Becoming Human Once Again (27 Y/O Virgin)

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by getontop, Jan 6, 2019.

  1. getontop

    getontop Fapstronaut

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    Hello friends,

    Great to meet you.

    I am a 27 year old male who’s life has been marked by a few set backs which have hindered my development. Essentially, I have had issues with anxiety disorders for the past 10 years, but have very much persevered through these and achieved a top degree from a prestigious University, gotten a good job, met good people and have a better life than I did. I travel and go to music festivals and enjoy my hobbies of playing the guitar, learning the Spanish language, photography and writing. Social anxiety really stopped me from meeting women in my life as I would become quite anxious around them, but this year I discovered a great method to recover from anxiety disorders. I am now recovering from these and I am seeing cracks of light break through the false-self I have created in restricting my enjoyment of life due to high anxiety. There is so much I want to do in the world, and a lot of potential which is not being realised. I have made a commitment to myself to resolve the underlying issues which have made moving towards a better life very difficult.

    Life is not lived with a defensive and withdrawn personality, and with insecurity in us. I have one great best friend, and have a great relationship with my family, but I’d like to get well and move on to get more from life. I have never dated and am a virgin, and at this moment I do not want to go on this way. I would like to heal emotionally and meet a good woman who I can form a strong bond with. Being balanced, productive and whole is my goal.

    It has been a long journey and a mistakes were made, but now, I know what I need to do to heal. I am far less anxious now and almost totally recovered from the disorder. I have learned the Buteyko method to deal with my physiology which was wracked by my disorders, and I will commit to a hard reset of my brain with fasting from porn, masturbation and orgasm for 120 days.

    I have previously gotten up to a 50 day streak, before relapsing and masturbating again. I did not masturbate to porn. Slowly but surely, I started masturbating to porn again. I would continuously stop and start this cycle, going through cycles of building 30 day streaks, before relapsing again, because my sexual energy would build up sky high and I was too anxious to talk to women. Well, now I am recovering from my anxiety, I am doing better socially and I want to reset my brain and get over to the other side....

    I expect this will not be easy, but nonetheless, what needs to be done must be done.

    Best wishes,
    R.
     
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  2. AwesomeBeast

    AwesomeBeast Fapstronaut

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    I'm happy for you bro. There is a better life ahead, keep persevering
     
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  3. getontop

    getontop Fapstronaut

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    Thank you man.

    Today is day 7 for me.

    Been totally fine, not much by way of urges. I've kept busy and am just enjoying my life, trying to push my mind and behave like a different and more balanced man.
     
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  4. getontop

    getontop Fapstronaut

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    As the first week comes to an end, I have found some refreshing solace in stepping away from the cycle of dysfunctional sexual behaviour. This alone gives me hope. There is a rich world of depth and bonding beyond this veneer of false self and dysfunctional sexual expression.

    There is a burgeoning influx of sexual thoughts, which can be a bit scary when one is trying to avoid PMO, but this time around I don't necessarily conceive this as a negative thing. What if these thoughts are necessary for the mind to expel old data and go back to balance? I can remember some hard nights in the past where I couldn't sleep due to a maelstrom of sexual fantasy, which has caused relapse in the past. Perhaps those dark nights of the soul are integral to the healing process?
     
  5. AwesomeBeast

    AwesomeBeast Fapstronaut

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    I'm on and off in my struggle with this porn addiction and based on what I experienced withdrawal symptoms are definitely hard to ignore especially around 21st to the 30th day of recovery. What I learned is that we just needs to keep moving forward. I hate to undergo withdrawal symptoms again that's why even if how difficult it is I keep pushing through. Sometimes urges feels like forever but it will definitely past. Just have to hold on for better version of ourself.
     
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  6. getontop

    getontop Fapstronaut

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    Yeah for sure. When you make substantial changes in your life it gets easier. Its about becoming the person you want to be imo.

    Day 9 :)
     
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  7. getontop

    getontop Fapstronaut

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    Day 11 - smooth sailing. No real urges, no flat line, just living lfe
     
  8. getontop

    getontop Fapstronaut

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    Day 12.

    I feel a lot more attraction to women now, actual physical, real world women lol.

    Also, I feel as if they find me more attractive also. An energy shift.

    I will continue to comply. The goal is 120 days for me.
     
  9. getontop

    getontop Fapstronaut

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    Much more desire for women irl...
     
  10. getontop

    getontop Fapstronaut

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    Day 15

    No real urges or anything, think I might be in a flatline.
     
  11. getontop

    getontop Fapstronaut

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    Day 16.

    I am feeling far better in myself and am taking consistent action to improve my life.

