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A year on hard mode, was it worth it?

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Son of Arathorn, Mar 23, 2019.

Page 2 of 6

Mar 25, 2019 #21

Son of Arathorn Fapstronaut

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Tryingto said: ↑

Thank you very much for this reply. Like you, I see myself with a limited range of options:

1. Pmo / hookers / affairs - As the first has not worked out well for me, I see this as a disaster waiting to happen. History suggests my acting out will only escalate - with frightening consequences. As for hookers / affairs, during the 'not interested' conversation, my wife actually gave me the 'okay' to look outside our marriage for sex. While I thought about acting on this a lot, I haven't. Why? Because as a recovering addict, I honestly see this leading nowhere fast.

2. Leave my wife - I do think about this, but arrive back at 'No' again and again. Again, why? Because underneath all my struggles with this situation, I love her, love our family, and appreciate what our life is together.

3. Accept my fate - Having typed out the above, I do see that this is where I end up. And I do believe - and know from limited experience - the power that comes with acceptance. And, honestly, this is one of my main objectives in recovery: to embody a life of humility and acceptance. But there is part of me that freaks out - 'What!?!? Never?!?!' and, to be honest, part of me that feels embarrassed and shamed by my situation. Like it reflects something awfully wrong with me.

Reading this before hitting 'Post', it seems pretty apparent that there is some real exploration waiting with regard all of these points / options - particularly 3. If is acceptance is truly what I aspire to (and I believe this attitude is key in recovery), then...

Thanks again for taking the time.

One day at a time...
Click to expand...

Thanks for this. We are clearly in a similar situation.

My thought process goes like this:

1. The past is the past. If I truly love my wife then I also accept our lives are entwined until one of us leaves this mortal coil. My confidence in her is such that I know she feels this way about me.
2. Affairs outside the marriage is not something that could make me happy. I know this about myself. Paying for sex is as bad as pmo. It just isn't happening.
3. Change in life is inevitable. I accept this. I see change every day I look at myself in the mirror.
4. If change is inevitable, it is better to embrace it rather than run from it. Accept the change, accept the fact that life's goal posts are moving, and adapt to make my life as good as it can be, given the constraints I put on myself.

Key for me is the realisation that I am choosing celibacy. I will make my celibacy something I can celebrate.

Last edited: Mar 25, 2019

Son of Arathorn, Mar 25, 2019

Son of Arathorn, Mar 25, 2019

#21

Saskia Simone, Deleted Account and Lastgreenseer like this.
Mar 25, 2019 #22

LakeMichigan Fapstronaut

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Congratulations on achieving a remarkable milestone of 365 days!

LakeMichigan, Mar 25, 2019

LakeMichigan, Mar 25, 2019

#22

Professor Abraham likes this.
Mar 25, 2019 #23

Son of Arathorn Fapstronaut

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LakeMichigan said: ↑

Congratulations on achieving a remarkable milestone of 365 days!
Click to expand...

Thanks for this @LakeMichigan.

Son of Arathorn, Mar 25, 2019

Son of Arathorn, Mar 25, 2019

#23
Mar 25, 2019 #24

hardmodehero Fapstronaut

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thank you for sharing

hardmodehero, Mar 25, 2019

hardmodehero, Mar 25, 2019

#24

Professor Abraham likes this.
Mar 26, 2019 #25

Son of Arathorn Fapstronaut

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hardmodehero said: ↑

thank you for sharing
Click to expand...

And thank you for reading!

Son of Arathorn, Mar 26, 2019

Son of Arathorn, Mar 26, 2019

#25
Mar 26, 2019 #26

control your life Distinguished Fapstronaut

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Congrats on 1 year ...nice read and inspiring post ....thank you!

control your life, Mar 26, 2019

control your life, Mar 26, 2019

#26

Deleted Account and Professor Abraham like this.
Mar 26, 2019 #27

Son of Arathorn Fapstronaut

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control your life said: ↑

Congrats on 1 year ...nice read and inspiring post ....thank you!
Click to expand...

Thanks for reading.

Son of Arathorn, Mar 26, 2019

Son of Arathorn, Mar 26, 2019

#27

control your life likes this.
Mar 28, 2019 #28

ace1234 Fapstronaut

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Thanks for sharing your story. Yours is more gut wrenching than the single 20 year olds who post here (Im one of em)

Im pretty sure my step dad uses porn, but he thinks its 'natural ' even though hes a complete ass and has horrible marriage. My mother is quite broken and I know they dont have sex. Just a sad state of affairs.

