Attracted to the wrong types of people

SlapTheFap · Feb 1, 2017

I sometimes wonder if our loneliness could be attributed to being attracted to the wrong types of people that can never bring true fulfillment.

I can count on one hand (minus a few fingers) those whom I think are my friends... Male, female or otherwise. My childhood was spent with the leftovers, the ones that nobody else wanted to befriend. Not sure why I was attracted to them. Maybe it was just easier than experiencing the continual rejection (apparently, I just can't "grow some" - rejection has always wounded me greatly). My best friend in high school had schizophrenia. The girl I took to the prom had CP (if it wasn't for us going together, neither of us would have went). My marriage was a disaster because my wife was damaged in so many ways, but I thought I could "help" her. And then muddling my way through one unhealthy church and job situation on top of another. These things are like a magnet. I'm attacted to them, even though I really don't want to be.

It's not that i wasnt attracted to other girls or guys that I would have wanted to be friends with, but I always found myself on the outside of those social circles and never able to break through the invisible bubble that surrounded them. How long should one bang their head against the proverbial brick wall? It was like I was repelled from these settings.

And after being stabbed in the back so often by so-called "friends", I just don't feel like I should even bother trusting others again. It's taken a lot of courage to post on here, and I fear I will regret it. Loneliness has just become a way of life. It's the misfits or nobody it seems.

Proceed · Feb 3, 2017

SlapTheFap said: ↑

I can count on one hand (minus a few fingers) those whom I think are my friends... Male, female or otherwise. My childhood was spent with the leftovers, the ones that nobody else wanted to befriend. Not sure why I was attracted to them. Maybe it was just easier than experiencing the continual rejection (apparently, I just can't "grow some" - rejection has always wounded me greatly)
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You might have answered your own question here, friend.. There is a reason that nobody else wanted to befriend those people. If you are not in control, and instead of choosing your friends you let your friends choose you, you won't be happy with your selection. Some people will not be good to you. Others will. My suggestion is to make friends with similar interests and hobbies. If you don't have interesting hobbies, then become interested in other people. People love it when you are interested in them. Good luck!

D . J . · Feb 9, 2017

SlapTheFap said: ↑

I sometimes wonder if our loneliness could be attributed to being attracted to the wrong types of people that can never bring true fulfillment.

I can count on one hand (minus a few fingers) those whom I think are my friends... Male, female or otherwise. My childhood was spent with the leftovers, the ones that nobody else wanted to befriend. Not sure why I was attracted to them. Maybe it was just easier than experiencing the continual rejection (apparently, I just can't "grow some" - rejection has always wounded me greatly). My best friend in high school had schizophrenia. The girl I took to the prom had CP (if it wasn't for us going together, neither of us would have went). My marriage was a disaster because my wife was damaged in so many ways, but I thought I could "help" her. And then muddling my way through one unhealthy church and job situation on top of another. These things are like a magnet. I'm attacted to them, even though I really don't want to be.

It's not that i wasnt attracted to other girls or guys that I would have wanted to be friends with, but I always found myself on the outside of those social circles and never able to break through the invisible bubble that surrounded them. How long should one bang their head against the proverbial brick wall? It was like I was repelled from these settings.

And after being stabbed in the back so often by so-called "friends", I just don't feel like I should even bother trusting others again. It's taken a lot of courage to post on here, and I fear I will regret it. Loneliness has just become a way of life. It's the misfits or nobody it seems.
Click to expand...

You are making yourself a victim of your own choices. You chose to be friends with the guy in high school. His friendship was offered but you accepted it. You chose to the date who had issues, you chose your wife. All of the relationships you were apart of that you are unhappy, you chose.

Begin making better decisions. Don't be so quick to accept friendships. Don't be so quick to accept what is right in front of you. Choose more wisely ... choose more thoughtfully.

I Free I · Feb 20, 2017

The people above have already answered the question for you ...

I would say be thankful that you've gotten some friends to spend time with, whether good or bad . There's people in the outside world that don't have anyone... not a soul. Be appreciative and thank you for sharing .

Hiraeth · Feb 20, 2017

SlapTheFap said: ↑

I sometimes wonder if our loneliness could be attributed to being attracted to the wrong types of people that can never bring true fulfillment.

