Advice Please

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by bebetter1312, Apr 18, 2019.

  1. bebetter1312

    bebetter1312 Fapstronaut

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    Im really trying for the first time to cut out pmo completely. One of the main things that has always held me back is that after a couple of days i really feel an urge to release and master-bate. People say try to use that energy in a positive way such as working out. But that doesnt get rid of that need for release. Im not sexually active right now and even if i was i am told that i should probably abstain from sexual activities right now. Any advice on how to deal with this?
     
  2. ComplexRiddle

    ComplexRiddle Fapstronaut

    Sorry man, I think you just have to buckle in and ride it out. You need to give your plumbing time to adjust to the change. I find it's helpful to make sure you're really busy. Less time to think, less time to fail.
     
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  3. bebetter1312

    bebetter1312 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the advice man, guess I’ll give it time. I’m on day 3 right now, I feel urges every now and then but for the most part I’m good. If the urge starts getting to much what would you normally do?
     
  4. ComplexRiddle

    ComplexRiddle Fapstronaut

    I have a few things that help me that you could try
    1. Go out somewhere social. It's not enough just to go out and mooch around ogling the girls. You need to be socially interacting with actual people. I find that loneliness and fear are both triggers, and hanging out with your mates helps with both. If you don't have many friends, try watching TV series, preferably funny, preferably people being social -Big Bang Theory does it for me. Also look at putting some long term plans in place to be more social, for me that's church and geeking out playing board games.
    2. Engage your front brain. Think about all the reasons it would be a terrible idea, not just repeating "I shouldn't " but look up that Ted talk, read the effects on the people around you in the partner support forum, try and turn on your reflective thinking self, and your empathy. Or simply walk away from it and invest your mental energy in something different .Learn something new. I'm in the middle of a PhD so I have a bit too much of this going on right now, but I'm also learning to code, but there are plenty of other options. Write a novel, anything really.
    3. I know a bunch of guys here do exercise, though I found that I am quite prone to ogling at the gym which is something I admit is both creepy and shameful. You could go for a run, take up open water swimming (no man on earth is going to feel randy in 7 degree water) This can also help if you're feeling depressed.
    4. Meditate / pray. I do contemplative prayer, a bunch of guys here do mindfulness meditation. Basically it helps you to focus on something else, and let the feeling subside. If fear, anger or anxiety is a trigger then this helps. Also cold showers help (and also, weirdly help with anxiety as well)

    It really depends on what your triggers are. The classic ones are Hungry Angry Lonely Tired (halt) but there are plenty more. Essentially you are probably using PMO to cushion a poor physical or emotional state - you need to find something else that's positive to replace it.

    Look at me with the wall of text. Hope it helps
     
  5. Pity

    Pity Fapstronaut

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    I refuse to assert with any certainty that I could provide assurance of to trust any more than an honest prayer to whom it may concern (even if this is your subconcious who is more aware if exactly what is best for you and will manifest accordingly when you open up like this in your mind and in your heart and with sincerity humbly ask for help and kneeling is good for this type of practice because it is foolish to prevent the help of a God who loves you whether you believe this yet in this way you can avoid offending Him and benefit without investing your whole life into a belief system which is no higher priviliged ranking status than one asking admittedly at a loss for the answers.
    .
    My experience
    Everything in moderation and priortize by importantance and give your time to what is most deserving like it sucks to realize your next door neighbor killed himself without a friend in the world and no wife and in the suicide note he also confessed guilt and self loathing stemming from his chronic pmo habit he knows keeps hin trapped from any hope of finding a family but he cannot break the cycle and another few decades of growing feebler and enjoying less is looking grim...
    Now if you only knew your neighbor you would have redirected this and been a friend and if you know you never had time to say hi to your neighbor and thought you arent hurting anyone and giving your time to private pleasure you might appropriate less time for it. And not to neglect higher purposes for your life just the way you are. You have an inestimable value. So also you may want to care for it.
    My experience
    If you just 'take care of yourself' and disregard this for as much as it means there is little more to consider than there is to figure out how to or interpret the results or success in regards to reaching your goal and so on... see how rediculous it can become? Avoidbporn always. Your equipment and and hands will almost take care of your 'release' without your involvement, i mean ive woken up heavily into it when thinking i wouldnt and thought it harder of a problem. In fact the only real problem I believe is giving yourself to something unworthy to excess and spending too much time jacking off could be rude to anyone who loves you including yourself... that applies to any hobbie or activity and there is no problem hidden in masturbating as it naturally occurs and I know of no one who was condemned or went insane from it.
    But pmo is a beast and a living lust that without a soul weildna will to poossess the life of a man and has a real plan to take possession of his person and job and family and when it takes everything still it is endearing and he will not hate it although he saw what it did and he cannot give an account for his life or recommend someone of his essential decency or human rights based upon a human's value...
    See that one? Thats the one to really watch out for! NO PORN. it is not a game. It is not harmless. It is treacherous and claiming everyone and everything it can.
    .
    Release. Thats over. One minute. Right? no evil porn at any time.
    Make a plan for your life to have a purpose and a meaning you are proud to represent and provide yourself a future you will feel good about and work towards the goals you must accomplish every day and do not be pursuaded off your path to happiness. And you will reach your goals and there will be no one to blame.
    .
    So when you are oriented in life and secure in the important choices and you know what your doing and you will also understand how things belong in their place and everything and theres no going over all the infinite implications and details but I hope I have offered enough possibilities of perspectives to illuminate the room and surroundings for you to see and on your own find the wealth of brotherhood here and of course the answers you are looking for and peace with reality and peace of mind and harmony with everything.
     
  6. Vman363

    Vman363 Fapstronaut

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    What helps me is when I am no-fapping and get the urges I focus my thoughts intensely on the fact that if I masturbate, immediatelly after ejaculating I will feel like I gained NOTHING from doing it but LOST a good streak. And the longer the streak, the more you loose. Put this though into your head and when you feel the need to masturbate, really focus on that thought. I also have a page of paper on my wall where I mark the days of my nofap progress - that helps me remember of the streak I will LOOSE if I fap and how useless I WILL feel after I PMO. This helps me, maybe it will help you too.
     
  7. marioa

    marioa Fapstronaut

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    Look buddy, you gotta find some kinda activity that takes most of your time. It does not matter what it is. What does matter though it some kinda activity that is very engaging and interesting to you. And here I'm not saying it should be a physical activity nope. It could be mentally engaging. Maybe you love cooking then start working towards becoming the best chef in the world. I'm not kidding. You can seriously become anyone you wan to be because you have power that you are currently using in PMO instead of orienting it towards your dreams. This is step number one if you really want to quit. The reason why you started PMO in the first place is because something is missing in your life - just as me I'm not exception - you gotta fill this void and PMO actually widens this void and even causes it.

    Moreover, if you have no passion or interest then I would recommend checking out this app called "Reborn", it has a list of "Alternatives to Porn" you might "al least" fill your schedule up with them.
    https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=reborn.ma.com
    Also remember that you've got to try different ways to quit. If one does not work try another till you find the recipe that works for you :)
     

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