Aroused for the idea of being the bottom in Gay P

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by apostolov, Mar 14, 2019.

  1. apostolov

    apostolov Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys I'm 24M and for my entire life I've lived with the idea that I am a straight dude. I've been in a very loving relationship with my gf for 3 and a half years now and I have been into PMO for a very long time now. First time I started i was 8 y/o. Since I was 18 or so I watched gay porn for the first time. For the first few years it didn't really bother me. I've never found dudes attractive and even though I've always been able to tell that a man could look good I have never had sexual thoughts with or about a man. 7 months ago I watched gay p and in it the top dude was obviously way more masculine and dominant than the bottom man and here my problems begin. In that moment I felt like for the first time I did not identify with the one doing the fucking but with the person being fucked the biggest problem is the arousal that it brings me. I always used to think that I was a bit weird. In highschool when the other boys would be going crazy for chicks I never really clicked on that. I did have some crushes but never really pursued any girls or even had a gf until my 20s. And at this point I am struggling with trying to figure out what is real or not. I am on a 7 day streak now of no PM but my anxiety is still there. I do believe that i have some form of OCD since it often happens to me to be obsessed with an idea that I may be sick and that goes on for months on end but I do not know if I have HOCD or am I a closeted bisexual cause I know I am not gay. I cannot understand if P has warped my view on reality or if I'm lying to myself.
     
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  2. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

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    It's too early to say if you're bisexual because you mind is warped from using porn. Its like a warped record, the song's are all @#[email protected] up and you're asking yourself "does that sound good to you? It sounds weird to me but am I supposed to like this?". You need to detox and get your mind clean before making any distinctions.

    Start now on the long journey which will take you to many places. If you don't give up no matter what you'll reach a time when all your questions will be answered.
     
  3. apostolov

    apostolov Fapstronaut

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    well said my friend. thank you
     
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  4. Habbapop

    Habbapop Fapstronaut

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    I have been there ! Have had sex with guys, and look @ ALOT of gay / shemale porn. And I allways wanna be bottom, beeing that used one who just take take take and let the other one enjoy.

    Well, Im not Bi, figured that out when i had mt longest streak on almost 90 days and atended 12 step meetings.

    Give it time without porn and MB and the awnser will come
     
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  5. davidx

    davidx Fapstronaut

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    Here is an edited quote from me that I posted in another thread. Look at this a little more logically..

    “So I have been around for many years with a 37 year PMO addiction- the new argument is basically - it’s OK - just accept that you’re gay..

    Well I can tell you honestly my first sexual experiences when I was a teenager were with mostly boys but I am not gay. Over the years Of viewing porn and my PMO addiction I have M to Gay , Bi, shemale and all kinds of other porn mostly relating to female Porn but I have had my experiences with these genres....

    When you associate a particular genre or gender to orgasm. It sticks with you. O is very powerful and the dopamine hit with PMO is very powerful- these images don’t just disappear from our minds. So it’s easy for them to pop back into our brains the same way any other memories would. But they can trigger some sexual excitement because A. They are sexual in nature obviously B. We have associated O with this type of thing and C. The dopamine and other hormonal and chemical responses can be associated to those thoughts / memories. ... D. and some other factors I won’t bore anyone with right now.

    Keep in mind this activity has a powerful ability to associate arousal through thoughts and memories/fantasies with the PMO experiences in spite of any other relationships or real sexual activity we may be in or are having.

    (You have associated O with gay Porn your brain associates that with ariusal and pleasure.)

    It doesn’t make you gay any more than craving a vegetable when you are hungry makes you a vegan.

    You have put this shit in your head and you have these experiences as part of your overall sexuality - it is part of your experience and life. But it doesn’t make you gay. This idea of if you are having “gay” thoughts so you must be gay is not completely accurate- you have associated a specific sexual genre to orgasm and have had sexual experiences through PMO that have turned on that switch.

    So in my opinion what you should actually accept is the responsibility of your mind and the things you let influence it. Accept the fact that you may have these thoughts but you don’t have to wrestle with them. See them for what they are. Sexual images and PMO experiences you opened yourself up to and your mind associated the sexual rush and arousal then release of O with these things ... so it’s just an understandable response for you to feel this way and have these tboughts or fantasies, etc.

    If you have no real romantic attraction to men then that is ultimately a big part of your answer. IMO

    Good luck.”

    I believe being gay is as much a choice as anything else in life. Yes some people may be more likely to walk that path but I am speaking from some personal experience. As stated previously my first sexual experiences when I was a teen were with boys more than girls. I have never considered myself gay or Bi and after those experiences as I got older I really wanted girls sexually and males had no appeal to me... the thought of actually doing anything sexual with a man has no appeal to me at all. I have used those forms of porn to masturbate but that is more escalation (of addiction) and the next rush, dopamine fix etc.

