A New Beginning

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by Newgirl, Aug 27, 2018.

  1. Newgirl

    Newgirl Fapstronaut

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    This is day 25 of my MO detox. I'm so happy that I haven't relapsed. My previous streak was 14 days not that long ago. Urges come and go but today they just sneaked up on me out of nowhere. I was going into panic mode but I quickly regained control cos stress is a big trigger for me. I just said to myself: it's ok this is normal just don't make a big deal out of it. My body had gotten used to getting release through MO and that's why the urge just came out of nowhere. I noticed that since I didn't panic the M thoughts quickly went away. I'm not a weak person for having urges. I know I can do without MO I don't need a meaningless O by myself. It only makes me feel empty and desperately craving for a relationship. Which is so dangerous cos I noticed that when I was into doing the deed I felt attracted to almost anyone. I began falling for guys I would have never considered back when I was sober. Wow, I feel like I had something great before that I just didn't know how to value. "Good judgment"
     
  2. Minsc

    Minsc Fapstronaut

    I'm not weak for having urges, I'll have to remember that.

    Awesome to hear you are well past your previous streak.
     
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  3. Newgirl

    Newgirl Fapstronaut

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  4. TheManDude

    TheManDude Fapstronaut

    Dealing with a lot of stuff becomes complicated with NoFap, mainly because PMO or MO it's used to get away from reality so I get exactly what you're talking about.

    Good to see you can hold back thenurges and congratulations on your streak, well done!
     
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  5. Newgirl

    Newgirl Fapstronaut

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    It's very hard but this time I'm allowing God to help me. Thx!
     
  6. Maltheal

    Maltheal Fapstronaut

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    You’re soo right PMO leaves you feeling empty and drained. Also it makes you feeling so desperate to have a relationship only when you’re so desperate you lower your standards and attract the wrong crowd. We have to fight this and keep our standards.
    Your ideas are so inspiring keep it up.
    Stay safe and strong.
     
  7. Shawn1090

    Shawn1090 Fapstronaut

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    Believe in urself.Do some exercise and reading.Urges or m is temporary pleasure.Spend some time with ur family...
     
  8. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    Hi Newgirl! Welcome to the journaling section. You're doing amazing for getting to 28 days (since I'm responding at thursday) and for being strong!

    And you're right, PMO does get us to stop thinking clearly about things like relationships, but coming here is great for helping us see who is good for the relationship and who isn't.

    As for the urges, you're doing a great job with driving then away. It usually takes a little more effort from me since I feel like I need to analyze every thought to the last statement, but I'm getting better.

    I can't wait to see how well you're progressing!
     
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  9. Newgirl

    Newgirl Fapstronaut

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    So true we can't compromise on our standards.
     
  10. Newgirl

    Newgirl Fapstronaut

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    Thx!
     
  11. Newgirl

    Newgirl Fapstronaut

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    Thank you! I'm the same way I tend to over analyze things and that only causes confusion. I'm glad you're getting better at it.
     
  12. Newgirl

    Newgirl Fapstronaut

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    I'm trying so hard to not go back to my wrong thinking patterns. It's in my mind that the problem starts its there where I allowed and entertained unhealthy and obsessive sexual thoughts. Now I'm being extra careful about what I think, see and read. Cuz I know that if I don't stop it at its source I'm going to mess up my progress. I have to constantly remind myself how aweful I feel after I give in. How I wish I hadn't done it. It's now been 27 days they have not been perfect days but they are taking me closer to where I want to be. Yes, most days have been filled with weakness and temptation but it doesn't matter cuz I know I'll soon reap the benefits and learn to live a disciplined life, which I see as liberating. My body won't be in charge anymore. God and I will be for a change.
     
  13. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    It sounds like you're hanging in strong, even if you're just hanging on. It's good to see you're seeing the end goal to keep you going.

    Have you noticed how your body naturally reacts to urges versus how it deals with energy. The majority of the time urges come from your body having energy, and since it has experienced PMO it wants to get rid of it the fastest way possible, thus making you feel like you need PMO to get it out.

    So an easy way to find out the difference of an urge to a genuine energy surge is by noting how your body reacts to the sexual urges you may have. If it's a real urge, you'll know what to do to handle it, and if it's an energy surge, you can get rid of it by exercise or dancing!

