becoming a live-in slave

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by graham55, May 22, 2018.

  1. graham55

    graham55 Fapstronaut

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    I've just relapsed twice again today. I start off by watching femdom videos but that's not a big deal. I now pay for skype/cam sessions with a dominatrix.

    she forces me to eat my cum(because i tell her to), breathplay and more recently, jerking off while my parents/mum is home and look at her while masterbating. I know seek out any dark/taboo fetishes.

    the next step is to become a live in slave, unfortunately i don't have the finances for that and so the best i can do is donatte all my income weekly which isn't enough for the dommes I've contacted.

    the next best option is to pay my savings to a Dom for what i can afford which is 2 weeks of being a live in slave,then no savings and all my money for the last 6 months savings gone. The problem being I won't be able to repeat the session anytime soon. I know I'll like it, fully becoming a slave.

    i think there's no point in fighting something that's meant to be, porn is bad and I'm addicted sure but becoming a live in slave has nothing to do with porn.

    i admit porn is silly but the real thing is what i should be doing. It's clear porn is a problem so I'll try and stop porn in the meantime ill have sessions. Why fight it when being a slave I enjoy
     
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  2. Horenuker

    Horenuker Fapstronaut

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    Sooooopo let me get this straight...you are giving ur life savings over to someone and in return they promise to make u there slave. Can I ask u to sit and have rational thought as to what u are doing? Or are just to far removed from normal society that u feel this is truly born to what you want to do?
     
  3. Porn impels! Porn impels! It has thrown you so off-center that you have left the 'land of common sense'! Your passions are driving you this way...off the deep end.
     
  4. 333

    333 Fapstronaut

    I DO understand the power of fetishes; believe me. But what unsettles me about your post is that you don't seem to recognise any of the problems in what you're saying. And let me preface what I'm about to say by reminding you that you only have one life to live on this earth... And opportunity-cost will eat you alive, by the time you're 40, if you make foolish decisions now.

    Let me summarize what you just told us:

    1) You're "seeing" a dominatrix, by webcam who makes you emasculate yourself and jerk off to your mother (i.e. she's a mentally ill psycho).

    2) You want to be a "live in slave, but you "don't have the finances." So, translation... this is 100% pay-for-access. And you'll never earn money fast enough to keep up (meaning -- being broke and pathetic, and living with your parents until they kick you out of the house).

    3) So, to begin making your dreams reality... you've started sending all your money to webcam girls in exchange for nothing.

    4) And your ultimate goal is to be chewed up and spit out, over and over, for lack of funds by sociopathic, lowlifes... until you wake up, broken and empty, on the morning of your 40th birthday and realize your whole life has been wasted, and there's no time left to change course.

    Sounds like a fantastic plan!

    In all seriousness... Your profile says that you're 28 years old. And the decisions you make, over the next ten years, will determine the trajectory of your life. These next ten years are the red hot core of your ultimate destiny. And you seriously need to wake the fuck up.
     
    Last edited: May 22, 2018
  5. Vandermeer

    Vandermeer Fapstronaut

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    I do not see the point of describing your wanna be enslaved life style here. Of course you can do what you want with your own life. But what you are talking about has nothing to do with original noFap ideas, because some forced chastity is no way comparable to volunteerly giving up or actively fighting a strong porn addiction. You rather get your additional kicks by telling us your personal fetishes. I don´t care. Become a slave, and hand your life over to some professional hooker, if you want.
     
  6. graham55

    graham55 Fapstronaut

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    I'm 22
     
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  7. graham55

    graham55 Fapstronaut

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    The relevance is that i often see posts here about fetishes and porn induced fetishes.

    In my case i had them before porn, last night time i spent some time thinking about it and 3 occourancea stand out.

    When i was a child around the ages of 0-10 i had femdom thoughts before porn.

    I was raised as a Muslim and was taught that paradise was under the feet of my mother (this might be a strange concept to understand). When i first heard about it i thought it was weird but told my mum while she was lying down on a bed and proceeded to kiss her feet.

    the 2nd instance is i remember having watched a movie where a girl collars a guy with the heel of her boots and immediately thought about how hot that was. There was more scenes where she had guys as slaves on all fours as furniture, i can't remember the movie but it got me aroused. Again i was 5-10.

    the third instance I recall was when i went round some relatives house we somehow got talking about feet and one the girls asked me to smell her foot to see if it smelled like pineapple since shed bought a new lotion.

    in primary school one teacher would say if you misbehave you sit at the front next to my cheesy feet and it turned me on.

    when i think about these 3 instances they are neutral events. I couldn't control what happened to in any of the circumstances.

    i don't immediately think ah that's how my fetishes started because its hard to understand. A foot is a neutral thing but for some reason i found it arousing.
     
