A letter to past-self [See what I've become]

Dear past-self,
I am writing to you to let you know that you can no longer have hope. No matter how much you want to believe, how much you crave, how deeply willing you are – the hope is gone. But there is something far more than that and I want you to know it’s name, as it is growing inside you.

Well, a lot of time has passed and from the point you are now there is a clear view of what you will achieve. But I am pretty sure you cannot see it now. More, I know that you cannot see it. I see you struggling down there to reach the top, so uncertain, grinding your way. And you know what? I am proud of you. I am proud that though you know nothing about your future you keep going. You don’t know what will happen to you, you don’t know what obstacles you will have to overcome, finally – you don’t know if you will ever make it.

Yet I see you going. I see you wake up every morning, do your duties, do everything you can to make your dream come true. I see how exhausted you are, how you are sleeping each time you enter a bus, how your head hangs low because of the countless hits. I see how you crawl out of bed each morning, how you wash your face, how you unconsciously look in the mirror. And yet I see you going.

There are and there will be times of doubt. Times when dark clouds will cover your horizon and your eyes will go dull. But in that times I see you holding a torch made of your will, an unfading flame of your desire and I know you won’t lose your path.

Others will help you, or others will sink you, but you are like a bird – you don’t care. A bird sits on a tree and sings each day. One will say: „I love you bird for singing this song for me. Thank you for enriching my life.” and other will say: „I hate you bird! You wake me up each morning and I can’t sleep because of you!”. He will throw a rock at a bird, but the bird will dodge it and keep singing. And you are like that bird – you wake up each day to sing your song, no matter if they like it or not.

And you will ask me: „Will I ever be there?” I will answer: „I don’t know brother.”

But what I know is that you cannot hope you will be there, because in that way you will not make it. I want you to open your heart for the possibilities, I want you to believe in yourself and I want you not to hope, but to have faith. When you truly put faith in what you do, when you deeply believe it, the faith becomes reality and your hands become a God’s hands. Have faith my friend, open your eyes and see what I’ve become!
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My main goal is to live a fulfilling life. However shallow it may seem, it is what is important for me. I don't want to be caught inside todays society wanting to earn huge money, to drive fast cars and fuck nice bitches. My goal is not to be average, but to fly few centimeters beyond the pavement. Also I will be a writer one day, as it is the way I had chosen to spread the joy of life - this is my vision. After I will be gone, I will start living. Have a wondeful day and don't hesitate - your dreams are there to grab!

 

Thank you friends. This letter was written for me, but to be honest - even more for you. A writer seeks nothing but reaction, either good or bad. I'm glad to know that the reading helped you in any way, as that is always my goal. Have a wonderful day and remember - you have read it for a reason. You may not know it now, but the seed is inside you and it will grow... When it finally bloosom I ask just for one thing: think positively about me and pass further the joy of life.