After 3 years and two months, I am back in Boston

Last few days have been tough for my reboot
Too many urges and fantasies, too many cravings of getting back to my old life, like if it was paradise and not the hell it was
I started re reading the notes I have in my cell to read gen these urges get strong and before I enter “zombie mode”
I want to share some with you:

First Thought Wrong
Remind myself that my First Thoughts are usually wrong when I start the addicted process. Disrupting my addict's thought process might not work until I get to the Third or Fourth thought.
Most of my thoughts are recycled from earlier thoughts and are meaningless . The more I can quiet my mind and move to a state of conscious awareness , the more those thoughts will rush away
Maybe the thoughts will always be there but I will be the one in control of the situation, not them.
This is not who I AM, this is the story I TOLD myself and that my addicted brain wants me to continue to believe
I CAN TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND NOT LISTEN TO THE FIRST THOUGHT WRONG. After that I can ask myself: WHAT ELSE? And make a POSITIVE CHOICE

Handling Fantasies

The first issue is that fantasizing is probably the most practiced escape behavior, even more so than porn.
One of my biggest problems has always been fantasizing. Yes, I struggled with sexual fantasizing, but even more than that was my issue of fantasizing about being someone else, somewhere else


Ever since I was a kid I wanted to be a superhero. I think a large part of my penchant for self-development was driven by this desire, which I view as a good thing. A not-so-good thing, though, was how often I lived in my own mind. There, I could disconnect from whoever I truly was, and pretend that I was whatever kind of hero I wanted to be.

The problem with this was that it held me back from being a true hero in my day-to-day life. The hero I was in my mind always had an epic scenario that I could shine in, or some kind of ability/power that I didn’t actually have. In these daydreams I could impress anyone, be loved by all, and conquer all enemies.
Our thoughts dictate our emotions, and our emotions power our actions.
Luckily, the solution to fantasizing is simple (though it does require commitment and practice to pay off). All you need to do is tune into what is real around you.

If you notice your mind drifting off, just gently shift back and recenter on the present moment. You will need to consciously do this for a while in order for it to become second nature.

Another aspect is guilt, which has to do with something one did to someone, or something that one failed to do and should have done.

The question is : who you were then? No human can act beyond of his level of conscious at that time. You acted like the awareness was not there to act differently. Now the awareness is there , and the awareness is who you truly are.

How good can I stand it?
For one week ask yourself at least 25 times per day: "How good can I stand it"? And 25 times :" What is always true?"

You will be ensuring that you will have a better day, you are creating more "good" in your life
Your reward could be peace, joy and serenity

Stop being an automaton, see who you really are and make sure you are living your life in the now rather than in reaction to your story
My addict personality was looking for its own version of relief from Hurt, Anger, Loneliness and Tiresome ( HALT). Now it is time to move beyond that base-level thinking