A whole lot of ups and downs.

I recognized my porn addiction about a year ago.

I started checking out NoFap in January.

I had my longest streak in February. 19 days no PMO, but I did have sex on the second day, and started looking at P-subs pretty regularly towards the end of the streak, without masturbating.

I also started seeing a therapist around March, and going to SLAA meetings around April or May.

I haven't been on this boards much lately. It's been a really weird ride. Sometimes I'll have a good streak for a while, sometimes I have binged frequently. Sometimes I'll have mild masturbation and/or porn use for a week or two, and then binge real bad. Sometimes everything seems to be going OK, and then I almost feel like I am disassociating, and I go to the porn even though I don't really want to. It just feels inevitable.

I've also been battling depression and artistic block. I've had some weird stuff happen in my personal life. Romantic troubles.

I got sick of the SLAA meetings, but I think they helped for a while. I have recently grown frustrated with therapy, and I'm taking a little break from it, but I plan to go back to it next month.

Over the summer, I started to experience pretty bad shoulder and wrist pain from masturbating too vigorously, and for too long.

This week, I had my first undeniable case of full blown PEID. I could get it up, but not for very long. Previously, this only happened if I had been drinking, or if I was wearing a condom. But now my death grip has gotten so bad, and my head so clouded, I did not perform nearly as well as I wanted to.

I think I'm going to start posting here again more. I also should seek an accountability partner.