Always horny around girlfriend(s).. (when not on NoFap)

Hey,

I feel bad for you, firstly I would say that at 20 years old feeling horny a lot of the time is quite normal and it's not wrong for you to want to be sexual with your girlfriend- it's natural It sounds like your last girlfriend had a lower sex drive perhaps and therefore the two of you were not sexually compatible- It sounds like breaking up was for the best.

In regards to giving up PMO- The longer you go the better, 90 is needed to reboot your brain- how that effects levels of horniness can vary in different people- you may have to learn to control those urges and learn to avoid triggers.

 

hey
this has been one of my main issues as well. I'll tell you more later as i Don't have a lot of time right now, but no P has helped me a lot out of "cuddle only" situations. Also, when i stopped P I made it a rule to never ask for sex, let her ask, and it changed everything, now she's 5 times more horny for me.

i told her about my P addiction and nofap and that i wanted to stop and that I will not ask for sex as I let her judge when it would be good for her. after 1 week we've been doing it almost everyday for 2 month! that's just crazy. i love the feeling of no longer beeing rejected and having her initiate

 

hey, thanks

so basically i used to have a "normal sex drive", by that I mean with my previous gf there was no imbalance. when i met my wife we both had a huge sex drive, we would do it at least once a day. at the time i was watching porn everyday but i didnt want to tell her so I stopped watching it. since we had this crazy sex for a year and a half i didn't feel like i missed it. although we already had fights once in a while when i had more libido than her but we would joke about it afterwards, no biggie.

then came the pregnancy and after 3 months her libido fell drastically to once or twice a week, but the problem was more qualitative than quantitative. sex became boring as she didn't want to do a lot of things, seemed like the "passion was gone" i was kind of sad and frustrated about it. it became worst with the kid who slept in our bed. that's when i started P again, several times a day, i kept harrasing her for sex at the first occasion and while we had some good times, most of it for years was kind of gloomy.

the worst is that i started having ED and to get more excited I would ask for stuff drawn from porn that would make her very inconfortable.

then I discovered nofap and tried to stop on my own for a couple of years. still, every time we would cuddle i would ask for sex and she'd say no 6 out of 7 times. worst is, we would still not spend a week without sex, so I should have felt satisfied, but it was worse and worse.

we went through a complicated crisis that also had to do with other things like work and monet, but, as I said, what really helped is when I told her the truth about my addiction and my efforts on nofap. then she became very happy and supportive. she told me a couple of things that really motivated me into stopping to try and initiate sex like :"i never have the chance to try to seduce you", "I feel like you are never going to ne satisfied about our sex life, whatever I do" and "i feel like a prey always hiding and ready for you to jump on me". I didnt realize how heavy this all was on her.

so I made it a rule, first, to have some days where I would forbid myself to ask for sex. I would light a special light in the bedroom that would be a code for "i wont ask for sex tonight"

I'll continue the story later

 

so at the beginning i would light the "no sex" light for a couple of days in a row, and as a result of me not initiating we would just cuddle. i felt the temptation to initiate but I told myself that I made a promise with this light and if she cannot trust me then she cannot trust me to change and better myself.

but soon, the 'no sex' light would just become the default. i realized that I didn't want to initiate sex at all and that i wanted her to want me. i was terrified that we would never have sex again!!! for 5 days in a row she would not initiate, but she started talking about sex at the first occasion, joking about it, sending pics etc..

and so as i told you in the original post, it's been two month now where she has a much higher sex drive than me, asks for sex almost everyday, and i stopped watching porn !

it's still difficult for me not to "expect" sex but that's the key. if she feels like she "owes" it or it is expected then fights start again

i hope the story was enlightening and helpful. for me porn was really a poison as it taught me to always want more and crazier, and that was just so frustrating for her.

 

Thanks for sharing so much, rubedo. As a mid 20's guy who hopes to get married someday and eventually have kids, I really appreciated reading about the stages you've gone through. Best wishes to you and your family!

 

you're very welcome! glad it was useful

 

My suggestion is to just be honest with her. Be open about your needs and desires and be receptive to her's. Sex takes two and neither's needs are more important than the other's.

I think there are lots of ways to make her feel wanted/ special that don't require sexual advances- doing a chore for her while she relaxes, a massage without any expectation of sex (but hey, it may happen anyway), a small thoughtful gift, etc. Hope this helps!

 

exactly this: caress her hair, prepare a nice diner date, tell her how beautiful she is...
jumping on her can be interpreted by her as "he just feels horny" while these other ways are more conveying of feelings