After 21 Days..

Discussion in 'Reset and Relapse Reports' started by DashyRicky, Mar 15, 2019.

  1. DashyRicky

    DashyRicky Fapstronaut

    407
    338
    63
    I relapsed last night and used pmo as an escape as much as I don't like using the word "escape" it is the truth. I was lying in my bed just like any other day and had some urges to watch porn although at first I said "No!" But when I kept going through my phone and eventually came to a stage where I had nothing else left to do on it, my mind immediately jumped to porn and I watched it for like 5 minutes then again stopped, realised what I was doing but the damage was already done and a bit later after talking to my friend I again went to porn. The reason I said escape it's because I was going through a lot and just wanted to forget everything in the moment, I wanted to handle the pressure but also I didn't, so out of the two I fell and escaped for like 2 minutes. I didn't even wash myself just layed down and slept. I should have stopped myself, I could have, I must have. Though it is an improvement over my last streaks and I am not too sad but still.. one feels bad after going through so much. I will keep on improving and this time will surpass these 21 days and make it to 30.
     
    Chappo030891 likes this.
  2. bike-wrench

    bike-wrench Fapstronaut

    That suggests you need a different way of managing the pressure. What else could you have done? (And if you don't have a few alternatives, then your next homework is to develop some.)

    Do the next right thing.
     
    Chappo030891 and Randox like this.
  3. DashyRicky

    DashyRicky Fapstronaut

    407
    338
    63
    It was my meditation time but instead I turned to porn. So I had the alternative just I didn't push myself to it, my fault. The problem with me is that I have alternatives but there are certain times when I decide not to do them. So I need to develop the habit to consistently keep doing them. Thanks for the reply sir :)
     
  4. bike-wrench

    bike-wrench Fapstronaut

    The "deciding not to do them" suggests that your motivation isn't there. That's OK if you don't mind relapsing when the motivation fades (which it will do after a while if you don't renew it).

    It the relapses aren't an acceptable outcome for you, then you might want to consider ways to renew your motivation (even when you're not tempted; in fact, THAT is the time to renew motivation. It's too late to build a fortress when you're already under attack!). I usually suggest renewing the motivation at least once a day, but writing in a journal, or going over a list or something you've written, or something like that. Does this seem to fit? And of so, what can you think of to renew motivation?
     
    Chappo030891 and DashyRicky like this.
  5. DashyRicky

    DashyRicky Fapstronaut

    407
    338
    63
    @bike-wrench To renew my motivation, I need to have a purpose of doing this. I just get a bit lost in between and then start falling back into my old habits, ofcourse one doesn't necessarily has a good day everyday, there are some bad ones too but it's those bad days that get the better of me and I forget all those good days I had. I lose my purpose on those bad days, I just don't know why I am doing this. When I started this whole journey I wanted to be a better person that I am today than before but still not at my best. The relapses also don't hit me as hard as they used to don't know if that's a bad thing. I don't want to count the days but still I feel bad starting from the beginning. I feel like a hypocrite sometimes and all these things go through my mind, they are there but I rather choose to look to the other side. I want to have a purpose, a strong purpose, a why, why am I going through all this pain? Why I must? These are the questions that I keep on asking myself but with no particular answer. Earlier it was because I cared for someone but didn't get the same in return, I don't want to sound like I am complaining, it was not like a betrayal or something. Now I just don't get it that am I doing this for someone or myself? It's almost like I want someone to become my purpose of doing this.
     
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2019
  6. bike-wrench

    bike-wrench Fapstronaut

    It sounds like you have some thinking to do, and some decisions to make.
     
    DashyRicky likes this.
  7. DashyRicky

    DashyRicky Fapstronaut

    407
    338
    63
    You are right about that sir. I need to sit down and talk to myself about all this.
     
    bike-wrench likes this.

Share This Page