Being gay and lonely

i am bi n lonely. n get depressed quite often. i've sort of accepted the loneliness. like i had lunch with my colleauges the other day n i felt so out of place. they could talk easily, do easy small talk n crack jokes. but i was getting bored n just sat quietly n looking around.

 

I can totally relate. I'm gay too and sometimes the loneliness is just unbearable! I live in Montreal, it's a very gay-friendly city so you can come out as a gay man without being judged. Although, it's total sexual freedom here and in the gay community in general, so when you are looking for an authentic relationship based on love and not only focussed on sex, it's extremly hard... Every guy here wants sex and most guys are into anonymous hook ups. Sex is so easy to get that everyone falls into the trap... The only places I used to meet other gays were on the internet and in gay club, where every single conversation turned to sexual conversations within a few minutes... Let's also mention all the influence PMO has in our community! It fucks up brains.

Right now I don't meet any gay guy since I don't use dating sites anymore and that I quit the gay village, so it's hard to find gay guys, and when I meet some (at school or by friends), they're into the gay scene.

I feel lonely sometimes, i totally understand you and I am sad to be a part of this community... Sex has taken control over gay men. :/

 

I'm a lot older than you guys -- I'm 53 -- and I've never married. I am not in any relationship. I am same-sex-attracted. (I don't use the word "gay" because I think it implies some things that aren't true for me.) And I can definitely understand the loneliness you have talked about.

One point I'd make is that while there are some things we can't do much about, there are things we CAN change. For example, I tried and failed to change my feelings/attraction, and I have always felt a certain distance from other men because I always worried about drawing too close for the wrong reason.

All the same, I have come to be at peace with my life, good and bad. I have friends I trust and rely on. I haven't shared this part of my life with them; no doubt many of them have figured me out on their own. I don't worry about it. Making friends, and enjoying others' company, are things I can do something about, and I have. I have a good life, even if it's not the life I planned for. I can think back to things I hoped for when I was young, such as marriage and family, and be sad; or I can look at the good life I have, and be happy.

I think part of what I've experienced in my life -- and maybe what some of you have experienced -- is a sense of just being "different." I wonder, because the world is so different from when I was a boy; so I don't know if someone in his 20s or younger can identify with what I'm talking about. What I do know is that I felt it keenly for many years. Now, I look around the world around me, and lots of us are "different," each in our own ways.

I hope this helps.

 

I might add:

One thing that helped me a lot was when I shared my secret with a couple of my close friends. They aren't gay; but they accepted me and always have. My point being: sometimes having a straight friend to talk to can help a lot. It's eye-opening to have someone not think it's a big deal (because till that point, we thought "it" was a HUGE deal).

 

I love reading everyone's posts especially those that are bi and gay who are experiencing similar things> its encouraging to find others that are lgbt that are not sucked into the lifestyle and looking for something different> Id be interested in being an AP for any of you here. Im just learning myself and the help has been tremendous. Im not opposed to friendships on the phone and even facebook. So if anyone wants to chat feel free to hit me up.

 

Being gay, loneliness, and on top of it trying not to PMO is the hardest thing for me. I am really convinced that be on Nofap is more difficult for us, gays than for straight...

 

eg.: gay dating world is extremely sexually orientated; so if you don't wanna be single and eg. do dating websites/gay clubs then sooner or later you will encounter pornography.

 

I was just about to post when I read this. If any of you guys need a straight male to talk to, don't hesitate to contact me. I don't feel like our orientation is relevant. But I can see where it may not be a good idea for me to talk to a straight female about these issues, especially when lonely.

 

Can/should loneliness be a choice?

 

Dude I know exactly how you feel! I live in a tiny town where there is literally no one my own age who is gay. All of my friends are extremely supportive but it is not the same as having someone to 'just be gay' with. Never mind the slim prospects of an actual relationship.

Sadly there is not much one can do but try take comfort in your friends.

I have been pushing boundaries with my friends, trying to find a happy medium where I can still feel like I am being totally myself but not 'gaying up' the room.

Interestingly it has worked quite well. My friends are all slowly opening up more and more to me in that regard. Even the dudes!

 

I may hit u up on that offer to talk sometime

 

Anytime, brother.

 

James B: feel free to PVT me if you want to talk more. Im 45 and well into the years of gay life , and kinda out of it as well currently. So I can try to offer some insight.

 

it is not hard to connect with other gay at all in this technological world,there are so many social apps for gay,such as Jack'd ,just use the apps to connect with the gay you could have sense of,and I think you should be bold to communicate with people more often,anyway ,being a talkative man is not bad in this age!

 

I have had two gay friends both of which were very funny, charming men who's friendship I enjoyed very much.
Sadly both of them, for reasons only known to them made it known they didn't wish to see any more of me.
Even now I miss both of them, a real shame gay and straight men can't be friends, our sexual orientation and sexuality in general is only a small part of us and shouldn't get in the way of friendship.

 

Hope you will find that straight and gay folk can be friends... I agree that friendship can be a bridge that overcomes the differences.