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Almost 3 years without sex. Suicidal Thoughts

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by racc00n, Oct 21, 2018.

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  1. Oct 24, 2018 #21
    racc00n

    racc00n Fapstronaut

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    My friends and other people i have talked with have told me that i am average looking. I was of normal weight 3 years ago, but zyprexa and seroquel added 30 kilograms to me. Now i am 100 KG and 1.76m tall. I know, im almost obese. What exactly is a Sex Surrogate ?
     
    racc00n, Oct 24, 2018
    racc00n, Oct 24, 2018
    #21
  2. Oct 24, 2018 #22
    end_it_for_good

    end_it_for_good Fapstronaut

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    I've been there. Not your whole story, but a lot of it.

    Best advice - put yourself in situations where conversation happens naturally. Volunteering events, going to local events and making friends and getting hooked into their friend circles. This will get you meeting more people.

    Bars aren't usually where you think of meeting a girlfriend. A lot of it is setup.

    So things you can control right now:

    GET IN SHAPE - YOU WILL FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF
    figure out how many calories you need to be eating to start losing a tiny bit of fat every week. This works: http://www.nowloss.com/weight-loss-plan-to-lose-your-last-10-pounds.htm

    When you lose fat your dick can work better. eating better too. NoFap isn't the only thing. Thinking it is is too reductionist.

    GET BETTER CLOTHES - YOU CAN INCREASE YOUR ATTRACTIVENESS BY DRESSING BETTER
    - the trick here is to find celebrities you relate too and dress like them
    - alternatively just use stitchfix and tell them the look you are going for.
    - the idea is to dress in a way that the women you are into would find attractive.

    FIND EVENTS - MAKE IT EASIER TO MEET WOMEN
    -cold approaching sucks. PUAs are trying to sell courses, so the advice they offer gets you to buy more courses. They vastly overcomplicate things
    -warm approach all the time.
    -choose a religious group, unitarians are pretty chill if you aren't really into religion, also zen groups. They have places to mingle after the service. You generally feel uplifted and you have some common interest to bond with people
    -join a local sports league (you don't like sports you say, who cares. just do it), like frisbee, sailing, dodgeball. Women usually are there to meet dudes.
    -join an improve class - this will improve social skills
    meetup.com, go on facebook events to find things to do, etc.

    Everybody I've met and stayed friends with came from some classes i was going to and a religiously affiliated young people groups. I dated all the women I've dated recently from these religious groups. They aren't even religious at all. They are just excuses for young people to gather who have some common identity. Nobody is ever talking about religion at a lot of the groups, i'm sure some Christian groups yea, but there are many other groups that don't. Join a buddhist group in a city. Tons of chill, understanding non-superficial women.

    Also it sounds like you've got a whole bunch of mental stuff/trauma to work through. A decent counselor twice a week helped me tremendously for a year. Also I was going to AA groups for drug addiction stuff. It's kind of a goofy group, but having the social support is really helpful.

    Also NOFAP won't fix everything. It's just one piece to a larger health pie.

    I was jacking off daily, eating donuts and fried chicken at every meal, horribly suicidal and unemployed. Now - none of that is true. fully employed, lost fat, gained muscle, dating, year sober. That was 1 year ago. Not that long. I did a ton more than just NoFap, I cleaned up everything
     
    end_it_for_good, Oct 24, 2018
    end_it_for_good, Oct 24, 2018
    #22
    FX-05, lucentio, Ra's Al Ghul and 1 other person like this.
  3. Oct 24, 2018 #23
    vitatertot

    vitatertot Fapstronaut

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    Totally agree with the above guy. Ignore the guy's advice about the sex surrogate. Please. It's just admitting that you can't get better. and you can. Like he said, get in shape, reboot your entire life, and you'll find that you can do anything you legitimately set your mind and will to. But you have to commit. Like he said, just get involved in social stuff. Community is important.
     
    vitatertot, Oct 24, 2018
    vitatertot, Oct 24, 2018
    #23
    lucentio likes this.
  4. Oct 24, 2018 #24
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    As someone who has long had mental health issues, I'm going to ask you to do yourself a favour and not seek out a woman at present. Best-case scenario is that you meet up with someone for something casual, it happens but there's no real feeling. I'm not opposed to casual sex, but it would probably do you more harm than good at present. It's not that you can't have it, but it will be so much more enjoyable when you're working on yourself, improving your life and unlocking your awesomeness. At present the only women you're likely to attract are ones that have their own problems and you won't really do much good for each other.

