A Success Story of Sorts

After a year of both extended periods of activity and lapses here at Nofap I have a success story of sorts to report.

The essence of my recovery from addiction was a disconnect from thinking more time here was better. Yes, the more I lapsed from Nofap, the less I lapsed from not fapping!! Theoretically, you would think that the more time spent here, the better right? But the exact converse worked out for me in practice. Here is my reason why that might be so.

The obvious problem with coming to this site too often is that fapping takes center place in our mind. What may be required for a lot of people is a distraction from fapping, where, believe it or not, we come to forget about the topic of fapping altogether. This takes a practical approach to the problem rather than a theoretical one. Actually, i think this focus on the theory is a huge part of the problem. The self has disconnected itself from the passions to the point where they wage war on each-other.

Addicts need to take practical measures to re-create a healthy unified self. If an addict can not control himself... the self itself must be changed. Until that happens, everything else may be futile.

What stops most from changing their self? I'd suggest, in a word, ego!

 

With most vices we identify the problem in excess. The solution, or the path to the solution, then lies in moderation. If part of the problem for addicts is having their addiction held before them center stage 24/ 7 then part of the solution will involve reducing this exposure. With this is mind, try visiting this site only once or twice a week, and distract yourself with other activities, or just life, with the time you have gained.

 

Thanks for the thought. Yes, there seems to be different blueprints for different people. Perhaps the more you have going on in your life, the less time you are going to spend here anyway. I think there are many that visit this site daily, and would find it difficult to refrain for a week, as you appear to be able to do so. Personally, I find visiting this site daily a lot easier now that the urge seems more controlled... no, should I say weakened. All the best~~

 

Thanks for the thoughts Choosingbetter. The way it worked for me was a 'three-pronged approach' [tm^^].

1] Education. Visit this site daily, learn as much as you can. Understand it at the rational level.
2] Development. Go away, work on yourself, pursue worthier hobbies/ interests, develop better tastes, develop your inner life
3] Discipline. With the back of the addiction now broken, come back and polish the beast off once and all with the discipline/ community this site offers.

Of course these three stages are not so clearly demarcated... more like three strands of an intertwined rope. But the focus on each specific strand changes as you develop towards becoming an ex-addict.

All the best~~

Day 34

 

Sure, but it helps to remain wary of the dynamic of 'group think'... or of identifying yourself as a victim.. or as an addict [you have an addiction, you are not necessarily an addict for life.. it can be broken]. This can lead to an endless cycle of use.

Virtue lies in moderation.

 

1 and 2 act like a 'pincer movement' on addiction. It is a 'double whammy', whereby you exert self-control whilst seeing the desire for P eroded due to pleasure taken in worthier pursuits.

 

Yes, it was like the little boy who was fascinated with the game of tennis, who sat in a shed with a book he'd found on all the rules of tennis, and its greats! Day on day, he sat there reading... and never went out onto the court to actually learn the skill of playing.

I mean, there is a crash course to learn for sure, but then you just got to go and develop other skills in your life. That way, sapping the strength of the addiction [by taking pleasure in alternative activities] doubles up with a rational resolve against it. I am sure the math geeks could work out an algorithm here. In relative terms, your rational resolve becomes exponentially stronger when the addiction is weakened. And then a virtuous feedback loop occurs where the addiction just shrivels up and dies.

A new motto? Sap fap!

 

Yes, if you are at the first educational phase, you need as much support as you can get here. But once educated, you need to start making some progress, i.e. weaning yourself off the site and making your way in the world, rebuilding your life etc. Then come back again to share your progress. It all depends where you are in the process.

 

Thanks for the thoughts @choosingbetter. As for moderation, it lies in the virtue not in the vice... that is, in your frequenting this site, and of course dependent on your particular stage of recovery. The vice is to be eradicated [there is no room for moderate use of anything inherently vicious]. Any form of excess, from the 'golden mean' point of view, such as puritanical zeal, is to be discouraged.

 

I know a lot of time P addiction is compared to alcoholism, and there are parallels to be drawn insofar as they are both addictions. However, when we look at P use and having a quiet drink, the parallel seems to break down. I am not looking at it from the addict's perspective here, but from the general point of view. They seem to be different in kind; where one is inherently bad, the other doesn't look shady at all - on the contrary, it looks beneficial.

I guess what I'm saying is that only the recovering P addict, like the recovering alcoholic, is going to have a zero tolerance policy toward these things these days. But from the non-addicts perspective things look differently. It depends on your moral values here, and maybe there is a reason why any use of P is considered inherently vicious for some... such as myself. It is only the fanatical Puritan who has the same opinion about alcohol.

 

People often confuse the doctrine of moderation, or the 'golden mean' as applicable to vice. This is a mistake as the doctrine is referring to virtue. Why is that? Have we lost sight of virtue?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_mean_(philosophy)