Atheist Fapstronaut. Battling porn addiction

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by TTStop, Nov 29, 2018.

  1. TTStop

    TTStop New Fapstronaut

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    I don't beleive in God so I don't beleive that masturbation is wrong. My issues is that in my youth I was mastubating to my imagination. In my mid 20s I started watching porn with an ex. This started to spiral out of control.

    The positives

    It's made me feel more in charge of my sexual interactions and more open sexually.

    The negatives

    I despise this industry. The women in porn are barely women at all. Even with mainstream porn sites there is a worrying interest in teens. I do not want to fund such an exploitative industry.

    It's so objectifying and detached from emotion that I completely seperate sex from emotion now. It's become a fetishistic and mechanical act.

    I can't orgasm without thinking about porn or watching it. I want to immerse myself in the experience with the person I'm with and I want my imagination back.

    The Stuggle

    Watching porn feels compulsive. I'm using it to manage emotional issues and I want to find better ways, but I'm a poor self soother. It's consuming all my time now, I don't do anything else, I want my life back. After a short period I can't achieve orgasm at all, I know I'm going to have to reboot, but I find that frustrating.

    I'd love yo know if anyone else is having these kinds of issues? Seems quite religious on here.
     
  2. AmyggDalla

    AmyggDalla Fapstronaut

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    Antoher atheist here!
    I decided to refrain temporarily from masturbation. It might make getting rid of compulsive behavior little bit easier. I'm unable to masturbate without thinking all about all degrading shit I have seen. That kind of masturbation is not healthy (it uses same neural paths as PMO)

    People in here might seem a bit "anti masturbation", but that is just something we have to do, so that in some day we have even chance of healthy life.
    Religious thinking condemns behavior that we try to get rid of. For some people, it may make this little bit easier.
     
  3. Newgirl

    Newgirl Fapstronaut

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    Welcome!
    Good to see you here ready to rid yourself of this addiction. Stay strong, stay focused :)
     
  4. Difficult 2 Stop

    Difficult 2 Stop Fapstronaut

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    Agree with you. My reasons are that I believe PMO gave me chronic pelvic pain and sexual misfunction. That is the reason I need to reboot, moral considerations aside. Hope you succeed.
     
  5. sagia

    sagia Fapstronaut

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    In my experience, reading the word of God daily has transformed me for the good on my way towards recovery from addiction. Even though you do not believe in God, I suggest you begin reading the Bible as a self-improvement book and see how it makes you the best version of yourself.
     
  6. Prov2416

    Prov2416 Fapstronaut

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    @TTStop

    Thanks for sharing. I myself am a Christian, but wanted to encourage you in your journey. We can all agree to the destructive nature of PMO without the need to compare worldviews.

    I would make the arguement as to why I would recommend against masturbation is because it is a substitute for the physicality of being with someone else.

    While some would say you are "discovering what you like" you are also training your body to respond to certain mental and physical stimuli.

    As a married man of 9 years, I have discovered the feelings and sensations you create yourself are next to impossible for your partner to replicate. There are times I have had PIED, because I had M'd multiple times in the day.

    Also we often use M as a coping mechanism and when you are in a relationship your partner cannot be used like that. You both have wants and needs that need to be mutually fulfilled.... and this means you cant have O's on tap like you can when you M :)

    It has taken me years to re-learn and redefine what GOOD sex is. It is about connection and intimacy between people. The more you use M it takes you further into your self.

    Again, I am not sure if you are in a relationship but I just wanted to share what I have experienced.

    I wish you success and hope this encourages you.
     
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  7. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    The posting rules here are quite clear on this:
    so you are in the right place! Two thoughts
    1. Although (like me) you are an atheist you might find Christian women here who are engaged in a very similar fight to yours and may have lots to share (e.g. @Saskia Simone & @Castielle)
    2. I agree with you that masturbation is a good thing, but I found it kept dragging me back to porn. I would recommend giving up porn and masturbation for 90 or 180 days as a way to kick-start your new porn free life. It sounds like it would make resisting porn harder if we stop masturbating, but for me it made it easier.
     
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  8. Max Dudent

    Max Dudent Fapstronaut

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    Do not be afraid of not having an orgasm. As a person who is used to chase after porn, I realized I was chasing after the orgasm. If you did not have an orgasm for x number of days, it would not be the end of the world. I think getting the habit you do not like is the more important thing. So, keep having an orgasm to the side, and leave porn (for all the reasons you mentioned). The orgasm will come later, even if it does not, it is ok. I suspect that it will come to you at some point in the future, if you give up porn and stay consistent with it.
     
  9. TTStop

    TTStop New Fapstronaut

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    It is true and I am not knocking Christian women and what support they have to offer. Just that some of what they beleive and what motivates them is not compatible with my own view, so am looking to come at it from another perspective. I am struggling very much with this at the moment and have failed numerous times already, and I appreciate all of you in your support ans understand how difficult the battle is.

    I have decided to go into therapy for emotional difficulties and hope that this will help in the long run. This is creating a serious cycle of distress for me, I despise that I don't know who I am hurting by looking at those images and at myself for becoming more disconnected from people as people. It's driving me bonkers.

    My sexual partner creates a much more positive sexual experience than what I can for myself. And none of it has anything to do with the odd shit that I end up watching. I am so sick of this having such a strong hold over me. I want to be free of it.

    Thank you all, it is nice to speak with women who face similar difficulties and I appreciate all of what you have to say

    X
     
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  10. topjobm8two

    topjobm8two Fapstronaut

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    Hey, just popping in to day hi and wish you lots of strength.

    I agree, m can easily lead back to p. That's been my experience anyway, to do with the neural pathways

    Looking g at core issue behind the addiction is awesome! Keep it up.
     
