A Woman Born

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by CanadianBlue, Aug 8, 2016.

  1. CanadianBlue

    CanadianBlue Fapstronaut

    Hi ladies

    I've been lurking for a long time.

    I'm an older woman. I'm part of the generation that didn't have access to high speed internet porn. Porn was limited in my youth to magazines and the occasional VHS/Beta tape that a teenager would find in father's hiding place. Don't misunderstand, my generation had its own unique problems with pornography even though it wasn't as accessible and it wasn't as violent.

    Pornography has always involved male sexual violence against women, the domination/submission theme. However, it was a bit less blatantly violent back then. I remember teen boys talking about how great Hustler was. The violence was more explicit in H and Flynt had no qualms about telling his male audience that women were literally MEAT to be ground up and destroyed/consumed.

    Many women of my generation cannot believe what today's younger women are experiencing. Some of us feel like we failed you because we didn't step in. Some of us did try to step in and stop this from happening, to no avail. The porn industry is probably one of the largest industries in the world. Women all over the world are still trying to fight back. I suppose I am one of them. I've seen the damage and destruction this industry causes in my own life and the lives of other women and girls. I'm very pointed in my words when I talk about what happens to females because of this industry. The reason is because I think it needs to be said very plainly. I hope I can inspire other women to open up since it was reading some of your stories that I finally opened up.

    I'm also here because I'm a woman who was, like many of you, involved with a man who cheated on me with porn. The emotional absence was the hardest to bear. There's a physical body of your partner but he is psychologically somewhere else. There is a lack of intimacy both emotional and sexual. When he gets home from work he does everything quickly so he can escape to his 'office' where he closes the door on you and you are completely alone.

    After we were married for a few months I realized he had a serious problem and knew never to have a child with him. I made absolutely sure never to have kids with him. I can only imagine what hell that would've been like, especially if I had a daughter.

    I've read many of your stories dealing with spouses who were just like mine. I left my spouse and never looked back. It was the best decision I ever made. While I miss the man I met in college, I do not miss the man I left. It took a few years for me to adjust and it was financially very hard but once I tasted that independence I was thrilled to be own my own, with no ball and chain. You're literally sleeping with a man who isn't there but you're pulling his weight too. Gosh, I know that all too well.

    Some of you have already gotten a response from me about your spouses and the troubles you're having. I will freely admit that my position is to set clear rules and clear consequences and to always follow through. I don't know if that's a generational thing or if it's part of my personality. Probably both.

    I look forward to speaking with you and reading more of your stories.
  2. 70DegreesNorth

    70DegreesNorth Fapstronaut

    It's really interesting to hear the stories and opinions of ppl who grew up pre-internet porn. I grew up somewhere in the middle, didn't get high speed internet until I was a late teen so avoided a lot of what kids today are dealing with in their early years.

    I never saw porn as a bad thing, as long as the parties involved with consenting adults. I had no issue watching it myself, with my partner or him watching it alone. There was weeks I was overseas early in the relationship and we would send each other links to new porn that we found and really liked.

    I am starting to realize now some of the effects orgasming to porn has on the brain (and just orgasming in general) which is why I'm trying to quit. I guess no matter what our story the thing we all have in common is our desire to get control of our lives again and undo the damage done. I'm so sorry that an addition like that let to the break up of your marriage. I hope you find healing here.

    M.asdf likes this.
  3. MsPants

    MsPants Guest

    I agree with you that porn has completely turned violent. Even the most "vanilla" stuff has a rough and violent tone to it. It is disturbing. It is even more disturbing that our global society has become desensitized to it. I didn't see (most) porn in moderation, as a huge problem until after finding out about my SOs addiction. Now my eyes are open and realize that I too was desensitized by the how sexualized women and girls have been viewed in the world.

    I am fearful this world view will affect my teenage daughter. I told her about my SOs addiction, not everything of course, but my goal was to open her eyes to how destructive porn is, and to help her become aware of how women and girls are viewed and treated, and also to show her that we deserve respect and love and that we are not just sexual things to be used and abused. I want better for her. Especially now that she has a boyfriend. All social media portrays girls as sexual and now the obsession of taking "selfies" is all about looking provocative. It is scary. Even the clothing that is mass produced is sexualized. I can't seem to find even a bra for my daughter without some sort of push-up cushion built into it. All shorts and dresses have become more and more revealing, all to be put on display for men. It is not easy for young girls/women to grow up in this society without being desensitized by the sexualized standards of today.
    oreogirl likes this.
  4. oreogirl