Im glad I haven't married because I know if I cant handle this first, I would not be worthy of my future love. I dont want to bring kids into a world of addiction and hurt.

ace1234, Mar 28, 2019

ace1234, Mar 28, 2019

#28

Saskia Simone, Tankus, Lastgreenseer and 3 others like this.
Mar 28, 2019 #29

Son of Arathorn Fapstronaut

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ace1234 said: ↑

Thanks for sharing your story. Yours is more gut wrenching than the single 20 year olds who post here (Im one of em)

Im pretty sure my step dad uses porn, but he thinks its 'natural ' even though hes a complete ass and has horrible marriage. My mother is quite broken and I know they dont have sex. Just a sad state of affairs.

Im glad I haven't married because I know if I cant handle this first, I would not be worthy of my future love. I dont want to bring kids into a world of addiction and hurt.
Click to expand...

Yes. There are an awful lot of unhappy marriages. Alas, pmo addiction is about as natural as shooting up heroin. Thanks for the reply.

Son of Arathorn, Mar 28, 2019

Son of Arathorn, Mar 28, 2019

#29

GottaBFree, Saskia Simone and Deleted Account like this.
Mar 28, 2019 #30

Asim Siddiqui Fapstronaut

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Mr. Tumnus said: ↑

Hard mode isn't for everyone, I understand this. I'm a married guy, I used to have a normal married life. Normal that is except that I was a porn hound. My wife knew I used porn, but we never really talked about it. Once it did come up, and it caused a nasty row - so nasty that it could have been a marriage ender. I have incredible guilt over the pain I must have caused her.
What a twat.

She used to have a healthy sex drive, but I was such a porn hound that I couldn't really avail of it. It was me that was 'too tired' not my wife. Yea, too tired from wanking off to pixels on an I-pad? Right.
What a fucking prick.

Fast forward a few years and the boots on the other foot. My wife has had an early menopause. I still remember the day she calmly said to me one night:

"I don't want sex anymore".

"What never?", I said.

"Yes, never. I'm just not interested", she replied.

I felt like slashing my wrists. I felt like my life was over. You never know what you got until it's gone.
What a bloody waste.

So where did all this get me? Where did years of porn abuse get me? Well this is where it got me:

It got me running up to bed early so I could wank off before she came to bed,
It got me asking her to toss me off on holiday, thinking this was normal,
It got me running down early in the morning for a quick jerk in the kitchen,
It got me longing for her to leave the house so I could get off on porn for half an hour,
It got me beating my meat into oblivion and looking up escorts as a hobby,
It got me almost - thank fuck ALMOST - even actually going to an escort,

It got me being a slimy little sex-starved shit, who couldn't look himself in the mirror without spitting at his own reflection.

Yes, folks, that's where PMO got me.

+++++

Then a miracle happened, I discovered NoFap. I discovered I wasn't alone. That other guys cried themselves to sleep over this terrible addiction too. Other guys wanted to break free.

So I broke free.

One year ago (almost, I write on day 363), I said to myself enough is enough.
I read many threads on this site. Two especially had a massive effect on my future, the threads of @kropo82 and @John McClean if I am being honest.

I came up with a plan - and stuck to it. I became a man. At 51, I finally became a man. My porn life is now, as far as I am concerned, history. The benefits of a life free of pmo are innumerable. They are legion. Even in my wildest dreams I would never think my life could improve so much. The undead existence I had before is nothing compared to my life now. Nothing.

I am NEVER going back to that pmo hell-hole.

Anyone can do what I did. Anyone.

If you are reading this and you are addicted to pmo, I tell you this:

"Anyone and everyone should and can be free. You just have to believe. You just have to turn your back on your own personal hell hole: one day at a time."
Click to expand...

Happy for you.

Asim Siddiqui, Mar 28, 2019

Asim Siddiqui, Mar 28, 2019

#30

Professor Abraham likes this.
Mar 28, 2019 #31

Son of Arathorn Fapstronaut

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Asim Siddiqui said: ↑

H

Happy for you.
Click to expand...

Thanks.

Son of Arathorn, Mar 28, 2019

Son of Arathorn, Mar 28, 2019

#31
Apr 11, 2019 #32

Lastgreenseer Fapstronaut

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Mr. Tumnus said: ↑

So where did all this get me? Where did years of porn abuse get me? Well this is where it got me:

It got me running up to bed early so I could wank off before she came to bed,
It got me asking her to toss me off on holiday, thinking this was normal,
It got me running down early in the morning for a quick jerk in the kitchen,
It got me longing for her to leave the house so I could get off on porn for half an hour,
Click to expand...

