A true sad experience for a Chinese!

Hey,guys.I feel lucky to meet you all guys here.Before my story,I need to tell you several points.

1.I am a 24-year-old adult from China.I have lived in a small city in China since I was born.And my English I learned is all from my English class.Thus maybe I will make some mistakes in grammer or usage of some words.Hope you guys won't mind.

2.What I share here is 100% true.And in China,we are not allowed to visit google ,facebook,or other websites out of China including Nofap.I come here through VPN.

The story mainly began when I was a kid . I had seen several adult videos that were for my uncles when I was a kid,which was the evil seed.And it erupted in a summer vacation when I was 13,I happened to get a piece of newspaper where I saw a very pornographic ad with a girl picture with big tits.There was a phone number on the picture .And I even call the number secretly. I automatically felt very excited and erected.Then I started to masturbate.And that was my first masturbation,I don't know why I could do that for no one told me how to do,but I did it.Since then,every thing was unstoppable.I could even masturbate even 3 to 4 times a day.And I was very eager for the adult videos at that time.For a 13-year-old boy,it’s not allowed to enter any Internet cafes in China unless you are 18.But I could enter those illegal ones.I didn’t dare to watch the films during the day time.So I got up very early on weekend and wanted to be the first customer keeping myself in the corner.Every time when I opened the website,I was nervous and my heart beat very fast because I was afraid of being seen by others.That was my first stage.

And my second stage was in my boarding school time.In China,13 years old means that you need to be a middle school student.My family sent me to a boarding school in a countryside in a mountain area.My nightmare started its show,I kept masturbating everyday.In the freshman year,my grades were always the top 10 in school.I felt very happy every day,I enjoyed staying with my classmates and having the classes.But the symptoms of masturbation appeared.

There were many whelks appearing on my faces,I felt very disappointed , I could not study.I began to have problems getting along with my mates.I closed my self off.My grades dropped sharply,and I didn’t like to talk to anyone.And I got OCD.......I even started to take the mental pills.I had many white hairs although I was only 14.I felt very painful and wanted to finish myself.But I didn’t dare to do that.In my high school ,the evil habits went on.Finally, my high school time was the worst time in my life.I had nothing at all.No friends ,no grades and no happiness.I was struggling to get rid of these things that suddenly came to my life and destroyed the peace

Finally,I entered a bad college.I used to struggle to go out of the mud,but in the college,I got to give up.I accepted that I was a loser in my whole life.But one day in the college I found a Chinese forum about quitting masturbation.After reading many passages did I realize that it was masturbation that robbed everything off me!I tried to quit but I have not yet.I have tried to quit it for several years.But until now I am still in it.I have lost my job and I am preparing for a test.I hope I can get myself back this time!