Am I crazy or is he hiding something?

Really ? How many counselers have you seen ? Maybe you picked bad ones.

Sounds like you already made your decision...

 

I don't think a counselor would look at you or your husband at being the "problem". What they would see is two individuals who are hurt. One with an addiction and one who is being crushed because of that addiction. Counseling does nothing unless you are willing to go and be honest and face yourself - the same would apply to your husband.

 

Try your hardest not to show emotion; as soon as a tear drops or we yell, they know we still care. Act like you don't give a crap...it's super hard, but sometimes that scares them enough.
Honestly, it is exhilarating not giving a crap.
Put your headphones in & do you

 

Try to be as honest as you can with him. If you care for him then say it. There is no point in pretending you don't care whereas you do. It can only make it worst. So my advice is be honest.

 

That gets pretty difficult as the wife.
She has been honest; it's him that's not.
It's exhausting to show emotion & not be taken seriously, year after year after year. Not only that, but to be honest & then be blamed for having said emotions; or made to feel crazy for having them.
Thin rope us wives walk...

 

I can understand this is difficult, although I'm not a woman. Though I still believe being honest is always the best option, even thought the other is not.

 

Lol I was just talking about this very thing in my therapists office the other day. I usually wake my husband because he falls back asleep after the alarm, but It's NOt My Responsibility to get him up. I do it out of caring, but it's not my job.

He is responsible for getting himself up. From what I have read it seems he isn't in recovery or fully understanding the damage he has caused. Have you set boundaries with him (sorry I haven't read the full thread)

 

This must be incredibly difficult for you. It sounds to me like you may also be suffering from CPTSD, which is going to make his betrayal hurt you even more...and this betrayal is incredibly devastating to most women.

You are not crazy. None of this is your fault. You did nothing wrong. EVER. He is blaming you because he’s selfish. It’s not a lack of something on your part. The thing is, he could have every single porn woman in the world and he’d still be going to hide a masturbate. Just like Hugh Heffner.

You need to focus on your healing. And you need to detach from him. It is not going to be easy.

Kick him out. Honestly, you should. I’m not saying you have to leave him. In fact, it’s suggested you don’t make any major decisions until at least a year after D-Day, depending on how committed you were to the relationship. But you have the right to feel safe. And the best thing for your sanity will be to just let him go do his thing on his own.

He is going to need to be knocked down on his ass before he will be willing to change. And if he isn’t willing to change, you can find yourself a better man.

Do NOT think you aren’t good enough for someone else. Do NOT think you’re too broken.

Let him lose everything so that he can make the decision to grow up or stay an impotent child.

 

Honestly I say follow all the advice that CowardlyLion gave before. I'm an addict and honestly we sometimes need to know that we're able to lose something we really care about before we resolve to make real change.

 

I agree. My husband didn't wake up until he realized I didn't care anymore. As long as he could see I was hurting and engaged, he thought he had it in the bag. And he was right. Now that I have pulled out physically and emotionally, he seems to be engaged in recovery for the first time.

 

Reducing stress is good. Has your behavior towards him changed?

 

Your story breaks my heart. What do you do with someone who has no insight into how badly this is affecting your life together? I know you didn't imagine this life. Remember what you wanted and where you are. Also, no one deserves to be treated in such a mentally abusive way. He has the problem not you. Remember that. I hope this is getting better and not worse. I'm so sorry!