  8. Immature

    Immature Fapstronaut

    THIS IS SO FUCKING TERRIBLE! STOP!!!! DON'T even think of this shit, YOU ARE DESTROYING YOUR LIFE!!!!!
     
  9. Nomar

    Nomar Fapstronaut

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    This is fucked dude. Consider what you’re saying here. Go take a walk outside and think about this. Get some help.
     
  10. rooftop

    rooftop Fapstronaut

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    You need to know that the whole BDSM world (including the last but not least, degenerate femdom/findom fetishes) are absolutely and invention and creation of our culture.

    I guarantee you there´s nothing really deep in you that likes being an slave.

    Your sexual tastes have been amorfed, yes. Like everyone who has watched PMO.

    Reboot and see it for yourself.
     
  11. Vandermeer

    Vandermeer Fapstronaut

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    I do not see any problem with having and telling about your foot fetish, I kinda have one myself. And it is interesting how precisely you are able to remember and analyze about the childhood situations, where it probably developed from. But your chosen headline and started thread is telling everyone here, that you are planning to follow an obviously selfdestructive lifestyle, completly devoted to your sexual fantasies/addiction. That´s to me like an alcoholic or debted gambler, who obviously realizes he has a serious addiction problem, then telling his 12 step program group proudly stubborn that he plans to quit his job, leave his wife and to party hard for the next months in Las Vegas by his savings. So what? Do not expect anyone to talk it out of your head (many will try anyway), if this is what you want, this is what you will get. Nobody except yourself is responsible for your life and fate.
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2018
  12. ukbritishbloke

    ukbritishbloke Fapstronaut

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    You'd be better off actually being a woman's live in slave than paying money to someone you never meet on the internet so you can pretend to be one. At least it'd be real. And they wouldn't want your money.

    Give up porn.
     
  13. graham55

    graham55 Fapstronaut

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    they all want money, you can't be a live in slave for free, there's too many guys who want the lifestyle and not enough dommes
     
  14. ukbritishbloke

    ukbritishbloke Fapstronaut

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    Give up porn, Graham. What's in your head is pure porn induced fantasy.
     
  15. JustinX

    JustinX Fapstronaut

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    I agree desire to become a slave was not created by porn but the first root or seed that has grown to this behaviour was created in early childhood.

    The root cause is that you have very low self-worth, due to your insecurities (inadequacy about your cock/height/body/face/money/behavior), you feel like you are not good enough and therefore you dont deserve the right treatment (proper sex with girlfriend). You subconsciously feel you have some value only when you serve others, so others' needs are important to you not your own.

    As I result once you started to watch porn, porn just fed on this behavior, it was able to connect and exploit your insecurities, told you that you should be grateful for when given 'table scraps' because you feel like you dont deserve even that aka femdom and slave treatment. After several years your brain basically became rebuilt/accustomed to this behavior reaching the point when you can have pleasure only from femdom and not from normal sex.

    My recommendation:
    1. save those money
    2. find a therapist to explore and understand that root cause for that behaviour from childhood, maybe do CBT
    3. fix your insecurities if you can and/or embrace them if impossible to change.
    4. do the nofap to reset your brain again
    If you do all above things successfully (I know because I have already done them!) you find out that vanilla sex will excite you exactly same as now femdom does and femdom will stop arouse at all because it wont be able to connect to your insecurities anymore.
    It will be a long journey but fuckin worth it. Good luck!
     
  16. Mr.Chips

    Mr.Chips Fapstronaut

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    Mm let me tell u my opinion as someone who suffers from femdom fetish.. Idk how it looks to u buddy but to me I never feel I want to be in the part you are describing (never payed or made it in real life or cams) unless I am getting urges... Once I resist a urge for a day and half or two days.. I start feeling and thinking (peacefully and normally) that it is not bad nor wrong at all to be a slave to a dom as long as u both get each other. But when I relapse.. All this thinking vanishes and at that moment I know Nothing about femdom or any fetish but a bad and illogical and disgusting habit.

