Any Age Accountability Group

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by Halibut, Apr 15, 2019.

  1. Dronse72

    Dronse72 Fapstronaut

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    Checking in for the first time in too long and sadly it's to say I relapsed.

    Part of the reason I'm sure is not checking enough on here. I relapsed on Friday but have been to ashamed to come on here and truly admit what happened since. Goddamn pals, reading what I've missed this past week, nearly brings tears to my eyes. Great stuff, those who've relapsed and those who haven't, so much honesty and openness, it really is great to read. Keep it up APs.

    So I had a horrifically bad week involving long travel, further evidence the company I work for really is trash, being patronised and shot down, not enough sleep. I cracked. It ground me down into a little child again and I reached for comfort and numbness. Chaser and all.

    I immediately felt cognitively impaired, disconnected to my environment and disinterested in anything; getting up, having a shower, tidying my room, seeing my SO. And yet I'd been on fire the past 2 weeks.

    Luckily I spent the next morning reading Russell Brand's book 'recovery' and, although it's too early to tell how good it is, it got me in the right mindset. I did step 1 of the 12 steps and it substantially recovered my mindset at least.

    So here we go again. I'm determined to do this. @Halibut love the emergency list, I'm making some stricter general rules for myself this time too. @pourover24 knowing you're going through this battle while juggling 3 kids gives me hope and strength, keep at it brother.

    I'm also taking serious steps now to change my career and overhaul lots of my life that isn't aligned with who and where I want to be.

    I'm so glad to have this group and wish every one of you strength for this challenge. Let's recover who we were meant to be.

    Stay strong APs
     
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2019
    Halibut and Realquiter like this.
  2. Realquiter

    Realquiter Fapstronaut

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    Thank your for your support
     
  3. Legit1

    Legit1 Fapstronaut

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    Wow... so the benefits keep on coming but tonight at 4AM I woke up with a tough urge that wouldn't go away. A porn actress kept sticking in my mind even when I tried to swoop it away, it was strange that it just stayed. I wanted to edge, but I didn't, I don't want to edge at all since I know that will only fuel the need to relapse later on or at that moment. Took some time to go back to sleep in the end. No edging and no relapsing! Gotta keep going! 13 days isn't enough.
     
    Dronse72 likes this.
  4. Legit1

    Legit1 Fapstronaut

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    Been there. I would be at day 20 or something and I would feel like nothing has changed. I now know that it's the brain doing it's best work to deceive you to relapse. The reward center of the brain wants another dopamine hit because that's all it has been accustomed to, so it panics because 'change' is around the corner and it doesn't want to change because it's been in its comfort zone for a long time.

    Here's some quotes -

    "Withdrawals suck. We don’t talk enough about them. They are why we fail. They are our brain’s reward centre begging us, threatening us, punishing us, pleading with us, rationalizing with us why we need to use porn. Withdrawals are painful, they are physical, mental, and emotional pain."

    "There are good days and bad days, and on the bad days your brain will try to persuade you that you have made no progress and never will."
     
    Nextlevel likes this.
  5. pourover24

    pourover24 Fapstronaut

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    @TheGoldenEra: no offense taken man, thanks for the question. In short, I looked at porn prior to being married. I was able to stop for about 6 years while we were dating and then got married - and I didn't slip back into it until early in 2015 - just shy of our 5 year anniversary. Its hard to explain, but in my experience, being married doesn't magically take away the desire to look at porn.

    I look at porn very simply as a dopamine addiction. Sex is so core to our biology and continuation as a race that the brain reinforces the behavior with massive amounts of dopamine - which is what makes it so damn hard to break.

    Our sex life has ebbed and flowed throughout our marriage - being great in some seasons and not so great in others. For example, when my wife has been pregnant, those times have never been easy for our sex life. It wasn't easy either when our child would be born and be an infant, and all the extra work that came with that, sleepless nights, etc. All that to say, even when our sex life was going well, I would still sometimes relapse. Again, the reason for that - as tough as it is to say - is that porn produces a higher high than normal sex. You can read more about it at "yourbrainonporn".

    I honestly wish I could say that once I had started, I quickly realized how badly it hurt my wife, marriage, etc and just "manned up" and stopped. But I can't. The addiction has run deep as I've used it as a drug to respond to various anxieties, boredom, whatever. Its a dopamine addiction and when the triggers hit, and the pathways are activated - I've stood powerless at times to stop it. I've never stopped fighting to quit though, and learning about it, and researching ways to keep me from giving in. Its a journey. I feel now like I'm closer than ever to ridding myself of it - and hopefully this new streak I'm on will be the one that launches me away from this forever - though I'll always have to have safeguards in place - potentially as long as I live.
     
    Dronse72, Realquiter, RTBFOP and 2 others like this.
  6. Pashka

    Pashka Fapstronaut

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    No shame here. The addiction gains strength from secrecy and shame. I get more inspiration from the people who fall down, but get back in the game, than from the one who make it look easy.
     