  11. Prov2416

    Prov2416 Fapstronaut

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    @TTStop

    My wife is a therapist, and I applaud you for being willing to go. Sounds like you need a safe place to air out your feelings and to set some targets and goals for yourself.

    That is awesome. As for PMO.....dealing with that is just a part of your overall recovery. We would all be wise to continue to grow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually (whatever your worldview is).

    We are here for girl. Keep your head up and go after it.
     
  12. Lilithsgarden

    Lilithsgarden Fapstronaut

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    Hello fellow atheist here! Nice to meet another. I’m starting my reboot today. I have never been able to orgasm with sex only with porn and masturbation. I have tried to reboot before. I went one month and I was finally able to masterbuate without porn. I’m hoping this time around I can go longer and completely quit so I can actually have a real sex life. We’re in this together!
     
  13. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    I am a Christian, so let's just get that out of the way up front. I have never once tried to convince anyone, evangelistically trying to convince another person to become one. If you want it, it's here. If you don't, then ignore it. But there are a few things I want you to consider as an Atheist, and this in no way should be construed as a religious bible beating from the pulpit moment:
    • This one is just an attempt to understand. You have stressed moral objection to the exploitation of women in the pornography industry. Where does this moral objection come from? This is a curiosity more than anything else.
    • Please do not summarily dismiss the teachings in the Christian Bible, the Muslim Quran, the Hebrew Tanakh, the Hindu Shruti, et al. Regardless of your faith, or the lack thereof, there are always things to learn from each and every one of them.
    • Of all of the people in the world that have little cause to dictate morality, it is those of us in here (followed so ever closely behind those who try to legislate morality in congress).
    Now what is the point of all of this? Every single 12-Step Program embraces at some level, that control of our addictive behavior is outside of the realm of our own ability to control it. It speaks of "...Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity..." as the second step, "...Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we undertood Him..." as the third step, "...Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs..." as the fifth step, "...Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character..." as the sixth step, "...Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings..." as the seventh step, "...Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out..."

    And every single 12-Step Program explicitly stipulates "...God as we understood God..." The point is that for anyone in any 12-Step Program, "God" is what you define it to be for yourself. Often, this is spoken of as "our higher power". I know some who define it as "the Universe". I can't speak for you, but as an Atheist, I would assume that would be defined as "yourself" perhaps? The point is, you're not in control. Otherwise, you'd just say "I'm done with this", and you'd be done with it.

    Here is what I want you to take away from what I've said here. DO NOT summarily dismiss the advice of a Christian, a Muslim, A Hindu, or a Jewish person just because they have a religion they utilize to support their faith. Any one of them that utilizes their faith to morally judge you is not utilizing it in its intended purpose. They are abusing it. Make sense? And perhaps there is a book, a scripture of sorts, to follow on Atheism. I'm just unaware of one.

    Yes, there are some people on here that embellish their religious role in here. You have stated you are an Atheist, and that's all that needs to be said about it. It shouldn't make any difference to your recovery. When you say "...Seems quite religious in here...", you could also say "...Seems quite Atheist here..." And I'm sure there are more religious people than Atheists by default because there are so many more religions compared to one (I believe) Atheism. So, I can see where that view comes from.

    Masturbation is wrong, but not for religious reasons. It's wrong because of the damage it does to your brain. Now, there will be people in here that argue the point, but you know yourself why you need to stop. And you're right regardless of what anyone in here says to the contrary.
    So to coin a phrase my late father used to say, "you have to sift the fly shit out of the pepper". Filter out the religious dogma that you don't believe int, and accept the valued input they provide. If their argument is on religious grounds, and religious grounds alone, it isn't an argument for someone who doesn't believe it now is it? The perspective I believe that you need to see is that it is harmful to your brain, the dysfunctional neural pathways that you have managed to etch into your brain, and what steps are necessary to back out of it, or heal it as it were. You know how you said "...have failed numerous times already..."? Have you also heard the definition of "insanity"? "Repeating the same thing over and over again expecting a different result"? Whatever you've been doing up until now obviously hasn't(isn't) worked(working). So this is where we look at a different path to get there.

    First, take it one day at a time. Wake up in the morning, look into the mirror, and say to yourself "just for today, I want to remain clean from PMO". That's it. And after today, wake up tomorrow, and do the same. And the next day, do the same and so forth and so on. I can expand on this and give you much more detail, but I have repeated this method so often, I should write a paper on it. It is a method that works.

    Additionally, the 12-Step program I mentioned above? Yeah, go check it out. SA, SAA, etc. are both great for anyone who suffers from this addiction. You can even attend an AA, NA, etc. meeting, and get the same thing out of it only theirs are targeted more for Alcohol and Narcotics as opposed to Sex related addictions. You'd get so much more out of these programs than you may think. At least give it some consideration.

    I would also encourage you to go get this book:
    "Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction" by Dr. Patrick Carnes
    https://www.amazon.com/Out-Shadows-...-1&keywords=out+of+the+shadows+patrick+carnes'

    Keep a journal. A lot of women keep journals here. It is a good way to document your progress. Nothing too committed. Just write an entry every day...three to four lines and be done with it. You'll look back and be able to see where you've been and how far you've come. Remember, "progress; not perfection"..

    @FlyingPizza has a great breakdown on Structuring your Time in her Journal. Please go check it out. I love her Schedules she publishes because essentially she managed to structure every waking hour of the day. Unstructured time, alone time, is when we have the most activity in our brain to "act out".

    I want to reiterate, this IS NOT any attempt to recruit you into any religion. It is to encourage you to accept the things within them that bring value to you, and ignore those that don't. I hope all of my rambling has made sense to you.

    Best of luck.
     
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