    oreogirl Fapstronaut

    I grew up pre internet P also, I was a teenager when the first vcr really became available, and video stores started to emerge. I worked at a video store when I was 19, and it had a back room. I remembering townspeople picketing to shut it down and town meetings about it. I knew all the people in town who rented P, it was like I was invisible, or they would have the guy working check them out, I remember a minister who would rent movies by the bag ful, always requested a bag, then would stand on the pulpit and damn women for dressing provocatively and terrorizing men (I didn't go to that church but I heard). I have never, before or since, had a lower opinion of a person, it was like living in an afterschool special. But I also loved going in that rooms to put movies away, and I liked going in when guys were back there, and they would be red faced and embarrassed and leave, I didn't have a problem with people watching porn back then, but I hated the lying, deciet and double standard of it all, it was hard to take in as a young adult.
    P has gotten more violent, and certainly more misogynistic, very dismissive of women, seen as nothing but a bunch of holes.
    I don't think all people who watch porn are fundamentally bad people, becasue then I would have to say I am a bad person, but it is very harmful to a persons soul, sobriety is the only answer, addicts have to get into recovery, and do the research about how they have been manipulated by a billion dollar industry to be weak and ineffectual. I read my P over the years, and even through that I can see the harmful effects the stories have had on how I see the world and sex, and adding the visual stimulation is crazy. I feel scared for this monster we have created - how will it all end?
    oversexedsami and MsPants like this.
  5. Dendrite

    Dendrite Fapstronaut

    And it's getting worse. Just last week, Cannes in France made some kind of regulation that disallows "burkini" swimsuits from being worn, because they show some "terrorist" sympathies according to the cuckoo officials there!! So if you go to that beach, it's either that you wear revealing swimwear, or you don't go at all. Of course men can wear what they want. But women must wear things that men can ogle at, and this is their "secular" standard. How disgusting! As if a woman going for a day at the beach can't make the free choice to wear something a bit more modest, for any damned reason that she chooses to! As if non-religious women must demonstrate it by showing skin! And that is even excluding the casual racism of the whole thing.

    It sometimes seems to me that some men will take any excuse to keep women sexualized, including exploiting terrorist attacks that kill many innocents. Sick.
    MsPants likes this.
  6. over_ITT

    over_ITT Guest

    Just the past 10 years it's gotten so bad... You used to have to seek out and purchase in a store the sick stuff. Now sick is normal.

    Learned that obesity started becoming an issue in the developed world when refrigerators became standard home appliances in the 50's. More access to calories, no self control. And then came fast food. I think most of the world is guzzling sugar water and chasing it with starched lard. Porn is the Standard American Diet only with sexuality.
  7. Teuthtobetold1

    Teuthtobetold1 Fapstronaut

    I understand your opinion but you definitely cant put all the blames on all men, i am one of the victims of porn and the hypersexualize society as well, i am suffering, as so do other men and women out there who are addicted to porn. Those men who view women as sexual objects all started with porn and because of constant exposure to porn has their idea of women and sex warped in a twisted way. There are some women who have their idea of sex and men warped as well. So its the exposure to porn and social media sexualize everything that make men and women suffer.
  8. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

    Young man, how long do you think this playing the "victim" card is going to work for you? It doesn't matter whose fault it is. It matters only how you respond to the challenge. You have a choice. Nobody here will argue what contributes to your addiction. You decide for yourself that it is a problem, and you proceed to address it accordingly.
  9. Leon de Dios

    Leon de Dios New Fapstronaut

    hi, first of all sorry for my limited english, i'm from argentina,i want to say that i think the man is not playing the"victim" card, because i noticed that most of men and women fell in the trap of porn like i did, and the degradation of the women is something that the bloody industry of porn insist in promoting and i don't know why, but i don't buy it
  10. Min

    Min Fapstronaut

    I found this post rather interesting, but I'm gonna leave my comment on women's in porn too, with respect of course.

    As a man, I have grown up in a family that women were the leaders. My mother, my grandmother and even my great grandmother. Men masculinity were still praised but also respected by women's leadership and decision making. Now that being said, men's body is built to have more sexual desire and tone to be both procreative and protective of children and women, this is how we used to live thousands of years ago in the wilderness. We didn't have modern medicine back then, we had to make load of babies till some of them survived. Nowadays, since the studies in emotions and psychological are more advanced marketeers know exactly what to aim at that'd trigger the "desire" in us for their products. Both for men and women but different approaches of course. It's not their fault either, there's competition and they need to survive too. Whether it's porn industry, music or any other. I.e. Nowadays celebrities promoting their big booty in advertising as it gather more followers for them. Correct education is an enigma nowadays cause the mixed opinions on education, what's more important to educate children or anyone getting familiar on how they can use their own intuition correctly and not fall into the trap. We don't know what will happen in future but teaching what they should use toward their advantages.

