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Am I just jealous?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Becoming Jasmine, Sep 11, 2018.

  1. Becoming Jasmine

    Becoming Jasmine Fapstronaut

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    Oh yeah, and I live in a super small village in the middle of nowhere. There isn’t another person my age within a couple square miles.

    My parents drive me to school in a very small city, and drive me home at the end of the day most of the time, so I don’t have a lot of chances to hangout anywhere outside of school.
     
  2. You are 18 years old. It isn't like you're a 58 year old woman who's never had a boyfriend. At your age you shouldn't be thinking about having boyfriends. This is no big deal!


    Lol! And they'll probably be divorced a year or two later! Statistics show that the majority of people who get married under 30 get divorced.

    You're the lucky one here. Being single is much better than being in a relationship! I've been in relationships and let me tell you they suck! So glad I'm single now.
     
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  3. Becoming Jasmine

    Becoming Jasmine Fapstronaut

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    How do relationships suck?

    If you’re talking about marriages, I can get behind that. I’ve never met any married couple more than a couple years or so in who didn’t seem to unhappy with each other.

    But apart from that, why do you think they suck? I’ve never seen anyone happier than when they’re with someone they love. It’s only when they break up that I see them truly upset.

    I also find it interesting that the only time anyone says “being single is better than being in a relationship” is when someone is bummed about not being in one. No one says that to someone who’s currently dating, and no one says that to anyone who broke up with a partner.

    So please, explain to me just what’s so bad about having someone who loves you, and what’s so great about being single.
     
  4. Becoming Jasmine

    Becoming Jasmine Fapstronaut

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    Oh, and for the record, I’m with you on my friend getting married. It would fall apart. Those two have a long distance relationship, and I kinda doubt they’ll work very well in the same house.
     
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  5. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for clarifying.

    I think you're already on the right path. Keep doing what you're doing. Keep exploring. Keep trying with others.

    All you can really do is live your truth and send out invitations to others. It's up to them if they want to join you. Sometimes things work out and sometimes they don't. All you can do is keep trying.

    The thing that eats away at you is comparison. Comparison to others and comparison to what you feel should've happened already. That story you have in your head that says that you should've had a relationship / date / sex already like everyone else isn't helpful. You're living your own individual life circumstances. You're on a different timeline than everyone else. Is it fair? Maybe not, but this is how it is and you can either give up or keep trying.
     
  6. Becoming Jasmine

    Becoming Jasmine Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I guess you’re right. I have been comparing myself to others too much.

    It’s not easy for me to stop though. It always feels like when I try to stop, it’s only because I could never measure up.
     
  7. ghalib

    ghalib Fapstronaut

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    i feel same relatibility
     
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  8. Becoming Jasmine

    Becoming Jasmine Fapstronaut

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    I’m sorry. It sucks.

    But I have gotten better at not comparing myself to others recently, and that does help.

    I guess since my friend is trying to find someone to take my virginity, and it seems like he’s almost there, it’s kind of lost it’s hold on me.

    Up until recently, I thought of having a relationship on the same level as riding a dragon, just an impossible fantasy. But now that it seems like it might actually happen, it doesn’t feel that way anymore.

    Even if I don’t end up getting laid, I’m honestly okay with that. I guess that isn’t much help to you, but it’s interesting to me. I guess I just needed a wake up call to tell me that this isn’t some holy grail. Relationships and sex aren’t perfect, and there’s no good reason to idealize them, as hard as that may be when everyone but you seems to have them.

    Anyway, good luck with your situation!
     
  9. I admit I was in a bad mood when I wrote my post so I may have been too cynical. There are good things about being in a relationship and bad things. A good thing about being single is you can be more independent, you don't need to consider how someone feels about you doing things. If you're single you can get a job in another country and just leave without telling anyone, you can watch a game without anyone bothering you or complaining, you can go shopping and not have to think about whether your partner will be upset with you spending money, you can go out and stay out as long as you like. There's a lot more freedom. On the other side, it's nice to have someone in your life because when you're single it can get lonely. I guess the choice is no freedom/not lonely or freedom/lonely. I'm not suggesting that everyone who's in a relationship is controlled by the other person but even if you're in a relationship where your partner trusts you and gives space you still need to consider them when you do things.

    I can honestly say that sometimes I'm happy that I'm single because I can do what I want. I admit sometimes I struggle with forgiveness. I've heard it said forgiveness comes in waves, so sometimes I do feel bitter and think negatively about relationships but even when I don't feel like that I am glad to be single. Like I said I am free to do what I like.

    This is a quote from Mark Manson, "Romantic love is a trap designed to get two people to overlook each other’s faults long enough to get some babymaking done". Yes people are usally happy in the first few months and that happiness can last between 6 months - 2 years but once you're past that you really find out if the person really loves you. In the time you're 'in love' you can end up doing things you later regret. That might be having an unplanned pregnancy, becoming a single parent or marrying someone who you don't really love.
     
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