Am I addicted to transsexuals or will this go say after reboot?!

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by sirtoonin, Aug 8, 2019.

  1. sirtoonin

    sirtoonin New Fapstronaut

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    Hey everyone reading this, I am new to nofap as I just made my account a couple minutes ago. I didn’t think I would ever share this but I really need advice and support maybe from some people dealing with the same problem or understanding people. So I’ll try to make my key points and not give my whole story. When I was young in middle school I would steal some porno dvds from my dad and watch them everyday before school. It was straight porn and that’s the only thing I was interested in until I graduated high school. A little after high school I started watching transsexual porn then moved to cross dresser porn. I would switch from straight porn to ts porn. Everyday after work I would watch p even at work in the bathroom. I would feel really ashamed right after but that shame would quickly go away since I felt like it was temporary and no one would find out I was watching ts porn. Some days thats all I would watch. I knew deep down I would never date a ts or spend a whole day with one but I always wanted to have sex with one. Every time I would watch it I would skip the parts of the ts performing on the male since it would turn me off for the most part. Sometimes I would go on instagram and see girls with big butts and over enhanced body parts (plastic surgery) and it would turn to me watching SSBBW p or BBW p or Ts p. Sometimes I would even message female escorts and set up times to meet them but always talked myself out of it. Until one day I was super horny to the point where even ts porn was doing it for me. So I scheduled a sex date with a ts and went through with it. The whole drive there it was like my mind was fighting with try to talk myself out of to going through with it. But I ended up showing up and doing what I intended to do. Right after it I felt really ashamed but it took a couple days for me to fully process what just happened. I felt so depressed and scared to the point of crying knowing that what I did was wrong and the idea that I had a std was flooding through my mind day after day. Fortunately that didn’t happen. But the idea that I still went through with it bothered me. I couldn’t hold it in anymore and told my mom everything about my sex/porn addiction but the ts escort encounter. She was very understanding and compassionate so my depression went away for a couple days A couple days later I felt into depression again and feel like I’m living a lie. Like if I’m really bi or gay. I want to some day have a real relationship with a girl with female parts and have quit porn for 2 weeks and wish to never go back. Some times I think about the encounter I had or a ts I use to M to and it instantly turns me on. But in my mind I know this isn’t what I want. I just really want to know if this fetish will go away after the 90 days or if this is just something I have to live with. If there’s anyone going through something similar or already did please reach out to me or leave a comment as I’m desperate for help and want to acknowledge that I did this and move on with my life. Thank you guys
     
  2. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    Welcome mate, thanks for sharing your story here. This is a supportive place with plenty of people who've gone through similar things so I hope you find some good information to help.

    I myself went through a period of 'trans fetish'. I also acted out and slept with a trans woman. It didn't feel right, and I just have to accept it happened and make peace with it.

    After many NoFap attempts and a few longer streaks, it's no longer something I consider. It's just something I used to watch and now I don't have the interest to go back.

    The more time you spend away from porn, the more 'natural' your sexual interests will become. Best of luck!
     
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2019
  3. sirtoonin

    sirtoonin New Fapstronaut

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    Thank you brother I really appreciate the reply! I’ll try to keep a positive attitude and quit pmo for good see where that takes me in life
     
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  4. CookyMonster

    CookyMonster Fapstronaut

    Hi and welcome, good you are here to share your story and reach out for support. One thing that comes to my mind reading it and hearing you ask if the 90 day reboot will solve it all is this thought:

    By now you well know yourself what DOSNT work. In order to find out what works then you need to go new paths. None of our experiences, nor our answers can do your work. You need to do the 90 days then you‘ll know. Maybe 63, maybe 345, maybe forever? For sure is you need to stop watching porn. NOW. And stop indulging in fantasizing, stop all you did and know doesn‘t help. Talk and share here, find new ways and strategies that work for you. Find out about the reason Why you got in that mess and Why you want to leave it all behind.

