncertainty / rejection / mistakes / awkwardness / non smoothness / unideal situations. Care about what you want to say or do (your current best) rather than what you overthink / assume / speculate / hypothesize the other person wants to hear or see you do.

Take more risks and fail more. Rather than overthinking, taking less risks, and hesitantly trying to avoid failure then retreating even more into overthinking when you eventually don't get what you want.

Find something more important to care about than the reaction of a complete stranger rather than giving up your self respect just because of their physical attributes.

Go for what you want without the need to control everything. Go back to porn if you want predictable, certain, comfortable, and easy instantly gratifying outcomes that you don't have to work for.

 

Bull's Eye!! I have really struggled with this in the past and now that I have "let go" of trying to control the outcome I have found the feeling of letting go very liberating.

 

I was under the assumption that you wanted this since you created this thread, but if you don't want it... then don't do it.

Just don't sit on the fence and put weak effort into whatever you do. Find some certainty in how you want to live your life.

There will always be sacrifices and problems no matter what you do in life. Find the sacrifices and problems that you want to have in your life. The ones that are worth it.

Your circumstances and experiences have shaped what your version of the truth is in terms of what being in a relationship would mean for you.

It seems you've made up your mind before even creating this thread or even attempting to get better at socializing.

I can't convince you it's any different because I don't know what your circumstances, environment, and the people you meet are like. All I can say is that it's not that way for everyone.

 

Caring about and placing more value on better things have helped me a lot in letting go of the outcome.

All you can do is your current best with all the things that you currently lack, but are working towards.

You meet people and life in the middle by going for what you want. You invite people into your life. It's up to them if they want to join you. The problem is when you try to go beyond meeting them in the middle. When you try to compensate and convince. Rather than just allowing people to choose and moving on to people who are actually interested in you.

Have the mindset of... "Do you want to join me? If not, that's okay. Someone else will (someone who will give their willing enthusiasm to be with me), but I will still celebrate your presence and adore you while you choose to stick around."

Give freely. Always be inviting those that you're interested in. Always go for what you want... and at the same time be as least attached as possible.

I used to convince people to be interested in me a lot when I was younger. Sometimes it would work. Then I realized I always had to convince them for the duration of our relationship. Eventually I experienced people that were mutually willing and excited to be with each other. I never looked back after that. It's so much better. So now I try to get rejected as quickly as possible by expressing myself as honestly as possible from the beginning. So that I can quickly move on to people who are actually interested.

 

Been in your position. Stopped thinking. Just started doing. Seduced a beautiful your girl from the netherlands while travelling and we stayed together for a month. Nothing that happened was a coincidence. I put in all of the work on learning how to become good with girls, faced all my other fears and became an all around stronger person.

My gift to us was giving us both the most beautiful time you can imagine as a couple that isn't in love but still cares for each other very much. The concept of love is overrated anyway. Nearly everything that happened that was sexual and or romanticcc was initiated by me, partly because i am very creative, partly because i found out that i am indeed super fkn dominant. I've questioned that all my life before i met the girl. Know i know i am. I kinda knew it in my heart before, but never had any proof. Now i do. Not going to lie, that shit feels awesome.
We had an amazingly good time, even with me still suffering (to a lesser extent, but still noticeable)from PIED.

Figuring out what you like yourself with girls/woman and exploring your own sexuality is something worth persuing our entire lives. Its like learning, getting out of your comfort zone, growing spiritually and taking care of your body. All of those things are life long lessons.

My point is that EVERY-FUCKING-ONE can get good with woman, no matter your looks or education.
But you MUST put in the work. Greatness never comes from sitting around watching TV or playing videogames.

And IT IS WORTH IT. You will realize that the first time you sleep with a girl you really like and she really like you. Fkn beautiful mate.

And if you bring yourself to do it, girls/woman WILL reward you with something you think right now is unobtainable. Thinking you can't get it is fucking BS, a limiting believe. I AM LIVING THE PROOF OF THAT.
And i know myself. I can replicate that experience every single time now. I don't think whether its going to be beautiful with the next girl. I KNOW it will be. Because if i choose to get to the point of sleeping with her, i know she doesn't have to worry. I'll take over and make it beautiful for both of us.

If you EVER want to have an amazing time, you should seriously consider stopping to watch porn alltogether. You don't necessarely have to cut out the masturbation, even though i highly recommend doing that as well.
Whatever else you do in your life, know this.

Cutting porn entirely WILL increase the quality of the sex, your affection towards her and especially her attraction to you not just a bit, but tremendously.

Its worth going to harder route now to have a better life later.

I know you can do it mate.
Cause i have done it too. (And i am average looking, pretty short with my 169cm, and my D is below average as well)

 

Porn is a very bad alternative to women, but it is a very easy one.

"Socially Reckless" is a great term, and easier in large cities where everyone's a stranger. When I do it, I start walking and think "ahhh, fuck it!" and let my body take over. Sometimes it works great, sometimes I fumble words out of my mouth, it happens.

 

That's what's important in deciding, here. You don't want commitment or children. So, do things that won't result in either.

Look, I know exactly what you're saying. But, it's called a "diamond in the ruff" for a reason: You have to work to find it. Many, many girls in the younger generation are fake. I've never dated 30+ women, but I'm sure they are just as flaky and prone to making drama.

But, the good ones are still out there. Hell, I'm talking to one right now: Very beautiful, and with all the conservative principles I could wish for. She was a long while in the finding, but I'm incredibly glad to have met her. For now, I'll keep my eyes open for red flags, but so far she's legit, and she respects my masculinity and my maturity to handle my life.

If you're serious about not wanting commitment, I'd say just be casual with ladies, flirt when it fancies you, pursue casual sex if that's what you want from life and always use and check your condoms (I say check because some older women poke holes or otherwise sabotage them to fulfill their last opportunity for procreation).

Everything else you wrote -- about your worries and the disrespect of masculinity -- is only a problem if you want marriage and children, really. If not, casual sex or P-focused sessions might be the only thing you have to look forward to. Bang 'em and forget 'em, as it were.

But, if you deeply want those connections and child-making circumstances, then stay away from P and keep your eyes clean and open. Personally, it's the best decision I could ever make.

 

Can you explain the benefits of porn? Cause i don't see any except my brain getting fkd.
And regular relationships with woman become next to impossible due to the wrong body image of woman that porn was implementing in my brain.

 

I wasn't advocating for P. It's just -- depending on what you want in life -- it can be one of the only options you have for sexual gratification.

If you don't want marriage and children, then promiscuity is your alternative; if in addition you are either too socially awkward or view relationships with women as problematic (for cultural or political reasons), then P is the last option, there. Or, go full celibate monk.

I value marriage and children, so I want P completely out of my life. My argument is that, depending on what you want out of life, moderation with P might be the thing that brings you satisfaction. It is a case-by-case basis.

In your case, it sounds like you would do well without P.

 

I agree. If someone has no wish to be with a real woman and no interest in them, they can feel free to use porn.
I still think it would be better for them to work on themself and quit porn. Probably a happier life in the long run : )
Porn just feels like an "easy way out" for me, so they dont have to deal with their problems.

There are also a ahitload of guys and girls out there who just don't have an issue with porn, watch it regularly and function normally. You are fully right on that.

And yeah. I love women. I want to have relationships with them. Whether its a beautiful, hot, short term affair, an LTR or a wife with kids some day.
All of that includes that i will never watch porn in my life, ever again.

I know every single future relationship i am going to have will be better because of that.