    As someone who has use both cocaine and MDMA in the past, I hated them. Not for the high but for the fact that they made me really horny and I had no one to fuck. The one time I did coke was at a friend's party, and I proceeded to walk around with a boner for the next three days - no amount of masturbation helped. I stopped them because I knew what having an unused boner felt like, so anything else the drugs did for me was kinda pointless.

    Think about what you could be doing with the time instead of whacking off (or fucking). Perhaps you'll discover a cure for cancer, or develop a new algorithm that makes it cool for Greeks to pay their taxes. I don't know your situation, and you don't know all of your future situation. You could use your experiences to help others in similar situations to avoid some of the pain you've endured. You are questioning me now, but I'll tell you that I've questioned others who were further along. It's no bed of roses - I still think about spanking the monkey, but my life without it is fine. Your life without it will be fine too.

    *sighs*

    The whole claim to 'powers' is a really dangerous form of snake oil to be peddling. I don't have women checking me out wherever I go, and what confidence I do have didn't come from NoFap - it's being built through hard work inside and a fuckload of painful introspection and rewriting lines of mindset 'code'. Guys who talk about powers were awesome and attractive to begin with, and just gave themselves permission to be that. As someone who has long been told they're worthless and unattractive, I'm doing the work, not my unused masculine energies. Adopting a mindset of abundance and positivity is difficult, but it's working for me.

    'Powers' are a lie - you're awesome already.
     
    Deleted Account, Oct 24, 2018
    Deleted Account, Oct 24, 2018
    #24
  5. Oct 24, 2018 #25
    3nigma

    3nigma Fapstronaut

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    In other words, all you have to do is change literally everything about yourself to get laid. Man, fuck that shit. It's a bad deal. I say find out who YOU are and what YOU like to do. Don't go changing your style to fit some woman's taste. That's ridiculous. Be your authentic self and if nobody likes you fuck em.

    It's hard to be in shape with the anti-psychotics. I gained like 100 lbs and I'm pre-diabetic thanks to those things. Plus they make you slow and not wanna work out. It sucks but that's what we're stuck with if we wanna live a somewhat normal life. Finding a women who will accept us, including our mental illness, is gonna be quite a challenge. But that's not something we can wish away.

    Anyway, wish I had some more advice for you but I'm dealing with the same shit you're dealing with. If someone has better advice than "change everything about yourself," then I'm open to it.
     
    3nigma, Oct 24, 2018
    3nigma, Oct 24, 2018
    #25
  6. Oct 25, 2018 #26
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    Nofap is the act of not acting. So it won't do anything for you except get rid of the negative actions and habits that you are doing. Nofap is really doing nothing so nofap will not get you anything except an opportunity. You have to do positive action and take possibly some risk to get anything and get better at something
     
    Deleted Account, Oct 25, 2018
    Deleted Account, Oct 25, 2018
    #26
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  7. Oct 25, 2018 #27
    Pinetree

    Pinetree Fapstronaut

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    Something which is misrepresented on this site is that sex is addictive too.

    And sometimes in weird ways, for example, after few weeks of abstinence, I am getting horny at the thought NOT having sex with a girl.

    But maybe it's just me ...

    Anyway, if I was you, I would to look for life outside and beyond sex. Talk to people, read books, try new things or hobbies, and see if you can find out what people can fill their life with, outside of having sex.

    Yes, but not all religions are against sex and many people practicing religions also practice sex. For some people it's somewhat ok to be sinful.

    Since you may be suffering from depression, it may be difficult to find something in your life that you find valuable to pursue. Here what may help is to try some sort of spiritual practice, even if you are not religious.

    It can be something completely nonreligious, but some Buddhist groups are pretty open to non-believers.
     
