A Normal Adiction to overcome?

softwareGuy · Sep 18, 2017

Hi,

First of all, let me express how thankful I am for finding a forum with so many people going through the same problem I am! I honestly thought I was alone, I don't have many friends outside of work, and hold quite a senior position within my company so cant really discuss this at work!

My story, Pretty standard really, i am 30 years old and from an early age had access to pornography through my computer, Masturbation and porn viewing was a release for me, and weirdly.. a kind of Hobby? i enjoyed checking my Fav amateur communities for new media uploaded, downloading and collecting it.

when I was around 18 I met a girl (who latter became my wife) and she hated and became cross at my use of porn, this actually reduced my viewing of it quite a bit however we broke up when i was around 20 for about 3-4 years, during this time my porn viewing grew to 2-3 "sessions a day" and I felt nothing was wrong with it, i was a young single man not hurting anyone!

We latter got back together, and had 2 children, got married and then had another! however this time around, she turned a blind eye to my porn use... she knew i was viewing it and didn't really care.. I think this was because our sex life was never really... super active, she has a low Libido so we had sex maybe 1-2 times a month something increasing to 5-6 times one in a while... this used to cause lots of arguments but recently i have i guess come to terms with it! We love each other very much and i love my family, that is more important then "sex"..

however it did make me think/feel i needed to "relieve myself" as i tended to get quite sexually frustrated and keep trying to initiate sex, which resulted in her getting pissed of at me.

so that was the reason I used porn, and how i "got away with it"..

Now my problem with it, and the reason I am here: My addiction is getting worst, i think about it quite a lot of the time, if i see a pretty actress on a film i am watching i will quickly google to see if she has ever appeared nude, or had nude photos leaked, and the soft-core porn which used to arouse me as a teenage doesn't even turn me on anymore, so i am looking for harder porn (Legal, don't worry!!)

when my wife works evenings i will sort the kids out ready for bed and be excited when they go up as i will have 2 hours to look at porn! this always ends in depression and regret after wasting 2 hours i could be learning something, doing a hobby, or catching up on TV shows I love!

So on 14/09/17 I took my first step, I deleted my entire porn collection and vowed never to look at porn again!

however I am struggling! as i write this, my kids are in bed asleep and my wife is at work... I don't know what to-do with myself, writing this post and viewing other peoples stories are helping!

Do i just stay strong? and it gets easier?
what do I do about masturbation? i have some photos of my wife which i have not deleted, however they will soon become dull if "overused"

Thanks for reading, any advice is appreciated, and sorry for such a long post!

Flyhigh · Sep 18, 2017

Glad you already take the first move.

Got to Overcome · Sep 18, 2017

Hey, I definitely know what you're going through. Sitting in front of a filter-less computer with no one around is tough, no question about it.

Because that's the case, it might be advisable to install filters and accountability software. Filters aren't perfect, as content can still be found and there are ways around them, but at the very least, they'll give you some extra time to stop and think about what you're doing and whether this is truly what is best. Accountability software is great if you have a couple of accountability partners who will receive reports of your Internet usage (including periods of time when you've uninstalled the software). If you don't have any real-life accountability partners, online ones can be found on this site in the Accountability Partners subforum.

For real-life ones, I'd recommend attending an SA meeting. You should be able to find one in your area. Even if you discover you don't really like attending them, you could still make friends with a few people who you could then plan weekly meetings with at a local coffee shop or whatever.

Besides that, I think it's great to write out lists of the benefits of abstaining from PMO and the negative effects of continued indulgence in it. These can be written out side by side and placed above your computer. Forcing yourself to read through it at least once during urges may be enough to stop you.

Exercise is great. Any form will work, but for it to be most effective, goals need to be set. Don't just go out for a run, but create a long-term goal (Ex. Run 10K in 45 minutes by March of 2018). Then decide what you'll have to achieve both on a monthly and weekly basis in order to reach your long-term goal. Write this out in a place where you'll frequently see it and include all the activities you must both implement and avoid in order to achieve your goal (reduce cigarette consumption from 10 per day to three per day, stop drinking alcohol to the point of drunkenness, begin meditating/praying, eat processed foods on only one day per week, begin drinking water and herbal teas in place of soda, etc.).

It's great that you deleted your entire porn collection. That's definitely a positive step. Continue to take any steps you feel will help you overcome pornography, and you'll soon be in a much better place. The longer you abstain from pornography, the easier it will be, but unfortunately, you'll always have to be careful. I've found that no matter how long I've gone without, continued vigilance is of great importance, as falling back into it will always be an option for us.

But it sounds like you're making some good choices now, so I'm sure that if you continue to do so, everything is going to be fine.

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A Normal Adiction to overcome?

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