Advice from SO’s?

I agree. Full disclosure, although quite shocking in some ways, was a huge step in us moving forward.

 

Yup, exactly. The damage to our physique/self-esteem has been growing on us every day for years, it's apart of us forever. It might get better over time, I really hope so at least lol but it may never go away.

Exactly.

Sorry that it may not really be helpful though.

 

I wanted to add that without his full disclosure we could not have gotten as far as we have right now. He is very serious in his recovery, which has helped me a lot because I'm not being re-traumatized over and over (for a while he had a tough time and would relapse often). But my betrayal trauma has yet to really be addressed by him. It has been acknowledged with an apology and then glossed over. It may not ever be addressed further. That's fine. If it does or it doesn't, I'll work on me in the meantime. I'm just glad he's working on him and we are moving forward together.

 

Yup, precisely!

But that still has little to no effect on how I (we all) feel about our self-esteem/damage done to that aspect of ourselves, in regards to the original question of the post - which is difficult to explain LOL sorry @CowardlyLion.

Somehow, mine addressed it but ONLY because he watched those Help Her Heal videos early, if not for them - I don't think we'd be where we are right now.

 

Mine watched them and ... I don't know exactly. He started them once and didn't finish and then very recently went back watched them both in their entirety without me asking him to. I think he's still absorbing them.

 

I understand

Well, I actually brought up your thread to my husband last night during our chat. I wanted to get his take on it, I don't know if he will add his voice on here himself later on but, he said:

"All I can do is keep working on my recovery and making sure I'm doing right by you if I can keep being honest and continue putting you before anything else - maybe that will help repair how you feel about yourself/how you think I see you". - @Wade W. Wilson

 

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said your wife wants to be beautiful to you. We are not asking to feel like we are the most beautiful person in the world, just the most beautiful person in the world to you, and that does not rely solely on physical beauty. I know in my situation with my ex no matter how much he told me I was beautiful I did not believe him. I did not believe him becuase he still chose to look at other women and PMO over being with me. So I think your words must match up with your actions. If your words have not matched up with your actions for so long, it’s going to take a very long time to get her to believe you. And everytime you slip up it’s like starting from zero again.

 

I very much relate to this hope4healing... I was "built up" by him, but got completely knocked down by his PMO... and I can't stand the thought of him saying "Good morning beautiful", which is something he did EVERY morning. My self esteem is at an all-time low and I feel uglier than I have ever felt in my life and nothing HE says can help that because if won't feel genuine. I need to find my own beauty I guess.

 

Yes, I relate. It's so personal. I HATE when I hear... "this porn addiction has nothing to do with you".... HOW?
HOW does it not? I don't get it? Oh, they just needed it to get "numb" from stressed of life or old emotional wounds... well, it IS a personal attack on how we SO's measured up... I cannot accept that I was good enough... especially when it's a known fact that porn makes a PA less attracted to their SO's... explain THAT!! hmmm. sounds like we SO's were not as attractive as porn... and that means it DOES have something to do with us not being good enough sexually, physically.