    If we consider it a fine thing to go within as a femdom relationship for example, you need to think about serious things :

    1-Majority of females are not into being Dom and if u find one.. They mainly target you for your money. Once ur money is done.. U r done. And someone else replaces u.
    2-If you really accept that.. Then why buddy? U won't be free of ur lust and u won't enjoy it too. I assure to u u will just enter a door of hell where it will be hardly to go back. You can read some rare threads here complaining of real femdom and they don't know how to get out of it. Don't believe what u see in videos. They suffer too and u can see that on their faces.
    3- The only option which I totally believe a solution is to get rid of it, I can tell you that if u stop fapping for a month at least ur femdom fantasies will become less. I did not get to even ten days since a long time, Very long time(but reached it before) . Although i am literally trying hardly and desperately.. It is hard but it is the only solution and u can do it.. Many did it here. I am from few who are suffering maybe. And can't complain about it, I am the only one who can help it.
    4- Your thinking will change while nofap.. U will literally see it something else, and you will read this thread again and you will be SHOCKED OF YOUR EX-SELF.

    Yeah this addiction is F*cking us.. But the only way to solve it.. Is to get rid of it.

    Sorry if something went wrong in my comment. Best of luck.
     
  17. graham55

    graham55 Fapstronaut

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    day 0 pmo'd with a cam mistress again.
     
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  18. TIMMY0110

    TIMMY0110 Fapstronaut

    Hi Graham,

    I have foot fetish and femdom fetish just like you. Like you rightly said we had foot fetish even before watching porn. Since foot fetish is not porn induced, this fetish will never go away.

    However, femdom is porn induced and hard to control. You are addicted to femdom so much that you are ready to throw your life savings away. This addiction has clouded your judgement. Come back to your senses before it is too late.

    Note: I had a the exact thought of live in as a slave. I still have urges (just reading your post about femdom and visualizing gave me an erection ), but I also know that acting out the fantasy will get me into trouble.

    Your life is in your hands. So its upto you.
     
  19. thorswrath32

    thorswrath32 Fapstronaut

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    That basically sums it up. A long time ago when i was at the height of my PMO journey i wrote to someone who claimed to be a dominatrix, can't even remember how i got hold of them, think it was some kind of dodgy dating website. Anyway, i wrote to them, gave them something like £20 and they sent me a picture but i saw sense and realised this was going to make me very poor very quickly and seeing as all of the other porn i obtained was free i decided against getting into this clearly destructive and harmful exchange any further.

    I can understand the allure of that lifestyle, it's basically living in depravity and being a pervert where all your ill desires are at your finger tips, but there is a heavy price to pay and it will leave you a broken man. What you describe isn't the same as being in a proper relationship with someone who loves you and you both agree you like a bit of sub/dom play, that's a two way street where you are both in conrtol. When it comes to exchanging money you are in an exploitative relationship, one party is exploiting the other, whether you agree to it or not.
     
  20. MCStruggler

    MCStruggler Fapstronaut

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    Holy shit dude,
    I have to be fucking honest with you about this since your story would almost be bit goofy if it wasnt so horrifying & fucked up. You are really losing it right now, you are really losing your grips on your desires & urges that you are now paying a weird ass dominatrix to do this weird shit. I can understand your attraction to being dominated by a women & it can be quite a turn on to meet a sexy woman who knows what she wants & isnt afraid to be bossy to satisfy her own desires & making you cater to her every whim (as long that she still treats you like a man). But that doesnt mean that you should completely mess up your life to become the slave of some freaky ballbusting bitch in tight leather pants & whip who makes a living of sex crazed men with no direction or meaning in their life who like to be treated like cheap pathetic sluts.

    I myself dont really believe in fetishes especially in this incredibly destructive one that you are describing since I think that fetishes are just some specific sexual preferences that got way out of hand & were to often too vigourously stimulated or acted on as in your case probably. So please get your life on track bro, as a fellow muslim it hurts me even more to read that you are seriously thinking to devote your life to an vile & mean spirited woman who will treat you like a pet which is not only disgusting but also ethically/morally wrong in every way, especially within our faith that considers your idea to voluntarily become a slave of someone else as idiol worship which is one of the greatest sins of all.
     
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2018

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