Apathy.

Sounds a bit like you are in the dark night of the soul.

Just hold on. I’ve been where you are, there is nothing wrong with how you feel. It’s just a profound grief. I just finished writing something on this, pm me if you’d like a link to read

You are okay, you just need time.

 

Just don't get stuck in your house, that makes everything worse.

 

@OutsideTime is correct. You are grieving after a series of losses. Your feelings are completely natural and normal.

Get help, if you can, but accept that you have to grieve before you can get better.

And, as @CH3RRY says, don't get stuck in your house. That won't help you to heal.

 

Well, of course, that's why you see a professional, who does care. Seeing a prostitute is paying for someone to pretend.

Wow. You are in a dark place. What a world you live in!
I suggest that you come visit our world, where people can trust each other. It's is so much nicer.

 

Yep. Dark night of the soul. The more you struggle the deeper you go, but letting go will feel like dying.

Just hold on...if you can

You are in the hands of time. If you don’t like that, throw your clocks to the floor and shut your door. Time does care what you think or how you feel, but will then carry you in its very heart regardless.

You are being changed, brutally. You will become beautiful through this. Take it from me, time is a beloved tool, though at the time of my own changing it was my tormentor. How I’ve so come to adore the wounds of my Lover, the One who holds time in His hands and me in His heart.

You are okay and will be okay. Keep writing, save all your words. They will be precious to you one day.

 

My dude, I have been tossed in psych wards and spent years trying to kill myself. I understand suffering.

It’s okay to not understand what you are going through. In the dark night of the soul, you’re not supposed to. In this experience, not being okay is part of the process...and so that is why I say to you that you are okay, even as you are not. You are like the cat inside Schrödinger’s proverbial box. You are both okay and not-okay all at the same time.

Having been inside that box myself, many times...and in things far worse...I’m telling you that I can see what you are going through and that your end result will good. You just don’t understand why or how, and it hurts, I know. It is supposed to hurt. That apathy of your heart shutting down? That is supposed to happen too.

As I said, I spent years trying to kill myself. I know this dark journey very well. From what I see of you, you’ll pull through this just fine. Your heart must be severely tested to be made stronger. Mine faced that which was unfathomably hopeless, and now I stand ready to face anything...anything. So I see you in this and I know you’ll come out stronger than before.

You must first wrestle with apathy first-hand before you learn to tools to defeat it...and in turn then have the tools to help others through their own apathy.

I cannot change that for you. You need to struggle. Remember this. You are like a butterfly in chrysalis, you gain your strength to fly by fighting for your life against the walls that seem to imprison you. You will one day burst free majestically...until then...

Struggle on, dear warrior. I bless your path ahead.

 

That’s the spirit. Never give up.

“when all seems broken,
stop and listen to your heart,
it is still beating.”

If you ever need hope to go on, just pause and listen. You hear that sound? You have hope beating within your chest, painfully, but it goes on. You just stay alive long enough and keep struggling. Eventually you will break through. Today I am so happy for all I’ve suffered, for today my suffering helped you...even just a little.

I am so looking forward to your victory. Hit me up whenever. I’ll stand and fight with you if you ever feel like you’ve lost. I may not always be here, but my spirit knows not time or space. My words here will stand for as long as you remember them, and my spirit with them. Hold them in your heart, and they will guide to you life...and then every one of my beatings will beat on through you.



My, what a wonderful life I walked into. Really am glad to help you, however I can. What is life but a gift anyhow? What is a gift but something that we give? So very glad to help you like this, because it means my own life meant something.

I hope very much that your trying to not to die harder will be worth it to you like mine was to me