Anyone else experiencing this?

Despite trying not to, I find myself thinking about his addiction, what he's going to do about it (if anything) and how it affects me, pretty much my entire waking hours in the last four weeks....

But not only that, what I find really disturbing is as soon as I wake up in the morning, like within a split second my mind is immediately thinking about his addiction and how it affects me....it's like as soon as I've woken the floodgates have opened and I'm just consumed....it's a horrible way to wake up every day.....

I'm not sleeping that well so this can happen a few times a night ....often within a split second I'm in a state of panic, feel paralysed and my heart is racing...

Is anyone else experiencing this?

 

Ok, thank you!

 

We've been trying to deal with his porn addiction for 7 years now. I felt like I was in this painful stage for about 4 years. I think this was probably due to his lack of commitment to recovery. He's all words and little action. He's not the driving force in his own recovery. I have to constantly push him and even then he doesn't do much. I thought after 4 years we were actually getting somewhere and so the pain was slowly subsiding....it turns out he's been nothing but lying to me all along....the trust I was trying to rebuild with him for the past 3 years was all based on lies....so yeah back in this painful stage again.....and the worst part is he behaves like he is just hopeless to it all...every-time I talk about what he's going to do about it, all I get from him is "I don't know what to do about it, there's nothing that gels with me". So I just feel stuck....don't know what to do.

 

Thanku hope4healing. I am really struggling with everyday functioning, it makes me feel totally distracted and unable to focus on anything. I've been pushing a lot of things to the wayside because I just can't cope. I've just downloaded that book on my kindle and will start reading it. Its good to know I'm not alone in this. It's great to be able to share my thoughts and connect with others going through the same experiences....Hugs to you too xo

 

If it's ok, I will PM you!

 

I totally understand. My husband has lied constantly. He's never in 7 years come out and told me straight up that he's still looking at porn. Every time I've discovered it's still happening is because I found it. And I agree there's a huge difference between sobriety and recovery. It's like a dry drunk. An alcoholic whose stopped drinking but never really dealt with it psychologically or did the work on themselves and are just abstaining. So unable to thrive and get on with there life and still very vulnerable to relapse. My husband certainly needs to work on Recovery. He's had me believe for years that he was sober from porn. I knew he couldn't be recovered because he did very little work on himself. But the fact of the matter is he wasn't even sober. So, that's in my new boundaries. He works his recovery and me actually seeing him do it and seeing his progress and change. Have you setup boundaries and consequences? I'm reading a book someone suggested on here too, it's quite good in dealing with Betrayal Trauma and taking care of yourself - Your Sexually Addicted Spouse - How Partners can Cope and Heal by Barbara Steffens and Marsha Means.

You definitely need to take care of yourself first, that book and setting up boundaries can help. Try and remember the 3 C's. You didn't cause it, you can't change it and you can't cure it. He has to do the work himself. Setup boundaries and consequences to protect yourself and he will have to abide by them, not because you are trying to control him but because you are protecting yourself and creating safety and security for you. This is what I'm trying to do anyway. I know its not easy and I guess time will only tell if he really cares about our relationship enough to heal it and to do what he needs to do to recover so we can move forward.....