    And my respect for having had the courage to tell your mum. If you can tell your mum then you can conquer that addictive beast ;).
    And happy to hear she is understanding and compassionate. That‘s the way it should be.
    Cheers and take good care of your self.
     
    sirtoonin likes this.
  5. porsche4life

    porsche4life Fapstronaut

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    Just obstain from watching porn and you will be fine.
     
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  6. alexg1709

    alexg1709 Fapstronaut

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    Hey welcome to the forums!

    I am in the same boat as you totally identical situation except that I visited ts escorts more than once to feel ashamed and guilt for days after.

    I am also going for the 90 day no PM . The reason I am not doing PMO Is because is I do have a girlfriend. However I am 38 and now have developed ed and need pills for sex.

    Can't give you a success story mate as I have just joined as well but I want you to know that you are not alone and that you should follow the advice of the good people here because there are many success stories to look forward to. Get yourself a good AP that can help you through this process.

    Best of luck!
     
    sirtoonin likes this.
  7. porsche4life

    porsche4life Fapstronaut

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    I also got addicted to this genre and actually quit porn at age 15 before going back 9 months later because a friend urged. At the time I didn't know anything about nofap and the effects of porn but I know now. Shit the only problem is at that time all the porn genres got boring for me and I had PIED now that's not the case and it is harder and what made me start nofap was because I looked up tranny porn.
     
  8. Shy_1990

    Shy_1990 Fapstronaut

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    I think once you get away from porn youll be fine.
    I believe that its fine to be attracted to the basic parts of a man/woman that are a natural draw to our biological drive to reproduce. Eg the wider hips of a woman are there to fit the womb and carry a child, the breasts are there to feed a baby and the genitals to reproduce. So it makes sense a man would have a natural healthy interest in such things.
    But outside of that I think a lot of our fetishes are just a product of society messing with our brain in one way or another inc porn.
    Of course thats just personal opinion but thats how i feel.
     
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  9. euphoria_19

    euphoria_19 Fapstronaut

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    Like you I also went through the same thing except actually going thru with. However, I did put myself in the situation to go thru with it but I could never get turned on, thus I left the ts in the room. I did use M on a ts thru Skype, but could never carried out O with a ts. I like so many started watching straight porn which I consider natural in the sense of male & female sexual relations. Then after 12 or 13 years of that, I got bored & ended up ts porn. I don't have an extremly heavy addiction to it, but I notice over time, I started watching it more and more to the point it's like a 9:5 ratio with straight porn. I'm going Nofap for more than that reason. I suffer from DE, desensitization & draining of energy because of PMO. You're not alone, and I'll be happy to tell you guys how my progress has went
     
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  10. alexg1709

    alexg1709 Fapstronaut

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    Hey brother I woul love to hear about your progress. Besides the addiction to ts porn I have developed physical symptoms like fatigue eye floaters joint pains muscle twitching and excessive sweating. Did you have any symptom besides fatigue?
     
  11. euphoria_19

    euphoria_19 Fapstronaut

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    Yes I developed those same physical symptoms and my heart used to always race & I had a burning sensation in my stomach which I didn't like. I never had these feelings when talking to women, sleeping with women, ejaculating in women or watching straight porn. So, for me to not have ever done anything physically sexual with a ts, it just bothers me. It happens sometimes when watching porn and when talking to a ts online. But one brother on mention a key word which I knew there was a term for but I never knew what it was. I'm suffering from HOCD.
     
  12. ImpureHuman

    ImpureHuman Fapstronaut

    Welcome to the forum, friend.

    Continues use of porn may have lead to enjoying more variety contents, are you enjoying them? Are you aroused by them always. Do Nofap for extended period of time and see are you still interested in it. The excitement that you developed through watching long period of time may be playing now.

    Just do Nofap. Now shame and conditioning to porn is what filled your mind.

