After 2 years of nofap , I have learned that loneliness is the cause of this addiction to me

I remember the first time I found out about nofap . When I found out about this community , about yourbrainonporn and everyhing related to this addiction , I was already on a 30 ish days streak . I was 17 and I had a crush . Those butterflies kept me away from porn , simply because I thought it was silly , it was disgusting me at that time. Sure , those butterflies never got to eat and eventually died , and since there I am struggling to fight with this . Longest streak was around 200 days . Best 200 days of my life . I have accomplished so much . Went from a 5/10 highschool student to being accepted at the top university of my country in 1 year . Went from 130 kg to 100 kg and alot of muscle . Went from being a depressed , anxious , porn-games-food addict to being a happy MAN . I'm still struggling with the addiction , in fact I have relapsed earlier today , but something hasn't changed : I'm still happy , all the good habbits are still there , I haven't skipped a day at the gym in months , I still cook healthy food every day , I still study and get good grades , I still focus on learning , I read book of entrepreneurs and listen to podcasts and watch videos about succes , I started some " businesses " , so on.

There is one thing that a relapse takes away , though : My abilty to connect with people . I get anxious around pretty women , I feel superior to other men , even to my friends .


And I know one thing : loneliness is the cause of me relapsing over and over again . Remember when I told you I'm happy ? Well I am . until I feel that need to share my happiness and there is no-one to share it with . I listen to like 6 genres of music , but I hate it so much when I find out an awesome song and there is no one to share it with . I just listen to it and dance and sing , but by myself . I have watched over 500 movies in my life , and over 20 TV series , but then again , I just hate it when there is no one to share them with . I hear a really good joke on a stand-up show ,same thing. I read a really good poem , I see a really nice quote , I find a very beautiful image of nature , you get the point. Every day I wake up alone , I go to the gym alone , come home and cook me some food , start doing some work , take a nap , go to university ,come back home , do some daily stuff , and go back to bed alone . It doesn't matter that I look good and feel happy , it doesn't matter that women actually like me and alot of time want to be around me , at the end of the day I'm lonely .

I tried aproaching women . I have defeated that hearth-rate spike , when you feel you can't breathe and you find 10000 excuses not to go and talk to her . I have been able to calm down and actually go to say hi . Then I find nothing else to say . I find like all the small talk si too " surface level " to me , it just feels too fake .


I have just made this account here in order to share this with you guys , maybe the feeling of loneliness won't be as hard tonight , as I get to atleast share my thougts.

 

Hey , don't worry man . I can't assure you that the loneliness will go away,but I can tell you you will find the motivation to lose that weight, you will start to feel confident and love yourself. Just give it time!