Am I crazy or is he hiding something?

Hopfully this isn’t in the wrong section, but I would like a males opinion.

My husband has gotten better and better at hiding over the years. He has lied to me more than I can count. I’ve always managed to trust him again, but this time it has been over a year and I still cannot. Probably due to the circumstances around the last lie. So I am not sure if I am paranoid or if I am on to something.

Morning times are when my husband “needs” you know...it....but he gets up at 4am and I am not a morning person.....I know he Ms in the morning around that time.

I’ve noticed a pattern of him looking at GIPHY in the mornings when he wakes up when he is Needing it probably doing M. It isn’t exactly always at the same time so I know it isn’t the app just doing something at the same time every day and on the weekends he sleeps in and I notice a lot of activity during the time he wakes up.

I went in looked at his search history in the app and it has all been deleted. This is the number one reason I suspect it. He is not one to delete stuff unless he is hiding something.

I can’t be certain what he is looking at. For all I know he texts the same person a gif every morning, but why delete it. I asked him if there is anything he is doing that he knows would hurt me etc. He has surprised me with his great ability to lie in the past to the point that I nearly thought I was losing it even when I had undeniable proof. So this time I made sure to pay close attention and look him in the eyes. I don’t feel like he was being honest and he is using technicality’s to lie to me. When I got more specific in my questions he seemed to get more nervous and started blinking a lot. Then answered my question with a question. I probably should have tried to catch him red handed...but I thought he would be honest this time. I haven’t told him what I know because I don’t want to help him hide stuff.

Do you think I am being paranoid or am I on to something?

 

I left the room and told him to let me know if he wanted to tell the truth. Then I thought: I bet he goes and checks his search history on the app to see if he left something! So I checked and shortly after I left he got on giphy.

 

I am so upset right now and he is sleeping like a baby.....not feeling like I am very important.

 

I would love a suggestion. It’s hard for me to maintain my cool but I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. I want to go shake him awake and demand answers.

 

Thank you for the suggestion and advice. I really appreciate it. I will try that. I think he will hide it at all cost though. Honestly I promised myself I would leave him if I found out again. Well I found out a MONTH after we got married that he never stopped and just got better at hiding it. How could he something he knew hurts me ALOT when he is planning on walking down the isle with me. I just feel jipped I think. I know I would have left if we didn’t get married. That’s probably why I can’t trust him and feel paranoid.

 

And I just checked his phone. Not only did he check the app when I left he closed it out. He doesn’t close stuff out....

 

He didn’t use it this morning for the first time in forever. Imagine that.

 

I asked him directly last night and he straight up denied it.

 

You’re right. My gut has always been right. He is good at making me think I am crazy though.

 

He sent me this this morning “There is inappropriate stuff on gyphy , I dont masturbate to it, I deleted it. i LOVE YOU!”

Then he told me he doesn’t delete his search history. I suppose it magically disappears on its own.... he said he did check it last night because he was trying to figure out what I was talking about. Yet he still denies any wrong doing. I just don’t believe him. Maybe I am paranoid because of the years and years of him lying to me. Either way I don’t believe a word he says.

 

Oh the he started finger pointing and asking me what my issue is etc. Not surprised at all. Which is why I am usually scared to ever ask him anything at all.

 

Thank you! That is my plan. I’m done investing time into wondering what he is hiding. At this point I know he is hiding something, who cares what it is. I also don’t think it will ever stop so what’s the point of me caring anymore. I’m going to divert my efforts into fixing myself and all the self-confidence and other issues this has caused. As well as concentrating on healthy things that will bring me joy.