Anyone else experience unfounded jealousy for people you have a crush on?

MasterRoshi · Sep 8, 2018

I’m on a very long journey to rewire my brain and not be held back by things from the past. With that said here’s something that happened today that I’ve had before and looking for some insight into it.

I started a job 2 weeks ago. Also, I’m married.

Out of everyone in the office there is one women who I have a small crush on. She has the cutest and nicest personality and for what ever reason she is the one I’m into.

Today we had a fundraising event, and we were standing outside (among many people). We weren’t standing near each other or anything, but I looked over at her and saw she was talking to a stranger (not apart of our event.

I knew she has boyfriend so I thought that might be him. But realized it wasn’t. I thought it might be someone I don’t know from the company so when he briefly walked away I went over to her and asked who that was. She said she didn’t know it was a stranger, but she made a joke and said it could possibly be her next boyfriend.

At that point a wave of jealousy came over me. It wasn’t at all conscious but I started to feel like I suck and he’s better than me and there’s no way she would ever like me. (Not to mention I’m married, and love my wife to death and she has a bf, so it’s not like I’m looking or anything...)

After that my confidence was lowered and I felt like I wanted to leave the event. I also felt like I didn’t want to be her friend as much and was also angry at this stranger.

I know this whole story is strange, but I’m just curious if anyone else has had these moments and if there’s any explanation for them, or if you have any insights into why this happened to me.

Jason_Tesla_19 · Sep 8, 2018

I've experienced jealousy for women I've had interest in. It's completely irrational, but I think it's based in some biological instinct to compete for an attractive woman.

Deleted Account · Sep 9, 2018

I have, two times recently. I really let my emotions get the best of me. I wrote out a long version of it all but deleted it.

I’ll just write this:

I see a lot clearer now that I simply can’t let infatuation cloud my thinking about a woman that only sees me as a casual friend. Not worth it.

MasterRoshi · Sep 9, 2018

HopeForBrightFuture said: ↑

I have, two times recently. I really let my emotions get the best of me. I wrote out a long version of it all but deleted it.

I’ll just write this:

I see a lot clearer now that I simply can’t let infatuation cloud my thinking about a woman that only sees me as a casual friend. Not worth it.
Click to expand...

Thanks

After doing some journaling I currently think it has something to do with childhood, and me feeling inadequate, and also for years my childhood best friend being very popular and getting all the girls i ever liked (and treating me like dirt). So a combination of him being a total dick to me during childhood and also me having deep rooted insecurity about myself, seems to be causing me to revert to that position as an adult.

That belief being, girls couldn’t actually like me and guys are cooler and will win. This is an underlying feeling rather than a clear thought, if that makes any sense

Deleted Account · Sep 9, 2018

I can relate to this. You conjure up this fantasy about someone in your mind. Even though you know it can never be a reality for whatever reason, it still sucks when she doesn't play along. I often have this with much younger women that I know I'll never be with.

Deleted Account · Sep 9, 2018

Righthandman76 said: ↑

I can relate to this. You conjure up this fantasy about someone in your mind. Even though you know it can never be a reality for whatever reason, it still sucks when she doesn't play along. I often have this with much younger women that I know I'll never be with.
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Yep! For me, the two recent gals were less than half my age. And yes it was my fantasy life at work.

MasterRoshi · Sep 9, 2018

Righthandman76 said: ↑

I can relate to this. You conjure up this fantasy about someone in your mind. Even though you know it can never be a reality for whatever reason, it still sucks when she doesn't play along. I often have this with much younger women that I know I'll never be with.
Click to expand...

I can also relate to this. I guess it’s just another piece of the puzzle.

Deleted Account · Sep 9, 2018

MasterRoshi said: ↑

I’m on a very long journey to rewire my brain and not be held back by things from the past. With that said here’s something that happened today that I’ve had before and looking for some insight into it.

I started a job 2 weeks ago. Also, I’m married.

Out of everyone in the office there is one women who I have a small crush on. She has the cutest and nicest personality and for what ever reason she is the one I’m into.

Today we had a fundraising event, and we were standing outside (among many people). We weren’t standing near each other or anything, but I looked over at her and saw she was talking to a stranger (not apart of our event.

I knew she has boyfriend so I thought that might be him. But realized it wasn’t. I thought it might be someone I don’t know from the company so when he briefly walked away I went over to her and asked who that was. She said she didn’t know it was a stranger, but she made a joke and said it could possibly be her next boyfriend.

At that point a wave of jealousy came over me. It wasn’t at all conscious but I started to feel like I suck and he’s better than me and there’s no way she would ever like me. (Not to mention I’m married, and love my wife to death and she has a bf, so it’s not like I’m looking or anything...)

After that my confidence was lowered and I felt like I wanted to leave the event. I also felt like I didn’t want to be her friend as much and was also angry at this stranger.

I know this whole story is strange, but I’m just curious if anyone else has had these moments and if there’s any explanation for them, or if you have any insights into why this happened to me.
Click to expand...

I totally get this man! Except not really with women so much. I get this with male friends. I'll get jealous if I think friends I'm close with start hanging out with other guys that they seem to think are more fun or cooler. It's gotten way better over the years but when I was a kid I would be very skeptical or annoyed of new people to the "group". Ironically sometimes these new comers would end up better friends with me but that didn't stop the jealousy in the moment.

TheManDude · Sep 9, 2018

Oh yeah, that happen to me recently a girl from work I like went out with guy and fuck him, just after having some drinks with me... it hurts like a bitch but I realized that she's not guilty about how I feel and we don't really have anything going so it's pretty dumb for me to feel like that so I decided to move on and well it's been a good choice so far.

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Anyone else experience unfounded jealousy for people you have a crush on?

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