Hello everybody, I've been thinking a lot since I've joined this community, about my MO addiction and its reasons. In my opinion, addictions don't just come out of the blue, they are, in most cases, only the tip of the iceberg, a symptom caused by some deeper rooted problem. At least for me, that is very much the case. For those who don't have the time to read my journal: I was addicted to masturbation long before I had access to porn, so my problem doesn't concern porn so much as masturbation itself. I started masturbating because it felt good. I continued because felt lonely and thought I couldn't get a girlfriend. And I'm still doing it because I got a girlfriend (later wife) before addressing the issues with my personality. I've come to the conclusion that my MO addiction, my anxieties, my lack of self esteem, the fact that my wife doesn't want to sleep with me, and the general way she treats me are all sort of connected to each other. It's pretty clear that my wife isn't attracted to me any more, but she herself isn't aware of that. Women are into self-confident, assertive guys. It's my theory that self-esteem is an even more important factor in a man's attractiveness than his looks, but that they perceived it only on a sub-conscious level. So if a man is a wussy, she won't be attracted to him, no matter what qualities he has otherwise, but she won't know why. My wife probably learned pretty quickly that I'd put up with however she treats me, and that I'd do whatever it took to please her. Meanwhile she probably has lost any respect for me, which makes me sexually unattractive for her. All of this happens on a subconscious level for her, so from her perspective, she just doesn't feel like having sex any more, while in reality it's my personality that fails to "push her buttons". I'm convinced she still loves me, but she probably loves me more like you love a pet dog than like you love a husband. It could also be that she deliberately chose an insecure man like me as a partner, because she can be a pretty dominant person herself. If I'd stand up for myself more, we'd probably do nothing but fight. Anyhow, as I said in a different thread, the main reason why I want to quit MO is that I'm ashamed of myself for doing it because it's a childish behavior. However, as long as the actual issues in our marriage (which are the real cause of my addiction) remain unaddressed, the fact that I don't have a sex life won't change. So, if I quit MO, I'll be left with no kind of sexual relief. This means that in order to save my marriage, I'd not only have to quit MO but also somehow get a grip on my personality issues. Otherwise I'd accomplish nothing. My question for the community is: How do you address the underlying problems that are cause to your addiction? What is the cause for your addiction and what do you do to get rid of it? Or do you mainly address the addiction itself and hope that getting out of it will give you enough strength to solve the actual underlying issue? I've read some posts and journals here of people who are in the same situation I was in when I was single: Insecure, shy, and having a hard time talking to women or getting a date. What do you plan to do about this? Or are you convinced that, once you've overcome your PMO habits, you will become self-confident enough to overcome that problem as well? I look forward to reading you opinions!