Aren't you afraid she'll cheat?

I asked my SO and he said he knew I'd leave first.
But, to his credit, I opened this thread and posted with him here this morning.

 

This is all so new to me and my feelings are constantly changing. I love my husband. We have a wonderful life. But this revelation and the betrayal has shaken everything more than I could ever imagine and I am totally messed up right now.

 

@Sadgirl
Love is not a magical glue.

4 things make a relationship work:
-integrity
-communication
-honesty
-trust

Then you have love and sex.
But without the first 4, you can't find the other two worth it.
Just my opinion.

 

I have self respect. I am just in crisis mode and questioning everything about my reality right now. My husband is a wonderful man-if there were any issues other than this evil addiction I would be gone. But he is a truly wonderful person.

 

@Jolie what is your story? What brought you to this forum?

 

I wasn't directing this comment at you, personally.
I see a lot of women do this.
My SO is a great guy also.
I just know where I stand.
I've been a victim too long and I was never going to be there again.
Also my journal is "A New Hope"
In Partners Support

 

@Bel you hit the nail on the head. When I first found out about his PA I called my husband "pathetic" because it was so not sexy.

 

I'm a rape survivor and a abuse survivor (mentally, physically, emotionally and otherwise)
I am a mom of 5 kids, 3 disabled.
I am blunt, always speaking my mind.
I don't take any shit and I love life.
I love my SO, but that doesn't mean I would let him drive our family into the ground.
I always say what I think, even if if I think you don't want to hear it.
That's just who I am.
Radical honesty I believe is the best policy.
I believe that's care.
And I care about alot.

 

Your feeling are absolutely normal.
Try to cool down and relax, think of yourself: you are young attractive woman blessed with two kids. Hoa, double happiness! You are not any less than you were all of that years. No matter what anyone might think or even tell you.
Try to enjoy life in little details. When it was painful for me I started to push myself to notice beauty of the nature and every day life: growing flowers, feeling and breathing little salty wind smell from the sea, I started to paint, tryed get closer with my son (his advice a week ago: mommy relax and enjoy the life. And he is just 8!). Also I tryed to enjoy something I love: was investing time into something I love, like foreign languages - English, French, Japanese, into my work: upgraded my skills in Google Analytics and so on. Just know you are not alone, world is much bigger and has a lot of love.

 

@Shockedbuddy I dye my hair.
Go get your nails done, or whatever you want.
Go find your own peace.
Trust me, it helps to spoil YOU just a little bit.
And do it for yourself not because anyone else would think anything else about it.

 

Ahahaha, I dye my hair or cut it not the way I used to - hell, changes on the way! They say if woman does something to her hair she is seeking for the change in her life

 

@Shockedbuddy Thank you for the lovely words. I realized that I have lost so much of myself in being a wife and mother. I am going to find that girl again.

 

I can't like this enough!!!!

 

Thanks @TooMuchTooSoon
I've always said this.
It goes with my 4 things break a relationship
- lying
- denying
- cheating
- stealing

Because if one of these things is happening (& empathy can be stolen from the relationship, etc)
You are crumbling and need to tend to your "house"
Or move out if nobody is protecting it.

 

These comments reminded me of something I heard in an SAA meeting once.

When you think of all the stereotypical male heroes: James Bond, Jason Bourne, Bruce Wayne, etc. ... do you ever envision them jerking off to porn for a couple hours straight? Hell no, because those guys are f***ing badasses and they don't do that.

Conversely, when I think of the times I have seen a character in a film who's watching porn and masturbating, it always makes them out to be pathetic. I think of Josh Gad's character in Thanks For Sharing (great movie about sex addiction, btw), or Hank Moody's agent, Charlie Runkel in the show Californication. Both of those characters were pathetic men, and 2x as pathetic when they would lose themselves in a computer screen.

This was such an important thing for me to realize. I had to learn to be a fly on the wall and look at my behavior from another perspective. Staring at a computer screen for hours--practically without blinking--and with my hand in my pants? Is that really what I've been doing? Who the f*** lives like that? Certainly not the man I'm trying to become.

 

Watch Men Women and Children.
Especially if you are planning on kids