    Pinetree, Oct 25, 2018
    Pinetree, Oct 25, 2018
    #27
  8. Oct 25, 2018 #28
    racc00n

    racc00n Fapstronaut

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    Sorry guys, i dont know how to quote text so i will answer to everyone. It looks like anti-depressants are the only solution, and i have to forget about drugs for a while. The magic of mdma is indescribable though, its like the strongest SSRI. As for religions, here is a little story. 4 years ago after my first psychotic episode i started believing in energy and vibes and stuff like that. So i went to a holistic, who said she can fix my aura. Then she took me to an organized buddhist center and the leader there ( the Llama ) said that in order to regain my vital energy i must not have sex again. I didnt obey him of course, i had sex again and i felt reborn. I left the group and never talked to them again. But, his words hurt me and now i want all buddhists dead. Thats why i hate religions ( all of them ). IF i was about to engage in something close to religion, it would be the 12 gods of Olympus, which is not actually a religion. They are symbols. Anyway, I have to deal with depression first. Do you think it can be cured with nofap instead of medications ? Psytrance music makes me forget my problems and uplifts me quite a lot. At the moment, i cant do much beyond my assignments and my Thesis. On christmas holidays, i might go abroad. Copenhagen or Alps. I hope these activities will help, and i might have a chance outside Greece. Women here are too fuckin narrow-minded and conservative
     
    racc00n, Oct 25, 2018
    racc00n, Oct 25, 2018
    #28
    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. Oct 25, 2018 #29
    end_it_for_good

    end_it_for_good Fapstronaut

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    well. not so much change everything. Just go to where women are essentially and look the part. That could mean a single pair of jeans and a preppy shirt, band tee, leather jacket, whatever. something to signal to who you want to attract. If losing weight is a big deal, then skip that.
     
    end_it_for_good, Oct 25, 2018
    end_it_for_good, Oct 25, 2018
    #29
    Deleted Account and jarvyjarvison like this.
  10. Oct 25, 2018 #30
    Pinetree

    Pinetree Fapstronaut

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    For your depression you may have to do more things, such as therapy, medication, activities. Not necessarily rely on one single thing.

    Sorry, don't understand something here, why did his words hurt you ?

    I mean, you may disagree with a person, but did he offend you or something ?
     
    Pinetree, Oct 25, 2018
    Pinetree, Oct 25, 2018
    #30
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  11. Oct 25, 2018 #31
    3nigma

    3nigma Fapstronaut

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    Dude, you gotta get off the drugs. I know I sound like a buzzkill and all but, trust me, they're no good for you. They're no good for anyone but they're especially not good for people with mental illness. You've got Zyprexa and Seroquel in your system reducing the effect of neurotransmitters on your brain and you're throwing a monkey wrench in it by sending your neurotransmitters spiking and crashing with the MDMA and cocaine. I know what you're going through; I've been through the drug bs. I used it with my medication too and it screwed me up and I probably could have avoided going to the hospital a couple of times if I hadn't been using drugs.

    This makes zero sense. You admit that you were psychotic and this whole ordeal took place during a psychotic episode yet you still want "all buddhists dead" because of what one guy supposedly said to you? Come on, man. Unless you're psychotic now you should see that this is completely illogical.

    No, you need a psychiatrist and you need to do what he tells you.
     
    3nigma, Oct 25, 2018
    3nigma, Oct 25, 2018
    #31
  12. Oct 25, 2018 #32
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    Hey @racc00n,

    Glad you're still with us, Gato.

    Get the 'drugs' out of your system, let your prescriptions do their thing. Maybe it takes a season, or a year. At the end, what have you lost? You can still go to a club, pop a pill and ping your brains out. Jarvy's been there and he doesn't want you going there too.

    He's right. I ended up having LOTS of issues with Christianity based on the simple hypocrisy of many around me, but as someone who became open and understanding of pretty much every other faith, I realised that my own views needed an adjustment. There are plenty of great Christians (just on this forum alone), and every faith has asshats, so a faith, any faith, can do good or bad.

    I say this as someone who is further towards atheist than agnostic, despite being raised Catholic and have extended periods of contact with Sunni Islam and the 'Chinese' religions (Buddhism, Taoism, etc).

    I'd like to add something more here. If you don't feel your psychiatrist is having a positive influence on your health after a certain period (let's be REALLY generous and say 6 months), tell them and demand someone else. I was seeing one for almost three years and he did three-fifths of fuck-all. He just prescribed medication and asked the same inane questions, without even checking his notes. I thought I was the one who was wrong, but he was clearly phoning it in professionally.

    So get a psych, but make sure they care about what they're doing.
     
