Arise! Awake! And Stop Not till the Goal is Reached!!!

Hello brothers. This is my first post here. Sorry, this is going to be a long post. I am a 25 year old Indian virgin guy, who have serious Social Anxiety Dissorder and many other issues living with my single mom. I am n avid porn addict! And I have many sexual fetishes like cuckold fetish, crossdressing fetish, bdsm fetish, feet fetish, femdom, incest, and many more! Porn ruined my life from inside out!

In my good old days back in school before I discovered masturbation I was described as an amazing writer and actor by my friends. I started masturbation at the age of 13 and since then I have been a regular fapper.

My highest streak ever is 18 days which I took in my 20th year when I fell in love with a girl. She was my crush. I could have easily wooed her if I maintained in the streak and worked on myself a little bit. That streak would have changed my life altogether! But alas! On my 18th day I allowed myself to have the deepest fall in my life by jerking off multiple times a day from then on. I added the habbit of smoking pot along with regular fapping. Bunked a lot of classes. And finally I was debarred from the College for not having enough attendance.My friends isolated me for the irritating, pessimistic and cynic asshole I was. She got engaged to an other guy then and 2 years back they got married and lives happily now.

Without even completing 1 year I got dropped out from the college. And then joined many courses, all to drop in half way. Tried many business ventures with my friends which never took off. It was competely my fault. Its at those periods, I realized how much of a pleasure seeker I am... I was a fool for pleasure... Was ready to give up anything for pleasure, even my whole life. At the times which I should be working my ass off to launch my business successfully, I actively lied to my partner-friends and locked myself up in my room, jerked off countless times watching kinkiest porns and slept in utter tiredness.

Taking into account my amazing writing and acting skills, some of my friends who share my passion for Cinema joined with me to launch our career together in Indian Film Industry back in 2014. There also I cheated myself and my friends by desperately making love with pornography and fapping away my dear time, energy and life. Soon my friends indentified me as unproductive and good for nothing and they gave up all hope in me. I was least concerned with that.

On 2016, my mother threw me out in the streets for not earning a single penny even after reaching the age of 23. She was mad at me for not doing anything at all.

Having nowhere to go, I thought I will starve. But somehow with the help of my friends I secured a job as an image executive plus content writer in a PR company and a room to stay. I got a newfound freedom and I was enjoying it! I didnt had a smartphone then and had no regular access to porn. But still I managed to masturbate multiple times in the night thinking of all wierdest porn scenes I had seen for relieving the work stress. Maximum length of my streaks then were 3-4 days and even then I noticed an improved performance in my job in those periods. After 6 months, I was fired for too unproductive in the job. Many days I took leave to stay in my room just to jerk off furiously. I was fired for taking too many leaves and finally I resigned the job without even finding an other job.

At that time I reunited with my Mom and promised her that I would find some work and go to it regularly. I moved to her house again. I decided to take Yoga as a career and took training to become an internationally certified Yoga teacher. I completed the course but this profession demands a certain kind of discipline. Which means the teacher have to practice Yoga everyday, it should be part of his daily timetable. Me being an insane porn addict and jerk, gave entire priority to erotic pleasure than yogic pleasure. As a result, even after 6 months after completing the course I had not earned a single penny with my Yoga TTC certifcate. My mom lost hope in me. My friends lost hope in me. Everybody who knows me had lost hope in me.

But I had not yet lost hope in me. Even though I had relapsed countless times after discovering Nofap, I had not yet lost hope in me.

After discovering nofap my highest streak was that of 8 days and I had achieved that mark only 3-4 times. But now, here I decide to change my life for myself and the world. I am going to break my all time records.

Four things I had decided.

*I am never going to touch my dick again. If anything will touch my dick ever, that will only be a vagina.

*I dont want to watch other people having sex. I want to involved in the actual act of sex like a real man.

*I am never going to seek pleasure from non living objects(video, pictures, stories etc). Rather I am going to seek pleasure from real alive women made of flesh, blood and bones.

*I am adding Yoga and Meditation as a daily habbit to my nofap endless streak.

I will be upadating my daily journal from today onwards.

I am a huge fan of Batman so I believe that "Our glory is not in never falling, but in rising everytime we fall."

Deshi Basara!!!

Day 1...

 

Thanks brother for the Kind and Inspiring Words! Day 1 completed successfully!

 

Thank you brothers. Had strong urges today. Stayed strong and broke through the urges by consciously deciding not to touch myself and watch porn. And I am very proud of myself that I had sticked on to that decision even when my urges took the form of a hurricane!
Day 2 Completed Successfully!

 

Exactly bro!! The temptations are stronger. Its tough to beat them. But the more you beat them, the more strong gou grows. More confidence and strength is unlocked each time when one faces the temptations braveheartedly and not respond to it. Mind can be very cunning. If you are not responding to certain kind of temptation Mind will change its defence tactics and the temptation will hit you in a different form altogether, say, in the form of an anxiety, frustration or stress. And like a good friend Mind will suggest you that fapping is the only medicine to battle all these. lol ...
Just smile at the power of the Mind which is working as your enemy right now and imagine how much powerful you will be when you had made him your friend. And then go on with your daily activities.

 

Thanks dude for bothering to give a piece of your mind! And congrats for your 4 month+ streak!!! Will check out the threads and the video

 

Completed 3rd day successfully. Urges had low power than yesterday. Seems like my awareness is expanding more and more everday to accomodate the urge comfortably in its spaciousness. I hope one day my awarness will be infintely vast that urge will be a small, tiny, happening that wont even consume the 1% of my total attention.

 

Thank you brother! Another sucessful day in the streak. Day 4 accomplished!

Getting used to the urges. Is able to feel the pull of the urge and observe it clinically. I am able to see it distantly and no more identified with it. I believe that its only because I have been meditating for a while.

I had decided to add yoga and meditation as a daily routine to my nofap streak. Yesterday and Today I had done it successfully in the morning. I look forward to do it regularly every morning.