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A group for Recovering married PA’s with 7+ months of Sobriety

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by RecoveringLion, Oct 23, 2018.

  1. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    I'm on the fence about this. So often in my 'reboot' support and insight has come from people with far shorter streaks than me. Sometimes it's the newbies or the repeat-relapsers who bring the wisdom I need. There's a quote from the British Quaker Advices and Queries about this
     
    Trappist likes this.
  2. @kropo82
    I agree we develop experience as is done in journals, which is not available to all as the journals are and I get so much from the SO journals which mirror PAs like me.

    I’m sponsoring two unmarried kids half my age now. I see resistance, self deception and difficulty that is trying for sobriety.
     
  3. Last edited: Nov 11, 2018
    kropo82 likes this.
  4. I’ve asked a staff member from the SO group for her experience and a moderator for a link to read more.

    One question is do we keep a public thread open to contain links and public shares helpful to all and also keep the ‘members only link for particular problems?

    Remember, you can’t delete you posts there unless I delete the whole thing, if I start it, I think. Base this on deleted my journal once.
     
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2018
  5. Healed!

    Healed! Fapstronaut

    I am definitely interested. Married for 45 years. Approaching one year with no PM but definitely still need the support. Haven’t really seen a therapist (unless 40 years ago counts). I have made disclosure to my spouse but not in great depth. She just knows I’ve had real issues with P and consider myself addicted. Prior to me coming here, we had at least three D-days. She’s aware I’m on NoFap and other boundaries I’ve put in place and I keep her updated about progress. I have accountability to about three other guys in person and comment regularly on other journals. I’m looking for support as I move into year two.
     
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2018
    Deleted Account and Trappist like this.
  6. There is a cream for that.
     
    NF4L and Healed! like this.
  7. Gentle PAs,

    So here is a page I can edit for the proposed group.
    Kindly make kind suggestions...
    and I can make them on this page.

    @kropo82 has a point about keeping in a general group thread for all to contribute.
    I lean heavily on the SOs experience.
    Perhaps a particular thread in Rebooting in Relationships to hang things in public from this group?
    Or just have a thread for this topic. Having said that, there is this:

    Group Name: Married PAs with time in recovery

    Motto: To intimacy and beyond.

    Description: This group is for currently married/committed Porn Addicts in recovery groups or therapy with time in recovery.
    • Where do you go after being on NoFap for 6 or 7 months of no PM, or after 60 to 90 day hard mode no PMO?
    • A good place to post questions that might trigger a spouse or ask for support as you work your program;
    • Sharing recovery methods, post helpful links and help others live in consultation.
    • Inclusive of those 12 step programs as well as other methods.
    • Ask embarrassing questions.
    Rules:
    • General forum rules apply with group
    • Group managers can enforce General Forum rules and civility.
    • A group conscience can vote changes and act on disruptions.
    • Slips must reset your counter, but once you are in you can stay.
    @RecoveringLion
    @Trappist
    @Banjaxed
    @NF4L
    @Lavrans
    @drewharbour
    @kropo82 a definite maybe
    @Healed!
    @Tannhauser
    These are not 'superior ones', but just for today, we got up and stayed sober again.

    I haven't found where I can start a group,
    after reading Forum Rules,
    executing a search and looked at the Group section.
    When we look at this further the door will open;
    (or someone will find it for me.)

    I'm not sure it requires premium membership?
    Where did you find that in writing @RecoveringLion ?

    yours,
     
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2018
  8. RecoveringLion

    RecoveringLion Fapstronaut

    146
    373
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    I dig it. Sorry for the radio silence the last few days. Was busy trying to avoid divorce. (Succeeded).
     
    Healed! likes this.
  9. @RecoveringLion, @Banjaxed, @NF4L, @Lavrans, @drewharbour, @kropo82,

    @Healed!

    Tried to PM the group, but could not with the above names. Maybe someone else can?




    Input sought about focus, emphasis or structure for the group.

    In this “cone of silence”

    • Are there really more private things that couldn’t be said in a regular thread?

    • Do we loose critical mass by limiting membership or rather gain focus?

    • How do the other two PA groups fare? (Support group for couples and support group for PAs trying to regain trust?)
    How did you solve your divorce avoidance, @RecoveringLion?
    Anything the group can offer or learn?