Congratulations on being PMO free for over a year now. The things you did in the past were my common things, going to bed earlier, waking earlier, wishing she’d leave the house, etc.... all so I could PMO.

Thanks for the encouragement that it can be done.

Lastgreenseer, Apr 11, 2019

Lastgreenseer, Apr 11, 2019

#32

Professor Abraham, Freeddom_Taker and Deleted Account like this.
Apr 11, 2019 #33

TheMan333 Fapstronaut

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Mr. Tumnus said: ↑

Hard mode isn't for everyone, I understand this. I'm a married guy, I used to have a normal married life. Normal that is except that I was a porn hound. My wife knew I used porn, but we never really talked about it. Once it did come up, and it caused a nasty row - so nasty that it could have been a marriage ender. I have incredible guilt over the pain I must have caused her.
What a twat.

She used to have a healthy sex drive, but I was such a porn hound that I couldn't really avail of it. It was me that was 'too tired' not my wife. Yea, too tired from wanking off to pixels on an I-pad? Right.
What a fucking prick.

Fast forward a few years and the boots on the other foot. My wife has had an early menopause. I still remember the day she calmly said to me one night:

"I don't want sex anymore".

"What never?", I said.

"Yes, never. I'm just not interested", she replied.

I felt like slashing my wrists. I felt like my life was over. You never know what you got until it's gone.
What a bloody waste.

So where did all this get me? Where did years of porn abuse get me? Well this is where it got me:

It got me running up to bed early so I could wank off before she came to bed,
It got me asking her to toss me off on holiday, thinking this was normal,
It got me running down early in the morning for a quick jerk in the kitchen,
It got me longing for her to leave the house so I could get off on porn for half an hour,
It got me beating my meat into oblivion and looking up escorts as a hobby,
It got me almost - thank fuck ALMOST - even actually going to an escort,

It got me being a slimy little sex-starved shit, who couldn't look himself in the mirror without spitting at his own reflection.

Yes, folks, that's where PMO got me.

+++++

Then a miracle happened, I discovered NoFap. I discovered I wasn't alone. That other guys cried themselves to sleep over this terrible addiction too. Other guys wanted to break free.

So I broke free.

One year ago (almost, I write on day 363), I said to myself enough is enough.
I read many threads on this site. Two especially had a massive effect on my future, the threads of @kropo82 and @John McClean if I am being honest.

I came up with a plan - and stuck to it. I became a man. At 51, I finally became a man. My porn life is now, as far as I am concerned, history. The benefits of a life free of pmo are innumerable. They are legion. Even in my wildest dreams I would never think my life could improve so much. The undead existence I had before is nothing compared to my life now. Nothing.

I am NEVER going back to that pmo hell-hole.

Anyone can do what I did. Anyone.

If you are reading this and you are addicted to pmo, I tell you this:

"Anyone and everyone should and can be free. You just have to believe. You just have to turn your back on your own personal hell hole: one day at a time."
Click to expand...

So epic!!!

TheMan333, Apr 11, 2019

TheMan333, Apr 11, 2019

#33

Professor Abraham likes this.
Apr 11, 2019 #34

Salvo Fapstronaut

45

45

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Mr. Tumnus said: ↑

Hard mode isn't for everyone, I understand this. I'm a married guy, I used to have a normal married life. Normal that is except that I was a porn hound. My wife knew I used porn, but we never really talked about it. Once it did come up, and it caused a nasty row - so nasty that it could have been a marriage ender. I have incredible guilt over the pain I must have caused her.
What a twat.

She used to have a healthy sex drive, but I was such a porn hound that I couldn't really avail of it. It was me that was 'too tired' not my wife. Yea, too tired from wanking off to pixels on an I-pad? Right.
What a fucking prick.

Fast forward a few years and the boots on the other foot. My wife has had an early menopause. I still remember the day she calmly said to me one night:

"I don't want sex anymore".

"What never?", I said.

"Yes, never. I'm just not interested", she replied.

I felt like slashing my wrists. I felt like my life was over. You never know what you got until it's gone.
What a bloody waste.

So where did all this get me? Where did years of porn abuse get me? Well this is where it got me:

It got me running up to bed early so I could wank off before she came to bed,
It got me asking her to toss me off on holiday, thinking this was normal,
It got me running down early in the morning for a quick jerk in the kitchen,
It got me longing for her to leave the house so I could get off on porn for half an hour,
It got me beating my meat into oblivion and looking up escorts as a hobby,
It got me almost - thank fuck ALMOST - even actually going to an escort,

It got me being a slimy little sex-starved shit, who couldn't look himself in the mirror without spitting at his own reflection.