    Anyway- just some thoughts. Just accept the fact that you have opened up yourself sexually to this genre and it WILL impact your thinking. If you don’t want to be gay then don’t be ... don’t obsess about it just take responsibility for your mind. Just my opinion but I assure you I’m speaking from very real experience.

    Again good luck!
     
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  6. Zorglub

    Zorglub Fapstronaut

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    Hi! I was your age and in a relationship with a woman when I started cruising for gay sex just to get a blow job .At 30 I french kissed myfirst man, at 43 I made love with a Man for the first Time, all that being married with kids . I'm now 48 and realised being bisexual is really not the problem there .the problem is cheating, with men, porn, webcam, it is still cheating. I realised I took my relashionship with my wife for granted .Anyway, you're maybe bisexual, that is not a problem in itself but pmo is. My advice, be open about it . When you start to lie, the more you wait, the less you can come out .
     
  7. What!!!??? Being gay is a choice!!?? total SHIT!
     
  8. davidx

    davidx Fapstronaut

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    That’s my opinion, it’s OK if you think it’s total shit.

    Just my experience, I made choices when I was younger and that is my experience, so for me the choice was to change course. The idea of actually having sexual activity with a man does nothing for me but when I was younger that was not the case. I guess if anything I may have been considered Bi however it was a series of choices and circumstances that made me realize that my choices do matter and they do impact my life and my sexuality and tastes, etc. the same way Porn can impact these things. Nothing wrong with my experience and you telling me that my own personal experience is total shit is OK with me someone with an experience is never at the mercy of someone with an argument.

    I do respect those who are gay don’t blame them, hate them as people, etc. I have taken a lot of responsibility for many choices and mistakes over my lifetime and this PMO addiction I am finally owning up to is the biggest struggle for me because I actually want to quit forever.

    You can have the view that my opinion is total shit but I am willing to share my own very real experiences and vulnerabilities on this forum in an honest respectful fashion. I know there are plenty of things that people may disagree with me on - that’s part of life... I am just sharing my thoughts to encourage someone to look at this from a different perspective. Maybe not for some people it is that cut and dry but for me it was.

    My real hope is for anyone to realize they have choices in their struggles and addictions- and that they can find hope. I have been extremely encouraged and challenged by this forum.

    Thanks,
     
  9. Zorglub

    Zorglub Fapstronaut

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    To some extent, yes. If you are potentially bisexual, you can chose to be faithful to a woman and therefore chose a heterosexual life (which is different than choosing to be heterosexual, I agree).
     
  10. If you are not from them..then just don't throw your opinion as an outsider..... It almost a curse to most of the people...and you are saying its a choice!?? I didn't expected there would be such people with this mentality in thus forum...though you have all the rights to say whatever you want....I have nothing to say.
     
  11. Zorglub

    Zorglub Fapstronaut

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    I don't think you read me correctly. I speak as a bisexual man living a heterosexual life. I'm sorry if I did hurt you.
     
  12. As a bisexual.. I'm not only talking about myself only...there are so many people in such places.. Like my lesbo besti..who have to remain single for her entire life just because of social exceptence and future life security.. She can't never be out of colset..who has to go through suicidal thoughts, emotional breakdowns literally everyday...so please don't throw such shitty opinion in such sensitive case..which you never been though... And..its also not easy for bi people as well..if you love a person of same gender..how could you marry to a opposite gender person..just to have a normal social life,sex and children..? Its about love not about marriage and sex just to have a stiriotipical family.. In which you can never envolve emotionally....
     
  13. Zorglub

    Zorglub Fapstronaut

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    The idea is you love one person and try to remain faithful to this person whether it's a man or a woman. So if you are bi (like me) and you remain faithful to your spouse, you have to renounce either to your heterosexuality or to your homosexuality. In my particular case, It has been very tough, I have been unfaithful, even if it took me years to admit it, and it is one of the reasons I am a Fapstronaut now. I'm happy to discuss and exchange ideas with you, but I am really not here to be judged, so, please, I really don't need your anger right now.
     
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  14. I won't discuss it further... Atleast in this thread.
     
  15. 19m

    19m Fapstronaut

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    i’m the same way but want to be the top to only crossdresser / transgender but not attracted to them irl or anything :( and i can’t stop watching porn i need help :( am i bi? or straight
     
  16. Habbapop

    Habbapop Fapstronaut

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    Hop on the 90 days challange bro ! :)
     
  17. 19m

    19m Fapstronaut

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    i tried and went 29 days then masturbated 4 days 3 of them we’re to normal pmo then it went to crossdressr pmo i just can’t take it anymore :(
     
  18. That thought seems reasonable to me.
     
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