    Good luck!
     
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  14. Newgirl

    Newgirl Fapstronaut

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    Thx! @Solomon435 Yeah, at times I feel like I'm just hanging on. I'm actually trying to be more physically active and that does help. A roller coaster of emotions but mostly optimistic since I'm almost making it to 30 days!!! The high numbers are a huge motivation
     
  15. Newgirl

    Newgirl Fapstronaut

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    Day 28 :p

    Almost 30! It has been hard but so worth it. I now feel less self-conscious when I'm around people. I'm still kinda shy but I feel better about myself. When I was still into M I tended to be so disconnected from my surroundings. I would constantly find myself thinking while in class about sex and masturbation facts I had read online. I did it to deal with the stress I felt especially if I didn't like the class I was in. This semester which just began I'm fully present in class at least for most of it. I'm not allowing myself to go back to those thoughts. It feels so liberating. I still feel somewhat tempted at times but I quickly remember how stupid and lonely I felt after doing the deed. It was such a waste of time I would repeatedly allow myself to get intoxicated on crap and the emotional hangover was too much for me to handle. I would constantly promise myself not to do it again but I did do it so many more times. It got to the point where I felt so hopeless. I just felt I had to write this so if or when I really get tempted again I can read this and stop myself. I feel so happy to be able to share my personal struggle with people who understand me and who wont shame me for my mistakes.
     
  16. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    Good job with your progress. Yeah, I used to do that in class a lot, though mostly out of staying awake or boredom. And we're happy to listen to your struggles, it's good for you. Be as personal as you feel comfortable with, it's easier to let go of any damaging thoughts rather than keeping them in. All the best!
     
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  17. Newgirl

    Newgirl Fapstronaut

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    Thanks @Solomon435 I really needed to let it all out for quite sometime. I tried to reach out to some older people but they just didn't want to deal with it which made me feel worse about myself. I wanted to tell someone mostly my mom but I knew that was out of the question so I was imploding emotionally. Until I found this community it's like God placed it in my path so I can stay commited to my reboot.
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2018
  18. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    No problem, we've all got stuff we need to get out and this place is perfect to do that.
     
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  19. Newgirl

    Newgirl Fapstronaut

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    After 50 days into my reboot I gave in to M and relapsed. I so much hate having to post about it but I have to come clean so others can learn from my experience. I have been under so much pressure and stress but this in no way excuses or justifies my bad behavior. I got careless and did what I already know is a pointless and humiliating activity that creates a vicious cycle. I have never watched porn but I still consider it a negative and foolish activity even when it's not paired with porn. It leaves me feeling empty, used, sad, lonely, immature, selfish, embarrassed and chained. It makes me crave a man's touch like crazy which makes me vulnerable to dangerous situations with guys. I'm sorry I did it because it hurts my reboot journey and it sets a bad example for those who read my posts. I want out of this for my own sake but also to be able to encourage others through my progress. I know not all is lost I have to forgive myself so I can get up and continue my journey but I wish I hadn't done it. I do feel happy that I was able to stay clean for 50 days which had not happened before I joined NoFap. This site has been so encouraging and supportive. I do find some posts to be triggering material but I know I have to be careful. I have to be way more careful from now on because it is liberating to not be involved in M activities. I have to be stronger against fantasies which are time wasting thoughts that weaken my resolve. I'll try being more positive even though I'm going through hell at home I cannot let it get to me so much as to make me want to escape reality through M. Masturbation you've taken enough of my time I'm done with you I don't need you, you're just a lie that steals my happiness! From now on I'll see myself as strong and free. I'll picture myself in control and with a healthy mindset and sexuality. I know God loves me and wants the best for me I just can't settle for less anymore. I deserve real love not counterfeit intimacy with my own self. Starting today I'm a new person a masterpiece in progress. Hope someone can benefit from reading about my mistakes.
     
  20. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    Amen! We need to stay strong with all the chaos going on around us. You've become very strong with your progress. Even though your counter says you're at 0, your body doesn't go back on the healing so easily.

    You're not a bad example if you are determined to learn and grow. Keep going forward on your journey.

    All the best!
     
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