Anyone here had anhedonia/loss of interest and managed to solve it?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by pantuflasdecoco, Oct 29, 2018.

  1. pantuflasdecoco

    pantuflasdecoco Fapstronaut

    I still struggle about talking to people. I don't know what to talk about. I don't know how to approach them and what to say so they don't get bored.

    I improved in the last year by watching a lot of movies, read a couple of books, and that helped me to talk about something. Before that I didn't knew anything.

    But the thing now is that I feel like instead of talking, I threw facts or I just name names or facts, sort to speak. Like I just name things and throw information, and also I try to talk about how some movie made feel or think things but it's difficult to talk to people about that so they want to talk.

    I just want to know how to approach better to people and have nicer conversations.

    I want to know also, how to be really interested in the other person.
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2018
  2. Yes. I didnt give a shit about anything or anyone in my life and everything was boring. You solve it by doing nofap, and quitting any addictive substances if you are currently consuming. With time, interest in small things returns. Nice 18 days btw
  3. pantuflasdecoco

    pantuflasdecoco Fapstronaut

    Thank you! Up to day 16 it was kind of easy but suddently came a lot of really strong urges and I'm still dealing with them

    Thing is... I want to talk to people, but it always been rare for me to be actually interested in someone or in anything. I should listen more to the other person when I don't know what to talk about.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  4. Hey man! This resonates a lot with me, since it’s something I’ve been struggling with for the past year, but I feel like over time I’ve learned a fair amount of principles and had some realisations.

    The first thing I’ve come to understand, which is well documented in here, is that over time, as you follow NoFap, you’ll naturally feel more comfortable with talking to people. This is due to the progressive return of your limbic system to its natural state — broadly speaking, the decrease in dopamine release thanks to PMO abstinence makes those regions of your brain progressively regain increased sensitivity to everyday stimuli, which is why people often report being able to enjoy “the smaller things in life”. Generally speaking, you’ll feel less anxious and more confident.

    Secondly, you have to be content with who you are. That’s a really big undertaking if it’s not the case, but being comfortable in your own skin, with your personality traits and flaws, is the most fundamental condition to enact change. If you don’t find yourself fun to talk to, why should other people?

    Thirdly, Id say there are three main principles to being ‘a good conversationalist’;

    Let the other person do most of the talking — most people love to talk about themselves and share stuff. If you have an interest in listening to what they have to say, and by that I mean a genuine interest, and are engaged in conversation (instead of replying with uh-uhs all the time, crack some jokes about something the person said, share a story you were reminded of, ask them to develop on something you’re interested in). As a rule of thumb, if you’re interested in people, the vast majority will be interested in you.

    Secondly, not every interaction has to be perfect. Personally, I overthink like crazy and hold conversations up to an impossible standard that I’ve created because of past experience, but that’s not the way to go. Give yourself some room to goof up and not say ‘the perfect thing’ all the time. Mistakes happen and we can only accept them and move forward.

    Thirdly, and I’d say this is the most important one, showcase who you are. Let your personality shine through in your conversations with people. Perhaps you have some particular mannerisms; what about your sense of humour? Witty remarks and references work really well in conversation, and if you manage to do them in a way that’s yours, even better!
    All of this is definitely easier said than done, and this is only a low-resolution sketch of this process.
    Try to build your personality — find interests, pick up hobbies to your liking, form opinions about things and don’t be afraid to say the wrong things. Live life and put yourself out there, to the extent of what you’re capable of. You’ll have stories to tell and things to talk about. You can’t go wrong with that.

    And finally, not everybody will like you. Don’t feel pressured to appease everyone and don’t freak out if this or that person wasn’t the friendliest to you. There are so many humans around, just because a few aren’t into you doesn’t mean no one is.

    That’s about as far as I can go. If any of this sounds cliché, it’s only proof that not all of them are bad.

    If you need anything else, PM me! Hope you have a good one :)
  5. pantuflasdecoco

    pantuflasdecoco Fapstronaut

    Thank you for your kind words damhan. I also overthink everything I could say and always look for 'the perfect thing to say'

    I guess I need a hobbie or to find new interests as you say because at the time I'm not really into anything, except trying to find new music & movies.

    I end up doing nothing and that's why I end up not talking at all. Now I rarely find interest in anything, that's why I used the word 'anhedonia' even though I never been diagnosed by a doctor. But I see all the symptons resonate with me. It's like I lost the ability of feeling in general. It's like being already dead.

    I guess the first step in recovery is start trying to find things I enjoy doing alone.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  6. I have a couple of questions, if that’s alright with you! :) how long have you been feeling like this, and was there any trigger to it?
    One thing I’ve realised over the last three months here is how much this process can change you. I mentioned it already, but I cannot understate how important it is that you give yourself and your brain time to rewire and heal. Not being drenched in dopamine is a hell of a way to start gaining interest in things. You’re taking some really good first steps, and I realise not everyone can just pick up a hobby, because life happens, but finding something you’re passionate about is quite good.

    I hope over time I can see you around here and hear about the improvements you’re finding mate. :)
  7. pantuflasdecoco

    pantuflasdecoco Fapstronaut

    I've been feeling like this... since always I think sometimes now. I realized that I was having this problem since the last 3 years.
    Any triggers? I don't know.. My father has always been someone who don't express his feelings at all

    I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been playing piano for 6 years now but I feel I don't really enjoy it anymore. 3 years ago I started studying Japanese and it was a big change in my life, because I found something I was really passionate about. But that gradually dissapeared in the next 2 years.

    It's so hard to talk to people and keep people close to you when you don't know how to talk to them, or what to talk about, because you feel like senseless almost.
  8. meatsandwich

    meatsandwich Fapstronaut

    I think a lot of people are boring by nature and their say "I can only express under being somekind of drink", but really their personalities are boring and they don't have any interests themselves and in the end when you try to talk about simplistic stuff they can see you as weirdo.

    The more you learn and advance, the less possible it's to take with common person, as they don't really share anything what you be interested in. A lot of people in their lifes just waste their time partying and getting wasted, though it's better not get to their level.

    The best is to find intellectual people who instead of beers drink tea as it will show that they don't have such insecurities as other people to abuse substances.
    Anonymous86 likes this.

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