    I do not want to be a lonely and underachieving man, I want to set some goals, dream big and develop an unbreakable iron will to see my goals through into fruition.

    I am going to write a life plan today and will share on here.

    R
     
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  12. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    I am commenting here to get updates of your journal
    Best of luck
     
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  13. getontop

    getontop Fapstronaut

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    Life Plan

    To change the way I think.

    To change the way I live.

    To change the way I view sex and women.

    I want to live life at a higher level, more effectively manage my emotions, change the way I think and view the world.

    Study

    I am done with formal education, but will be studying to embark on a new career, digital marketing.

    Work:

    Start a career in digital marketing, build myown business, travel and earn while I do it.

    Family:

    I would like to strengthen my relationship with my Mum and my brother. I would also like to get a partner and have a baby in the future. I will not marry in my life.

    Friends:

    I would like to make some new friends and hang out socially with new people.

    Hobbies:

    I would like to get good on the guitar and learn to sing. I’d also like to learn the Spanish language and get fit.

    My Vision

    I would like to be fit, healthy, and strong. I would like to be in a body that moves well and is balanced. I would like to be free of lower back issues and have a strong core. I want to be lean and to look physically attractive.

    I want to be passionately pressing forwards with my career, which I will start in digital marketing. I want to be earning a good salary and eventually running my own business whilst travelling the world.

    Romantically, I would like to have a dating and sex life. I have never dated or had sex. I want to be free to date women and enjoy sex.

    I want to have rewarding hobbies and play the guitar and sing to a good level. I want to learn the Spanish language and speak it as I explore the world.

    I want a larger group of friends who I can socialise with and hang out with and enjoy life with.

    I want to travel the world and see the incredible sights the world has to offer, and experience the incredible things that are to be experienced in the world.

    I want to fall in love and have a partner I am truly into, who is mutually truly into me. I want us to grow together as people and for us to do interesting things in the world.

    In sum, I want to live my life at a far higher level and be a focused, productive, high achieving person who has high standards and hits his goals, whilst also being the life and soul of the party who people are fond of.

    Why have I not achieved a better life?

    I keep delaying things until I feel better. I have an anxiety disorder, so I want to wait until recovery for me to start achieving more. This isn’t how it works. I’ve tried in the past to take action in some areas and do things, but I ended up feeling worse because I went too hard and did it in an unsustainable way which left me stressed out. I will now take action in a sustainable and productive way.

    Stop delaying. You cannot delay any more. The stars will not align. You need to believe that you can actually do this.

    Reasons why I should start pursuing my life goals.

    • Because I really want to achieve a better life and think it will be a great victory for me,

    • Because I am bored and unfulfilled.

    • Because I have let so much time and potential slip by

    • Because it is not sustainable for me to continue being lonely, to feel the pain of underachieving, to feel the regret of not realising my potential. It hurts a lot. I don’t want to experience this. I want to be happy and light and easy.

    • A lonely life is a wasted life. We are here on earth to be balanced and productive souls who love and nurture each other. I want a partner, and to do this, I need experience and to feel better about myself.
    Urgency

    I need urgency and I need to know that change is imminent.
     
  14. getontop

    getontop Fapstronaut

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    I'm off to hang out in Berlin for the weekend. I've never travelled solo before, so this is going to be fun for me. Was a little nervous earlier this week but excited now. I want to do more travelling and that will include solo trips, so this is a good start to 2019.
     
  15. getontop

    getontop Fapstronaut

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    Journalling from Berlin today.

    In my hotel, feeling at ease after a long day.

    Some minor mishaps happened, left my travel adaptor at home, the places I tried to find to eat were shut, but found a nice supermarket and my hotel lend out travel adaptors so that solved things.

    Going to use this weekend to recharge and just enjoy the miracle of life.

    I was talking to a girl at work today. She's 2 years older than me, I think she's single, and we email each other funny memes and stuff because she works for another department in my organisation. One thing that I've worked on this year has been my communication skills. I have become a far better communicator than I was and am much more social than I was a year ago. I w to as talking to this lovely girl today and I felt really attracted to her. Hours later, I had pangs of intrigue. It would be cool to get to know her better.

    I couldn't date someone at my job because it could potentially be a bad idea. Generally I think it's not advised. I would like a girlfriend in the future and am looking forward to getting more experience connecting with women. I also am a bit overweight (15lbs) so could definitely do with taking action to lose that.

    I promise you guys I am going to continue to execute and have full belief that I can build the life I want.

    In two years, I want to be in a well-paid career, have a wonderful partner, have moved somewhere more interesting than where I currently live, and to be fit and healthy. I am starting now because delaying things and not believing that change is imminent is what has put me where I am today, in a frustrating and quite unfulfilling position.
     

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