I can count on one hand (minus a few fingers) those whom I think are my friends... Male, female or otherwise. My childhood was spent with the leftovers, the ones that nobody else wanted to befriend. Not sure why I was attracted to them. Maybe it was just easier than experiencing the continual rejection (apparently, I just can't "grow some" - rejection has always wounded me greatly). My best friend in high school had schizophrenia. The girl I took to the prom had CP (if it wasn't for us going together, neither of us would have went). My marriage was a disaster because my wife was damaged in so many ways, but I thought I could "help" her. And then muddling my way through one unhealthy church and job situation on top of another. These things are like a magnet. I'm attacted to them, even though I really don't want to be.

It's not that i wasnt attracted to other girls or guys that I would have wanted to be friends with, but I always found myself on the outside of those social circles and never able to break through the invisible bubble that surrounded them. How long should one bang their head against the proverbial brick wall? It was like I was repelled from these settings.

And after being stabbed in the back so often by so-called "friends", I just don't feel like I should even bother trusting others again. It's taken a lot of courage to post on here, and I fear I will regret it. Loneliness has just become a way of life. It's the misfits or nobody it seems.
Click to expand...

Maybe you don't have enough activity in your life, you only get to know people when you really do a lot of different things in life. That's called abundance. When you have a lot of people to choose from to befriend.

Are you the guy who sits at home all day or the guy who will go camping, go shopping, hang out, go to listen toa local music band, do crazy stuff?

you need to understand that only you can change your situation - by changing yourself. If you do what you always have done you will get the results you always have gotten.

time to change buddy.

w800 · Feb 20, 2017

SlapTheFap said: ↑

I sometimes wonder if our loneliness could be attributed to being attracted to the wrong types of people that can never bring true fulfillment.

I can count on one hand (minus a few fingers) those whom I think are my friends... Male, female or otherwise. My childhood was spent with the leftovers, the ones that nobody else wanted to befriend. Not sure why I was attracted to them. Maybe it was just easier than experiencing the continual rejection (apparently, I just can't "grow some" - rejection has always wounded me greatly). My best friend in high school had schizophrenia. The girl I took to the prom had CP (if it wasn't for us going together, neither of us would have went). My marriage was a disaster because my wife was damaged in so many ways, but I thought I could "help" her. And then muddling my way through one unhealthy church and job situation on top of another. These things are like a magnet. I'm attacted to them, even though I really don't want to be.

It's not that i wasnt attracted to other girls or guys that I would have wanted to be friends with, but I always found myself on the outside of those social circles and never able to break through the invisible bubble that surrounded them. How long should one bang their head against the proverbial brick wall? It was like I was repelled from these settings.

And after being stabbed in the back so often by so-called "friends", I just don't feel like I should even bother trusting others again. It's taken a lot of courage to post on here, and I fear I will regret it. Loneliness has just become a way of life. It's the misfits or nobody it seems.
Click to expand...

Bro i did exactly this in my school time, i dished really nice people to hang out with a social outcast because i thought: "hey, no one is hanging with him so i might help him to not being alone". This cost me some nice healthy and actually useful friendships..this guy never wanted to go out and since the day we graduate he never ever called me again and i considered him one of my best friends (i graduate 12 years ago).

What is to be learned about all this is damaged people are outcast for a reason and unless you are a psychologist and you are doing therapy on them, don't risk your own emotions trying to fix people...the tendency is that this people will drag you down the pit hole and for some twisted and damage common sense in their heads they are going to abandon you the minute they feel they brought you to their level.

Make an effort and this time try to find people who can actually give you something good in return, people who can make you grow and learn new positive stuff.

m_brando · Feb 24, 2017

A lot of the people we're attracted to stem from what our family relationships were like, how our parents treated one another or made us feel about ourselves, or even inherited mental issues.

The more dopamine stores you have- nofap, reducing technology and increasing meditation in your life to improve attention, trying new hobbies, interests, honing skills, practicing self-care, eating right, feeding your brain, seeking positive experiences with likeminded people- the better the people you will attract because you will feel better.

The less you need, the more you will have- and Eastern philosophies say we learn to find the most strength and self awareness in the depths of aloneness- which is not lonlieness.

Took a looong time for me to stop just accepting any takers as friends. You'll be vulnerable to betrayers and users until you cultivate that strong center!

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