    Deleted Account, Oct 25, 2018
    Deleted Account, Oct 25, 2018
    #32
  13. Oct 26, 2018 #33
    racc00n

    racc00n Fapstronaut

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    The story with the buddhists took place 1 year after i recovered from my first psychotic episode. At the moment i dont have any symptoms at all. I take abilify and lamictal and im fine. I was on zyprexa and seroquel 2 years ago. The reason why the Llama's words hurt me is that when i went there i was already one year without sex, and he told me words like: you are shit, you are not human, your emotions can kill humans and stuff like that. never in my life i had sex often and my friends tell me that it is actually my choice and i could get laid anytime i want. They have no idea about approach anxiety. In november im gonna see both my psychiatrist and a therapist. I have faith in hypnotherapy. Its all in my subconscious and it has to be deleted. Today i woke up with a better mood but i played a quick one ( fapped WITHOUT porn ). I just dont feel ready to go for a 90 day reboot, and i should cause i have problems even when fapping. I was sitting on my knees and i went soft at a point, and then i had to really focus to get it up again. I think my arousal requirements are escalating
     
    racc00n, Oct 26, 2018
    racc00n, Oct 26, 2018
    #33
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  14. Oct 26, 2018 #34
    Pinetree

    Pinetree Fapstronaut

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    Personally, I have met only few Buddhists and they were mostly nice people.

    Sorry about your bad experience with that lama.

    I guess it can happen.

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2018
    Pinetree, Oct 26, 2018
    Pinetree, Oct 26, 2018
    #34
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  15. Oct 26, 2018 #35
    Deleted Account

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    The ideal touted here is to go without porn and masturbation forever, but that's a pretty strong ideal. You've already made an improvement (masturbating without porn), and this after a few days of not doing anything. You're working on making you better, which is something independent of NoFap, but the two can aid each other (not a given, but multiple positive changes at once often work in concert).
     
    Deleted Account, Oct 26, 2018
    Deleted Account, Oct 26, 2018
    #35
    Pinetree likes this.
  16. Oct 31, 2018 #36
    racc00n

    racc00n Fapstronaut

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    3rd day of nofap and no morning wood. Im very worried that i wont function if i get the chance to have real sex. Also I woke up 3 times during the night. Clarity of mind is here, and a slight mood lift. Suicidalty has gone away but i started anti-depressants again. I couldnt avoid them. I stood for 4 months being depressed. I wasnt talking as much as i used to, i wasnt laughing, i couldnt focus,i wasnt paying much attention to my lessons. I still havent started many of my assignments, neither my thesis. Tommorow i have an apointment with a client to show him a draft of the website im making for him. I might stay up all night tonight and do some work
     
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2018
    racc00n, Oct 31, 2018
    racc00n, Oct 31, 2018
    #36
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  17. Oct 31, 2018 #37
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    See, @racc00n, even with this short period of abstinence you're noticing the benefits it is having on you, and you're developing greater focus. As someone who has dealt with depression for decades, undertaking this is not a magic cure-all, and you'll still have bad days. Look at is a building a house, and you're currently consulting the architectural drawings will the contractors lay the foundation for you.

    You've got this.
     
    Deleted Account, Oct 31, 2018
    Deleted Account, Oct 31, 2018
    #37
  18. Nov 1, 2018 #38
    racc00n

    racc00n Fapstronaut

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    Shit brothers, i relapsed because i was very anxious about an appointment. Never mind, as far i can see, i wont have sex for about a month from now. Thats because of the lack of time to go out. Christmas holidays are not far.
    Another topic now:

    Anti-depressants to help with loss of interest in dating and sex.

    2 days ago i started lexparo again. I never had problems with my sex drive neither my sexual function while on it.I was always fine with it. I can also say that it helped keep my erection, it just delayed my orgasm a bit. I was wondering if it will restore my interest to go after girls. SSRIs are supposed to restore emotion in people with depression. I've been depressed for the past 4 months and lost much of my interest in flirting. Will the medication make me more sociable and flirty? I do have experience on lexapro but i just look for more opinions
     
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2018
    racc00n, Nov 1, 2018
    racc00n, Nov 1, 2018
    #38
  19. Nov 2, 2018 #39
    phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    i went 4 years without :)

    try to get yourself in shape and have a good streak, at least 90 days
     
    phwrancesco, Nov 2, 2018
    phwrancesco, Nov 2, 2018
    #39
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  20. Jul 7, 2019 #40
    racc00n

    racc00n Fapstronaut

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    I'm back online and my feedback is unfortunately negative. Still sexless after countless rejections. Some things went better in my life others went worse. I found my dream job and I am not very insecure anymore but I am more fragile than ever. I'm about to collapse. I am pasting my last reply to a recent thread to give you details about a recent pseudo date that went to hell.
    There is also a bit of history about the cause of my failure the last years as well as a few notes on the rejection from a recent crush.