    As my mother said, disapproval isn't going to be the solution but more like drinking poison and expect your enemy to die. PORN isn't overall bad, porn been around since we were living in caves. There drawing of large breasts on the caves' walls from thousands of years ago and they just discovered a stone dildo from 10000 years ago too, it's been around in ages, it's part of us anyway. If we use, how we use it correctly. If you easily get addicted, then better find a way for yourself. And thanks to guys here who made this website for those having these problems and to overcome it. Now women being degraded or anything in porn it's up to you to decide what porn you're watching, there lots of categories you can decide. For example, you're over-eating and recovering from that, and now saying eating is bad, don't eat anymore. I know people who watch porn once in awhile and aren't addicted and they have healthy sexual lifestyle too. Your own intuition matters the most!
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2018
  11. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

    Are you seriously coming onto a website designed to help people who are afflicted with pornography and sexual addiction and promoting this diatribe? The analogy of "...drinking poison and expecting the other person to die..." is in reference to "resentment". Has nothing to do with "disapproval". "...large breasts on cave walls..." and a "...10000 year old dildo..." only serves as a reminder of how much we were damned neanderthals. If we even had a frontal cortex then, it wasn't much of one. If this is your words of wisdom, please, just don't. There will never be a situation where watching pornography for an addict is a good thing. Never!
    oreogirl and ClaudeDuval like this.
  12. Min

    Min Fapstronaut

    Wow! @GhostWriter A 57 year old man that has commented on almost all posts in Women In Reboot section of this sub and acting like a priest here.

    Member since Mar 15th 2018 and has made over 1300 comments since then.

    This seems very weird, just a warning to everyone in this sub and no where says you're a mod here.
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2018
  13. ClaudeDuval

    ClaudeDuval Fapstronaut

    Hes not playing the victim, men are victims of pornography addiction as well. It hurts everyone... Women might view a man who views them as a sexual object as a "pig" or something but they need to realize hes being manipulating by porn and is a victim of the brainwashing.
    Ginny Weasley likes this.
  14. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

    Your point? Let me save you the trouble Son. I also comment on:
    • Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions
    • Problematic Sexual Behavior
    • Rebooting in a Relationship
    • Rebooting in a Relationship - Partner Support
    • and Yes, Women in Reboot
    I only started posting in "Women in Reboot" because I was sick and tired and nauseated at the overwhelming numbers of young addicted men, like you, praying on them, offering advice if you can call it that based largely on total ignorance of the addiction, and being just down right creepy addicts (because that's what addicts do). I am constantly in contact and working with @Kenzi & @AnonymousAnnaXOXO when engaging women plagued by this addiction. And having spent time in "Sex Camp" where we had peers, fellow patients, who were female, I think I have a much better picture, understanding, and grasp of the dynamics surrounding their addiction than you do. I have the knowledge, the experience, and the education, and I'd say that puts me in a much better position to help them than you.

    I don't like what you are trying to imply worth a shit. So, go ahead and post your WARNING son. I even put it BOLD RED so you can't fucking miss it. In my "addicted state", I'd been genuinely pissed off at your implication. As it stands, I can only sit back and laugh at you for it. The very fact you felt threatened enough to respond in this manner doesn't say shit about me. But it does speak volumes about you.

    Have a nice day!
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2018
  15. Min

    Min Fapstronaut

    I'm so glad you're here Mr. Nice Guy! You're the protector of women from online words, Guardian Angel! Thank god they have you, I just don't know what they'd do without you. I mean it's not like they can't help each other, that'd be weird.

    I'm also glad you responded with your true color now! Calling everyone "down right creepy addicts" who are trying to overcome their addiction. You're right! You are a professional helper! It's nice that you're talking about who you are without linking to your actual identity, now don't be shy, you're a professional, right? Take credit for your hard work.

    I just stated the facts from your profile, there no implication (I don't think you know that word), even in this website that was built to help people there's still threats. You've made 1300+ in period of 5 months, I don't see mods make that much effort themselves. But I don't know maybe you have couple other accounts to pretend to be woman too, who knows, you do obviously.

    Anyway, I'm sorry for reveling your profile details. You can go take your blue pill and rub that frustration out. Also before you do, have you done your prostate exam? Someone your age must do that frequently, if you need some hemorrhoid cream let me know, I'll ship you some since your butt seems to be hurting.

    Bye bye!
  16. Ginny Weasley

    Ginny Weasley Fapstronaut

    I do agree with that to a point but there is still responsibility and conquences from most of their actions whether they truly meant it or not, for example if someone is sloshed and they commit a crime while under the influence they’re still held accountable regardless.

    While I have no intention of a fight, I have to say calling someone out for playing the “victim game” when all they merely said was to not put all the blame on men, is just a downright bloody daft and arsemongering thing to say... What a way for him to shift the blame. lol
    [email protected] likes this.

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