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Are people just gifted?.

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Deleted Account, Mar 23, 2019.

  1. Hey guys. Just posting a thread for the day, but I'm curious. How do you be the guy that is always sending out vibes to woman and easily getting that girl? I remember back in the day there were a few of my classmates like that.. They would always be having sex with a number of girls, like a player?

    I remember being at a party a log time ago and it was a little bit of a drinking party. There were two cute sister's there, one had a opened relationship which I didn't understand at all, the other had a boyfriend I guess. I got into an accident unfortunately at the party before I picked him up. So I was already feeling down. He was fighting with his parents about something I remember that night about an accident I guess and he still got the girl. They almost went up to my friends (her) room to have sex before she stopped them. But guys it just boggles my mind..

    I don't know if its all about good looks or just about charisma and being an extrovert to some extent. What do you guys think?
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  2. Although it's common for guys to ask questions like this in the modern age, I don't think it's supposed to be normal. Male testosterone levels have dramatically decreased in more recent years. Interacting with women becomes much easier with higher test levels. High test improves mood, confidence, makes it easier for you to build muscle, and makes you look more attractive. Porn and masturbation addiction, among other things, are lowering test levels in males. I would make your main priority to raise your test levels and interacting with women becomes much easier and more natural. Despite the fact that I'm still relatively new to NoFap and that I've relapsed countless times, I have noticed a difference with women. Looks are something, but not everything. Confidence trumps all. Women would generally prefer ugly confident guys to good looking insecure ones.
     
  3. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Do you think that these "gifted" people don't get rejected or experience painful outcomes?

    When most people ask "how do you become that guy?" They're really asking "how do I become someone that doesn't experience rejection?".

    Because of that fear, you don't allow yourself mistakes, rejection, or failure. You don't allow yourself to do something that might not work. You don't express yourself or go for what you want as much. You don't try things outside your comfort zone / competency / confidence level. That perfectionism and procrastination of waiting for guarantees before taking any action is what hinders your progress of becoming "that guy".

    It's not your looks, materialism, current skills, your weight lifting capabilities, the number of nofap days on your counter, or even your lack of experience. Your problem is that you don't allow yourself to improve and learn from mistakes because your ego is too fragile to allow itself to experience the necessary failures to attain the competency and confidence to become "that guy".

    Even when you become that person, you will still experience pain, problems, rejection, failures, mistakes, and negative experiences. The more risks you take, the more you'll fail, but also the more you'll succeed. The less risks you take, the less you'll fail, but also the less you'll succeed. The difference between you and "that guy" is a level of commitment and the amount of risks taken that's necessary for experience.

    So don't chalk it up to talent or superficial attributes. That's an easy way out of taking any responsibility for your situation. Don't look for a perfect method to get perfect results. The best method is doing something that might not work.
     
  4. That's not a gift.
     
  5. Thank you for you're insight. I remember in the past my friend has always been pretty confident with woman. I some how go a girl after a few parties he held actually, that I didn't mention. But I was drunk witch made it easier for me to talk to them since alcohol is a stress reducer. When I'm not drinking its more difficult for me to relax I guess. The relationship didn't last long though, only two weeks.
     
  6. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    Good advice, most of the people of this forums, including myself, need to know this.

    It depends. Being able to easily make someone trust you that fast increases your chances of finding a good partner for you. If you only do it to have sex you might get an STD.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  7. What I quoted wasnt anything to do with making someone trust you. It said being a player and having lots of sex.
     
  8. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    I see. I apologize, I am not used to the term "player".
     
  9. Yes some people are gifted, but does this have anything to do with the fact maybe.... how about you ask yourself.... What if the answer is yes. What are you going to do then ? Just sit back and accept that some people are gifted and others aren't ? No matter the answer to that question. Skip this question and go on what are you gonna do if the answer would be yes. ;)
     
    CH3RRY and Deleted Account like this.
  10. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, some guys just naturally are gifted and able to get any woman they want. But that doesn't mean that they're living a fulfilled life. (As I say to myself and try to trick myself into actually believing this is true because I'm not one of those naturally gifted guys.) lol
     
    Fixmybrain and Deleted Account like this.
  11. Ah, gotcha. Player basically means a dude who sleeps with tons of people and doesn't settle down with anyone. And in my experience, it's generally viewed as a negative thing, and often used to describe guys who don't treat women very well.
     
  12. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    It makes sense.
     
  13. letter

    letter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    @TrueSaiyan

    There exist methods that people can learn to exercise these kinds of abilities. Some are naturally able. But, like @Castielle said, I wouldn't call this a gift. If anything, it is a gift gone wrong. The ability to draw people to oneself is amazing and can be used for so many good things, but when it becomes the substance of fulfilling one's inner needs it ends up being a crutch that keeps the person weak.

    I know of people who have this thing going on in their life and they have admitted to me that they are jealous of my ability to be cool and happy and confident without anyone hanging off my arm. Like, they realized how deficient they were and how they were consequently using other people to prop themselves up and seeing me do what they could not kind of undid them.

    In turn I confessed to them that the way they could be with people was something I didn't have and that I was using the loner-mentality to similarly prop myself up according to my own unique weaknesses. My strength was his weakness, his strength was my weakness. We both walked away from the conversation knowing that we existed to help each other realize our true state and that we both could learn from each other what we needed to become more whole in ourselves.

    So it is not so much about "giftedness" but about our personal maturity and who we are becoming through our struggles. It would have been wrong for me to try to be like him, because I'd just be adorning the visage of his own struggle. Rather than try to pattern myself after someone else, I looked at where my own patterns could be adjusted to grow into my truer self.

    I'm attractive enough and know how to be charismatic enough to draw people to me, but so long as it is an expression of trying to be someone else who I admire I harm myself from being the authentic me who inspires others through my own unique manner.

    TL;DR - Be yourself
     
    AxBlaim likes this.
  14. Roffelaar

    Roffelaar Fapstronaut

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    Listen to this guys. Proper advice.
     
  15. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    It's just common sense and how reality works.

    People are so busy looking for shortcuts and magic pills. Looking for the quick fix answers to "how to get laid and seduce 50 women in 3 days". They aren't willing to actually face short term pain, develop skills, and delay gratification for the sake of long term outcomes.

    Oh it must be talent... Oh it must be looks / money / fame... Oh there must be a way to never get rejected and convince anybody to be interested in me... I just need a solid guarantee before taking any action... I just need to research more...

    There's not many people that are actually willing to work for it. The bigger the barrier the bigger the rewards. That's why most people are content with porn and less people in healthy and fulfilling relationships.
     
  16. Roffelaar

    Roffelaar Fapstronaut

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    For us it is common sense, but a lot of people have been given everything in life and never ever had to fight or struggle for something or for an achievement.

    If you never had really hard times in your life, you are not used to being uncomfortable. The second people feel pain or discomfort they quit.

    But those people will fuck themselves in life. They will never get better and will always stay the same.
     
    elevate likes this.

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