    hi guys i am back from much overtime work until Thursday. like 11 hours a day. So, the date wasn't exactly a date. i met her when she was with her mother. she visited my town with her, to find a doctor. Well, i have to say that high definition video chat can FOOL you big time. As pretty as she looked on skype, the exact opposite happened IRL. She was way more overweight than she looked, and had a few male features, like a bit of hair on her back, her face was too square and her feet too big. All these made me suspect that she was likely born a man and then made a surgery to change her sex. The first weird sign was the pitch of her voice. A bit bass but not too bass to make it certain that she is wasn't always a woman. I tried not to be paranoid because she didn't have the Adam's apple like most, lets say M2F women have. I have reason to be paranoid after my last encounter in 2016. She had the Adam's apple and her voice was somewhat deeper than normal for a female, and when i went inside her, her vagina was way TOO tight and i could feel the bone of the waist (exclusive male feature), and above all she was dry as a summer in Greece. However, i have met many actual women who have a bass voice but there were proofs that they were NOT born men like fully lubricated vagina and body proportions of a woman. Anyway, since then i am afraid that i will only attract that type of "women" from now on, or i wont attract anything female that breathes . I stayed for a brief coffee with her and her mother and then i called my mate, pretending i was worried and had to rush, and that my mate was in the hospital (he wasn't). I ran like Forest Gump. So my paranoia has skyrocketed now. Will i ever attract a pretty ACTUAL women again?
    The long dry spells began after my first psychotic episode in 2014 and climaxed now, since my second episode in 2016. I don't believe it has to do with my episodes. I was always more than interested in sex, and a friend keeps telling me that is actually my choice to abstain, since i am fine looking and i had success in the past. NO buddy, if it was my choice i wouldn't have made attempts. I admit it. I didn't approach for 2 and a half years, but since December 2018 when i started hunting again, ALL my attempts have failed. The quotes were more than humiliating and ironic. Examples:
    1)"I didnt feel any attraction. And also you remind me of my uncle. "
    2)"You dont attract me sexually. I dont like shaved heads, i like long hair and beards. And also you were very friendly with me from the beginning so how do you expect my response to your sexual interest? "
    3)"Thanks for your interest but honestly am not interested in such thing, and you make me feel awkward right now.So can we leave it?"
    A big note on #2 :
    That chick when she saw my photos she said they are all very good. Then, a short while after she rejected me, she called me handsome on Viber, and said that i am pretty despite the fact that she doesn't see me as a potential partner. Above all, her attitude towards me was like i am her one of her female friends. She told me to go out whenever she felt like it, but every time i asked her our she said no. Once, when i told her to meet me when i was with friends, she sent a friend request to my friend the next day and she was refusing to add me on FB and told me: you have become psychotic with the fucking facebook, and lied at me, by saying, she was trying to not use it and not add new people. Sorry, but if that was true you wouldnt have added my friend. Guys, dont you think that was a very mean gesture ?? Meet a person through your friend, add that person on FB the next fucking day and keep ignoring your friend ?? My mate agreed on that. So dear girl, IF you really liked me as a friend, you wouldnt keep refusing to add me. Every weekend she was telling me all the details of her sexual adventures like i was her little classmate from elementary school, like she didnt know i would feel awkward and uncomfortable.The peak was a friday night at a party when she came with her long haired and beard-faced fuck-buddy, but i cant accuse her, since she made her self clear that i dont attract her. So i believe she only wanted me as her company, just to connect her self to my male friends, who have the style of her taste, like beards and long hair. Parenthesis, i fucking HATE that style, I always did, not because SHE likes it (sorry, all skinheads and punks hate hipsters) . Continuing the story. After she added my beard-faced friend on FB, i ending up fictionally "hating" that friend and playing scenarios of offending him inside my head, despite that would never happen and still speak with that guy, cause i value friends even acquaintances much more than her or women like her. The guy advised me to stop talking to her. She and him have no contact at all, despite being friends on FB. Now i am afraid that she might find me through him and ask for explanations , and if that happens yes i will feel awkward and even afraid. I am not used to being straight forward when something annoys me. My family never taught me to even express my feelings, i dare to say they suppressed me whenever i tried to show my anger in anything. They never encouraged me to the tiniest thing regarding fighting in life and being asserting and strong etc..but what do you expect from a bipolar father who has made the hospital his second house and a depressed mother who denies treatment ? .... Parenthesis closes. Excuse me guys, i am asking you and please answer me with honesty and logic. If that attitude of that woman is not psychological war then what is it?? I consider my self a needy wussy, and a complete failure because i kept talking to her for a few months after the rejection and her mean gesture i told you, about FB and my friend. I kept pretending i am her friend cause i wanted her to help me with women, by introducing me to any of her friends or by advising me. Hahaha on that. A 31 year old "former" near-alpha male asking for help from a 24 y.o immature woman ?? I am so fucking desperate with rejection and sexual frustration, that i cant hide my needs (dont confuse needs with neediness, please). So, it is self-explanatory that i cut ALL contact with her COLD TURKEY. I disappeared like a ghost. Changed my phone number and profile on Facebook. And that way, i got away from the last "girl" i met(the one i started my post with). I dont know what to do fellas.