    It's a brave that you shared the story. We can change, overcome this addiction. Stay active here.

    Good luck.
     
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  13. sirtoonin

    sirtoonin New Fapstronaut

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    Thank you! I appreciate the kind words brother
     
  14. sirtoonin

    sirtoonin New Fapstronaut

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    Body aches, tiredness, anxiety, and depression but I don’t know if that’s because I work and go to school or maybe since pmo was draining my life or the fact that I actually went through with having sex with a ts. All I know is I need change in my life and I feel like this is a great way to start. If you ever want to talk I’m more than happy to!
     
  15. euphoria_19

    euphoria_19 Fapstronaut

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    I was enjoying them and I was aroused at times, but never aroused in person. I believe without a shadow of doubt that it is porn that made me dabble in a little bit of variety porn. I'm on the second day of NoFap and I still have porn images and scenes in my mind. I've been staying busy, but the thoughts & sounds are still there. I just hope I don't relapse.
     
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  16. alexg1709

    alexg1709 Fapstronaut

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    Don't worry brother EXACTLY the same scenario I am in. I've tried over and over nothing but shame and guilt afterwards.

    But the fact that I see so many people on the forums with the same issue gives me hope. So many success stories of people beating this addiction.

    It can be done drop PMO and it will fade away. But as an ex drug addict myself I can see it won't be easy.

    However get a good AP and get yourself into some physical activities etc.
     
  17. Porn is trash

    Porn is trash Fapstronaut

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    sirtoonin likes this.
  18. Ginseng12

    Ginseng12 Fapstronaut

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    Same boat here too my friend, I have met up with around 4 and i never feel satisfied afterwards, i feel depressed, angry and scared. However i have done 16 days of nofap and guess what?! I had incredible sex with a girl and i O'd in about 5 minutes, and i was drunk! Before i would be going at it for literally sometimes hours and not enjoying it, they would be but i got bored and tired. There is hope my friend, we just need to beat watching porn and stop thinking about transsexuals, once we can do that everything will turn back to normal! It will be hard, but we will become enlightened once we achieve our goals and that's what we should all strive for.
     
    sirtoonin likes this.
  19. PeterJL

    PeterJL Fapstronaut

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    It's hard to say. My longest "NoFap" streak was over a year, when I first converted to Catholicism. This was actually before I even knew what "NoFap" was, it may not have existed yet.
    Anyways, my point is this; AFTER this streak I turned bicurious and became interested in TS stuff. Before I had no interest in anything of the sort. And I was in my late 20s and already married so I was certainly surprised!
    That being said, P is P and people are people. Gay people, straight people and trans people are all people. What you are into really doesn't matter as much as whether or not you learn to control your impulses and respect other people.
     
  20. Trying358

    Trying358 Fapstronaut

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    Something like that happened to me within the last six months. I'd never been into TS porn, if I looked at it I wasn't aroused at all. And then I was on a video site and clicked on a video and it suddenly drove me crazy! Since then, I've really been turned on by it.

    Honestly, I don't mind, I put most of my sexual shame behind me years ago (which wasn't easy). I'd be glad to have sex or a relationship with a trans person. But it does point out how porn can get us into weird things, even if we were never that way before. I'm not doing NoFap for that reason, I really don't mind this, but I do know that if I eschew porn I'm less likely to get into weird things in the future.

    Anway, the reason I mention this besides the fact that I'm kind of surprised because I'm not alone is because I think whatever NoFap does for us, I think it's important to become comfortable with our sexual desires, as long as they aren't harmful to ourselves or others. You don't have to do them, but I think it's important not to be guilty or anxious about them for your own psychological well being. That way, even if this attraction doesn't fade. A *lot* of straight guys have this, just look at how much TS porn there is. (And it doesn't make you gay, as a lot of people seem to think -- most gay guys are interested in masculine partners, not partners with a woman's body. Most of the guys who get turned on by this are straight.)
     
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