A year on hard mode, was it worth it?

Hard mode isn't for everyone, I understand this. I'm a married guy, I used to have a normal married life. Normal that is except that I was a porn hound. My wife knew I used porn, but we never really talked about it. Once it did come up, and it caused a nasty row - so nasty that it could have been a marriage ender. I have incredible guilt over the pain I must have caused her.
What a twat.

She used to have a healthy sex drive, but I was such a porn hound that I couldn't really avail of it. It was me that was 'too tired' not my wife. Yea, too tired from wanking off to pixels on an I-pad? Right.
What a fucking prick.

Fast forward a few years and the boots on the other foot. My wife has had an early menopause. I still remember the day she calmly said to me one night:

"I don't want sex anymore".

"What never?", I said.

"Yes, never. I'm just not interested", she replied.

I felt like slashing my wrists. I felt like my life was over. You never know what you got until it's gone.
What a bloody waste.

So where did all this get me? Where did years of porn abuse get me? Well this is where it got me:

It got me running up to bed early so I could wank off before she came to bed,
It got me asking her to toss me off on holiday, thinking this was normal,
It got me running down early in the morning for a quick jerk in the kitchen,
It got me longing for her to leave the house so I could get off on porn for half an hour,
It got me beating my meat into oblivion and looking up escorts as a hobby,
It got me almost - thank fuck ALMOST - even actually going to an escort,

It got me being a slimy little sex-starved shit, who couldn't look himself in the mirror without spitting at his own reflection.

Yes, folks, that's where PMO got me.

+++++

Then a miracle happened, I discovered NoFap. I discovered I wasn't alone. That other guys cried themselves to sleep over this terrible addiction too. Other guys wanted to break free.

So I broke free.

One year ago (almost, I write on day 363), I said to myself enough is enough.
I read many threads on this site. Two especially had a massive effect on my future, the threads of @kropo82 and @John McClean if I am being honest.

I came up with a plan - and stuck to it. I became a man. At 51, I finally became a man. My porn life is now, as far as I am concerned, history. The benefits of a life free of pmo are innumerable. They are legion. Even in my wildest dreams I would never think my life could improve so much. The undead existence I had before is nothing compared to my life now. Nothing.

I am NEVER going back to that pmo hell-hole.

Anyone can do what I did. Anyone.

If you are reading this and you are addicted to pmo, I tell you this:

"Anyone and everyone should and can be free. You just have to believe. You just have to turn your back on your own personal hell hole: one day at a time."

 

Thanks my friend.

 

And, thanks for your great comment.

 

The plan I use, I call the 'hunter gatherer' mode, you can find full details in my thread 'becoming Bruce Lee...its monk mode or bust'
in the 40+ section.

What has changed? Simple answer: everything.

1. I have confidence like never before.
2. I am at peace like never before.
3. I love the world like never before.
4. My mind is as alert and powerful like never before.
5. I am happy like never before!

I can go on. Damn, I feel good!

Thanks.

 

Many thanks.

 

And thank you for reading @SirErnest .

 

Many thanks @CrisReis22, you can do this too! Anyone can. You can see from my story I was a serious addict. Porn is just a massive waste of anyones potential. Kick porn out - for good.

 

Thanks @afrobeacon. You can do it!

 

Now's the time @28yrsold. You can see from my story I was in a very difficult place for a long time. Change IS possible.

 

Well, I have to look at it rationally. I have three choices:
1. Pmo/hookers/affairs, 2. Leave my wife, 3. Accept my fate, and realise I decided to commit to my wife for life when I married her and that I do not want to be with anyone else.

1. Is not happening, for reasons I know almost anyone reading this will identify with; it is the easy option but also the path of utter despair;
2. Is the option many men take. However this is not acceptible to me as I genuinely am in love with my wife;
3. Is what I am left with. This isn't forced on me, it is a choice. Philosophically, I have come to terms with it. I adopt an altruistic personal philosophy, I try to see the benefits of my situation. I know now that I can completely control my sexual urges using diet and exercise. I am an optimist: I am loving getting super fit and super healthy. Do I love my life as a truly celibate man? The answer is yes.

Hope this helps.