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  7. mindseyeopen

    mindseyeopen Fapstronaut

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    Checkin’ in, and the urge to relapse is always hangin’ in front of my face. Lately, a lot of things in my life have been annoying me, and it’s easy/tempting to turn to porn to take the mind off of life’s problems. I need to stay focused, because whenever I have a good streak going I feel really good about myself. Addiction is crazy. When I’m in the throes of relapsing/using, I know that the negatives vastly outweigh the positives, but the dopamine high is soooo powerful, I just don’t care. I’d love to just get rid of my internet altogether, but that’s not an option. The only option is to stop giving in to the addiction, and say enough is enough. Stay strong y’all, and take it one day at a time. Every day without PM is a success.
     
    Pashka and Legit1 like this.
  8. RTBFOP

    RTBFOP Fapstronaut

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    @pourover24 I can relate to what you said about what PMO does to you and the higher than normal sex. I have been there. It cost me losing someone I loved and now having to raise my daughter with a Mom and Dad that are not together. And even after that I let it continue to control my life and almost cost me another relationship. The power that PMO can have over you is unbelievable. People that have not lived it don't understand. This is true with most any addiction. I have a brother that had some problems with drugs and alcohol addiction and I just couldn't understand it. I couldn't understand why he couldn't quit. Till you live it you will never really understand it. Im guessing that everyone in this group plus thousands of others on this site understand it and that is why they are here. My journey has been long and messy but here i am at 50+ days. My longest streak in over 10+ years. Keep fighting you CAN beat this.
     
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  9. Catondo\

    Catondo\ Fapstronaut

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  10. Legit1

    Legit1 Fapstronaut

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    Anybody ever had oily skin when doing NoFap? I kinda don't like it but I'll rather have somewhat oily skin than a pale and dry face like back then. Been washing my face and moisturizing every night, but the oily skin comes back within 24 hours - 36 hours. Heck... maybe it'll disappear after a while. Could just be something my body is constantly producing due to having dry skin for over 3 years.
     
  11. Halibut

    Halibut Fapstronaut

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    Its bloody hard to let you guys know that I had a relapse the other day.

    I had stressed myself out getting some tasks done and created intense urges that sunk me.

    I looked at P, M'ed but came to my senses before 'o'.

    As mentioned a month back I need you guys to hold me to my consequence: 30 days free of netflix, youtube and videogames. (It hurts to even mention this!)

    Its weird that in the moment the consequence, having to reset you days, the guilt and shame just leave your mind when you are acting out.

    My triggers were isolation, removing my barriers (becoming complacent) and stress.

    I got to a month though and I havent been able to do that since the start of the year so I am proud. And have learnt alot.

    I am going to be checking in every day for at least the first week to prevent me acting on the chaser effect.

    Keep up the fight
     
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  12. [BLANK]

    [BLANK] Fapstronaut

    Hello Halibut,

    I got interested in accountability groups, as I share the same problem as you do. And I have read the rules and would like to become an AP. So, add me to the waiting list.

    Also, I have an idea which I am not sure if someone tried it before or not. I could create another accountability group and start a friendly competition with your group. It could be motivating to all the members to set goals and see who can reach it first in a game-like way. Let me know your opinion.
    Have a good day!
     
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  13. Realquiter

    Realquiter Fapstronaut

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    Sorry to hear bout your relapse. I actually recently created a group conversation with some of the members like that are really struggling to make it to 30 days. I think as we have the same precise goal we can relate more to our present situation and motivate each other to reach 30 days. Let me know if you’re interested
     
    Halibut likes this.
  14. Realquiter

    Realquiter Fapstronaut

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    So far so good. I had some urges but I managed to keep them at bay. Being really busy with finals also helps. I feel good about myself and I’m motivated to reach 30 days. One day at a time.
     
    Pashka likes this.
  15. pourover24

    pourover24 Fapstronaut

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    @Halibut thanks for your honestly man. I know how much the feeling sucks to have to come on here to let the group know about a relapse. You truly made an incredible run. Though right now, you might feel a bit low about the relapse, I truly believe that your 30 day streak has done wonders for your fight against this, and positive changes have occurred that you can continue to build upon.

    For myself, now that I’m about a week out from ending my streak, the relapse itself feels less like a massive black eye and more like a bump I encountered during a much larger recovery arc. All that to say, keep building on what you’ve accomplished.

    Just out of curiosity, what will you fill your time with while you’re taking 30 days off of your mentioned activities? I know if it was me taking 30 days off of DFS, I would have a lot of head space to fill lol.

    Keep on brotha!
     
  16. asd423

    asd423 New Fapstronaut

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    I have read the rules and would like to become an AP
     
  17. Pashka

    Pashka Fapstronaut

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    Impressive analysis you do after a relapse: examine the scene, set consequences, review your triggers, set a plan. I am going to steal your format. Is there a support group for netflix, youtube, and videogame addicts?
     
    Halibut likes this.
  18. Pashka

    Pashka Fapstronaut

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    Amen, brother. The addiction lies. It convinces us that throwing our life away is worth a few second's worth of rush.
     
  19. freedomispossible

    freedomispossible Fapstronaut

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    messed up yesterday but forgot to post. day 1 today. in the next 2 weeks i have finals for uNiversity so hopefully this keeps me distracted from MO.
     
    Pashka likes this.
  20. Halibut

    Halibut Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man, the group convo here on nofap?
     

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