    LAST NOTE

    I have another story, but i must say it, to help you understand why i have started suspecting a curse or black magic. 4 Years ago, i got involved with a group of practiced buddhists here in Athens. I always believed in energy and reiki and back then, i had a tendency towards buddhism. Now i am back to Atheism. The teacher called llama by Buddhists there at the buddhist center, which they called temple, was a fucking scumbag. My reiki teacher who introduced me to him, told me that buddhism is not against sex and that the Llama will not tell me to abastain, neither your vows include celibacy. When i started getting deeper into that so called tantric mysticism, the Llama started telling my that i lack vital energy and if i wanted to live, i had to never have sex again. He said that every time i went there, and i was always very sensitive as a person. Words have a huge emotional impact on me. It was always like that, and i got worse after my first long dry spell in 2014, which broke in 2015. I left that group of people soon after that. Since then, i believe the reason i get rejected all the fucking time, is that the Llama has done a spell on me that keeps women away. I am SEVERELY traumatized since then. I cant even pronounce the words sex and love withou blushing or losing my words. Well I have the phone number of the Llama and i can mess with his life big time, i can even go to the center with others and smash it up, but i know i will get into trouble with the law because i went there on my own will and nobody forced me to stay with them. Also they never annoyed me again since i left. What can i do ?? Please help ? Is it the curse ?? Is it that looks really dont matter and is just abut HOW you approach ? I cant easily agree on the last one. When the pussy is wet and the dick hits the ceiling, everything else doesnt count. The last thing i can accept is that i a much uglier than my early 20s. If was always rejected by women, i wouldnt be paranoid and sad right now. But no, it wasnt like that back then. at least 4 attempts out of 10 succeded. Now 10 out of 10 FAIL. I dont know what kept from suicide since 2017 until today. The image of myself swallowing tons of pills and being found dead, or shooting my self is all over every day all day. I even make thoughts that ressemble neediness, like me having a near-death experience in order to make the world notice me a bit more and eventually getting a chance to just get rid of the excess testosterone. Yes i agree on nofap, it will help me calm down and approach with confidence. I was always against masturbation, not because of religion or other bullshit, but because the first homo sapiens got together every time they were horny without long stupid processes like chit chat and taking it slowly. Anyway, i can quit fapping for ever and try to get a girl every day everywhere but if i am convicted to eternal rejection, why even bother staying in this world ? I'd rather "leave" by a bullet from my own hand to my own head. Cause prostate cancer is the worst way to die. Please, i will accept all opinions. Even the offensive ones. But try to not discourage me please. I seriously wanna know WHAT to believe on the last part of my story. If i am cursed what can i do? Give him a phone call and threaten him? Try to find his address? Smash his temple up ? I dont wanna go to jail and destroy my life. I recently found my dream job and that gave some strength...
    (sigh)
    P.S
    IF there is a god, and IF divine justice goes like : gold-hearted guys get rejected and scumbags like abusive mucho jerks have the biggest success without effort, then all i have to say is that i am with the devil, since he is opposite of god, right ?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 5, 2020
    racc00n, Jul 7, 2019
    racc00n, Jul 7, 2019
    #40
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