    I know I had a talk with my SO last night, which was maybe harsher than I needed,
    trying to get clarity on a project of hers. On our anniversary. Apologized this am.
    But she thought it was OK.

    My focus is SAA 12 step, currently on fourth step; with assistance to sponsees and 3 mtgs a week.
    Love the resources found on this SOs pages and videos found throughout NF.

    @RecoveringLion, when you get a chance, expand on your reasons why you started the thread?

    Where did you find that only a premium member could start a group?
    I’ve been reading the rules and FAQs for NF.
    Know a bit more now. But haven't found that group info.

    Trappist
     
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2018
  10. drewharbour

    drewharbour Fapstronaut

    I belong to another group Parents and Guardians, which @Tannhauser started. I believe he had a admin start the group. He may be able to guide us. Unfortunately the group hasn’t sparked a lot of conversation. I think primarily because the group conversation isn’t as visible and is more hidden in layers to access. Cruising the forums is easy, accessing the groups is cumbersome. It’s a shame as the intent and focus were similar, a group for those with more responsibility and more to lose. Higher consequence and perhaps more maturity. The segment of fapstranauts looking to lose their virginity and attract a date often don’t align with the priorities of those trying to hold their family together.
    A concern is generating enough conversation to keep interest and attendance high. I would suggest open group to maximize contribution. I’m an offender of part time contribution as life is busy but likely most of the mature men are. Larger numbers may float conversation better but I suppose downside is less communal feel.
     
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  11. The problem with an open group, is that its really no different from what we already have. There's nothing preventing any of us from responding to each others threads. It might be nice to have "read only" privileges for those not in the group, but I doubt the forum supports that.

    Actually, what might really make sense is another public section of the forum. The rule would be that the section is for married PA's with a significant amount of sobriety, just like we have a SA section and a partner support section. Nothing prevents other people from responding, but posts need to be done by someone meeting the criteria, or moderators move them. That might work ok.
     
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  12. Tannhauser

    Tannhauser Fapstronaut

    I found a thread that recommended I contact @themammothrept to start a new group. I sent in a message with a proposal and it was approved. I believe groups can have an application process, or they can be open to whomever wishes to click join.

    I'm interested in joining the group too! Let me know when it gets up and going.
     
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  13. Thank you for the reply!

    The lead by drew harbor
    and your response heartens.

    Will further.

    Thanks.
     
  14. RecoveringLion

    RecoveringLion Fapstronaut

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    I agree, that may be best. A public section for those at an intermediate+ level of recovery, and it could have its own spousal support section as well.
     
  15. I sent this just now, cc'd @NF4L:

    @2525,

    Would you help me find a way to start this group?


    Group Name: Married PAs with time in recovery

    Motto: To intimacy and beyond.

    Description: This group is for currently married/committed Porn Addicts in recovery groups or therapy with time in recovery.
    • Where do you go after being on NoFap for 6 or 7 months of no PM, or after 60 to 90 day hard mode no PMO?
    • A good place to post questions that might trigger a spouse or ask for support as you work your program;
    • Sharing recovery methods, post helpful links and help others live in consultation.
    • Inclusive of those 12 step programs as well as other methods.
    • Ask embarrassing questions.
    Rules:
    • General forum rules apply with group
    • Group managers can enforce General Forum rules and civility.
    • A group conscience can vote changes and act on disruptions.
    • Slips must reset your counter, but once you are in you can stay.
    These are current members interested:
    @RecoveringLion
    @Trappist
    @Banjaxed
    @NF4L
    @Lavrans
    @drewharbour
    @kropo82 a definite maybe
    @Healed!
    @Tannhauser

    These are the names of those interested,

    Let me know if you can help or to whom I should look.

    Thank you,
    Trappist
     
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2018
  16. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    Don't forget, sobriety is different than recovery ;)
    90 days hard mode doesn't get to the root of the problem. It puts a bandaid over the booboo. It's a good start, but it's not actively working recovery.

    Good luck, men :)
     

  17. A timely note as if you were the gal with the champagne bottle smacking this launch on the bow, christening with hopeful guidance.

    Thank you!
     
    0111zerozero11 likes this.
  18. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    Cheers!
     
  19. Group application in process and going through channels.
     
  20. Will need a graphic for the groups public link.
    Suggestions solicited.
     

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