Yes, folks, that's where PMO got me.

+++++

Then a miracle happened, I discovered NoFap. I discovered I wasn't alone. That other guys cried themselves to sleep over this terrible addiction too. Other guys wanted to break free.

So I broke free.

One year ago (almost, I write on day 363), I said to myself enough is enough.
I read many threads on this site. Two especially had a massive effect on my future, the threads of @kropo82 and @John McClean if I am being honest.

I came up with a plan - and stuck to it. I became a man. At 51, I finally became a man. My porn life is now, as far as I am concerned, history. The benefits of a life free of pmo are innumerable. They are legion. Even in my wildest dreams I would never think my life could improve so much. The undead existence I had before is nothing compared to my life now. Nothing.

I am NEVER going back to that pmo hell-hole.

Anyone can do what I did. Anyone.

If you are reading this and you are addicted to pmo, I tell you this:

"Anyone and everyone should and can be free. You just have to believe. You just have to turn your back on your own personal hell hole: one day at a time."
Click to expand...

Man this post is legend, Well done

Salvo, Apr 11, 2019

Salvo, Apr 11, 2019

#34

Deleted Account and Professor Abraham like this.
Apr 11, 2019 #35

Son of Arathorn Fapstronaut

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Lastgreenseer said: ↑

Congratulations on being PMO free for over a year now. The things you did in the past were my common things, going to bed earlier, waking earlier, wishing she’d leave the house, etc.... all so I could PMO.

Thanks for the encouragement that it can be done.
Click to expand...

TheMan333 said: ↑

So epic!!!
Click to expand...

Salvo said: ↑

Man this post is legend, Well done
Click to expand...

Many thanks all for your support and reading my story.

We can all beat this terrible addiction. If I can do it, anyone can.

By helping each other, we help ourselves.

Onwards...

Son of Arathorn, Apr 11, 2019

Son of Arathorn, Apr 11, 2019

#35

Vitoriosa, Lastgreenseer and justafriend like this.
Apr 16, 2019 #36

Tryingto Fapstronaut

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Mr. Tumnus said: ↑

Do I love my life as a truly celibate man? The answer is yes.
Click to expand...

Three weeks-plus since reading your post and acknowledging my marriage / life without sex, @Mr. Tumnus and where am I? It's a complex and long-term reply, of course. But today I re-read the passage above and - before I could wail in protest - thought, 'Yeah, I could see that...'

To be continued...

Tryingto, Apr 16, 2019

Tryingto, Apr 16, 2019

#36

Professor Abraham likes this.
Apr 16, 2019 #37

Trying_to_Quit1 Fapstronaut

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Congratulations on your year! I hope at some point I can say that as well.

Trying_to_Quit1, Apr 16, 2019

Trying_to_Quit1, Apr 16, 2019

#37

Professor Abraham likes this.
Apr 17, 2019 #38

Son of Arathorn Fapstronaut

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Tryingto said: ↑

Three weeks-plus since reading your post and acknowledging my marriage / life without sex, @Mr. Tumnus and where am I? It's a complex and long-term reply, of course. But today I re-read the passage above and - before I could wail in protest - thought, 'Yeah, I could see that...'

To be continued...
Click to expand...

It is a slow process of changing perspective. I think we should not be afraid of change, and also seek to see the good things in whatever position we find ourselves in.

Last edited: Apr 17, 2019

Son of Arathorn, Apr 17, 2019

Son of Arathorn, Apr 17, 2019

#38

Tryingto likes this.
Apr 17, 2019 #39

Son of Arathorn Fapstronaut

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Trying_to_Quit1 said: ↑

Congratulations on your year! I hope at some point I can say that as well.
Click to expand...

Thanks. We can all break free from this addiction, whatever our circumstances.

Son of Arathorn, Apr 17, 2019

Son of Arathorn, Apr 17, 2019

#39

Trying_to_Quit1 likes this.
Apr 17, 2019 #40

Deleted Account Guest

Sir i want to know one thing, is there any time that out of fantasy or arousing thoughts you got erection for like 30-40 minutes. Every time you try to suppress thought it again come and as a result erection.
What to do with such erections ... Like talking to a girl and she tries to talk sexual stuff and as a result the erection hard for long time. Is that a relapse. If not what to do with it

Deleted Account, Apr 17, 2019

Deleted Account, Apr 17, 2019

#40

Professor Abraham likes this.

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