A question for those not in hard mode and have partners

Before I was married I used to think that too. Just get married, have sex whenever you want. Done deal. Problem solved. However the problem is not solved as must be clear by so many guys here that are married and still struggling.

P and married sex are two entirely different things I'm afraid. P involves ideal (or sometimes extreme) body types, any variation you want, endless variety and is absolutely "on demand".

Married (or committed) sex is none of these things. Partner sex involves waiting, courtesy, giving space, allowance for different levels of arousal, patience, tolerance, limiting yourself to what the other wants and when and where and how, taking your time, romance, forgiveness, sensitivity - I could go on. That's why I say that only partner sex is "sex" - P isn't sex at all - it's just copulating like animals.

P is as close to the real thing as watching The Shining is from someone who has really gone mad, in your house, with an axe, breaking down the door, about to chop you into bits that would go through the letter box. Not so nice. What P wants to do is chop you into bits whereas real sex is bonding and loving and sharing and growing.

Much nicer believe me.

Hope that makes sense.

 

P addiction isn't solved by marriage. Not in the slightest. You aren't addicted to orgasms, you are addicted to the dopamine rush that P gives you. I agree with all madrileno said.

 

This thread hit me hard. Like @Saserman, I also believed that having actual sex is the key to get rid of PMO. But now I finally understand that PMO, and having sex with your wife are totally different experiences.

 

Yes but much better to know that now than be bewildered and disillusioned when the time comes ... In any case you want to be a healthy guy for your partner and free from things that distort your view of yourself and what physical intimacy is like.

 

Im not married at all and I never had sex. But I can imagine that the difference is the following. You do PMO when you HAVE to do it, when you feel an urge, when youre not longer able to decide. In contrary you have married sex when you WANT to have it and when your partner also wants to have it. In the first case you are addicted to something and couldnt go without it. In the second case you have to accept that it would be damaging if you charged sex whenever you felt an urge. Sex then becomes a nice addition to your normal life and stops being something youre forced to do. Some may manage then to see orgasm as gift, for others it remains a compulsion. The secondly mentioned have to go round by doing PMO, if they dont want to rape their partner.