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A girl clearly likes me (and I like her too) but I don't have the balls to do anything

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Ghaith147, Jan 25, 2018.

  1. Ghaith147

    Ghaith147 Fapstronaut

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    I know this girl in class who likes me even before her best friend told me that she does a few weeks back (presumably so that I will finally make a move on her) and I like her too---a LOT---but every time I see her in class or get near her, I act as if she doesn't exist!

    I won't even look at her even though every 5 or so minutes she'll look in my general direction (she sits a few rows in front of me and I always see her head turn around... and of course, like the idiot that I am, I won't look at her). Sometimes, she'll walk right in front of me and I'll sit still like a statue without looking at her or saying something to her. It's like I am programmed to act like she's invisible every time I see her.

    I know she's getting really frustrated by now because for three months , she's been giving me all these clues and hints that she likes me and she's doing all that she can to get my attention and I know she wants me to approach her but I just can't make myself do any of those let alone just look at her or smile!

    Of course, I don't have any problem chatting it up with the other girls in my vicinity but I clam up every time I see her. She probably thinks I don't like her or I'm not interested in her when it's completely the opposite---I think about her a lot and run scenarios in my head where I finally have the balls to even just look at her but when the day comes, I go back into my normal I'm-pretending-I-don't-see-you-even-though-I-do-and-I'm-dying-to-talk-to-you mode. She's exactly my type, too---tall, smart, curly long hair, attractive face/body, etc. but I'm too much of a wuss around her and I don't know why.

    God, I hate myself right now. :(
     
    Shaque118 likes this.
  2. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Do you feel you deserve to be with her?

    Even if she's interested now... dating her would mean that there's a chance that she won't approve of you after getting to know the real you. Maybe you don't want to find out and you rather things stay like this so you can hold on to the current situation that you're certain of.

    Maybe you're afraid of messing it up. The longer you hesitated the worst it got. Now it's awkward for you to change how you've been treating her. You've been making it into an even bigger deal with each encounter.

    You've been procrastinating because you don't know how things will turn out and you don't act unless there's a guarantee that things will work out.

    You've been trying to find the perfect moment or perfect way to approach her even though there isn't one.

    That procrastination and perfectionism has completely paralyzed you. So you act like you're not interested in her to avoid facing the reality that you need to actually do something about your desires. All this stems from your insecurities.

    You're officially messing up a great opportunity.

    The great perhaps is the life you could possibly have if you only had the courage to face the tension and uncertainty of a messy / awkward / unideal / imperfect reality. You're too busy daydreaming a perfect scenario that doesn't exist.
     
  3. kayesem

    kayesem Fapstronaut

    Cut yourself some slack dude.

    We shy away from things we care most about. If she knows that, then she will love you for it.

    So talk to her best friend!

    Explain the situation. You are open to her and interested, but super shy and can't manage to find your wits when you need them most, which is very normal and a common thing for many of us.

    Ask her friend to let her know that it may be up to her to make the first move/s. Otherwise, you fear that a great opportunity might be wasted and that would be a shame.

    Stop beating yourself up focussing on what you can't do, and focus on what you can do. There's no need to presume that you are expected to have all the right moves. That could be any other guy but you, and she's not into that, she's into you.
     
    LuckyFool likes this.
  4. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    If you keep acting like a scared cuck Chad's going to come along and snatch her away from you.
     
  5. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Chad is definitely coming soon. Chad will approach her aggressively. He knows not everyone will like him, but the more he approaches, the more he gets rejected, and the more success he gets. So he's not worried about being smooth or perfect. He just goes for it. He doesn't need to wait for perfect circumstances. He can deal with the messy, awkward, unideal, imperfect, painful, problematic, and uncertain reality. He follows his desires fully without attaching his self worth to outcomes.

    Chad gets a bad rep sometimes, but Chad gets the ladies.
     
  6. SanityOverVanity

    SanityOverVanity Fapstronaut

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    Dude, you're human, it happens. First thing to do is stop feeling sorry for yourself. It's hardly an irreversible situation. In fact, it's potentially a character defining moment for you.

    Second thing is to clear your mind of these scenarios you've established. They never, ever help. If you want any evidence just take a look at any other thread similar to yours on the site.

    Third thing to do is make your move, plain and simple. You clearly have an abundance of subject matters, pick one. You have a class (or a few, I gather) together, say anything mutually relatable. Suggest studying together or just straight up surprise her and ask her out for coffee. Best thing in the end is to focus on the moment and nothing else. Make eye contact, smile, be positive and let it flow naturally.

    The biggest positive I can take out of you ignoring her for so long is that when she finally realises you do like her, she'll be floored (or even more pissed lol)
     
    Mandibule and kayesem like this.
  7. kayesem

    kayesem Fapstronaut

    Yeah.

    And if you see Chad, punch him in the dick.
     
    Dunmer54 and Ghaith147 like this.
  8. Theultimatefighter_21

    Theultimatefighter_21 Fapstronaut

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    The better thing for you to do is getting the balls for it! If the girl likes you, and you like her, just answer equally! Take confidence from NoFap, for example!
     
  9. Shaque118

    Shaque118 Fapstronaut

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    Bro, I am exactly the same way and in the same situation. What I think it is is that we're both already looking too deep in the future about discussing our PMO addiction with that person and fear rejection. We fear it so much to the point that we don't even take the chance to even let someone be trustworthy.
    Sometimes, I think it's just a scorpio thing lol, however sometimes I truly believe that it's a nofap thing. I'm not sure but I do know one thing, either we nut up or we lose that opportunity and when you lose that opportunity it will have an effect on your PMO and you may relapse. Therefore, just do it. Takes 10 seconds if you embarrass yourself she will make you feel better if she truly likes you.
    So come on bro, from one person to another give out some inspiration!
     
    TC10 likes this.
  10. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    Chad sounds like a mischievous monkey.
     
    Hitto and Deleted Account like this.
  11. Mandibule

    Mandibule New Fapstronaut

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    I do have to agree on that point. It's like something clicked in me around the second week, and by the 3rd week, i got myself a date from a beautiful girl i met in a new friend group i made. HAH!

    It's also one of the reason i keep myself on this streak. So far, this journey has been life changing for me.
     
    Deleted Account, TC10 and Shaque118 like this.
  12. Green Monstah

    Green Monstah Fapstronaut

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    You need to ask yourself one question, “Do I want to live my life looking back on a ‘what if?’”

    I have missed out on so many wonderful opportunities. I went through some dark times in my life. There was at least one girl who was always there for me. She always lit up in my presence, the cute way she said hello to me, and would never miss an opportunity to hug me. She and I worked out together, which I bragged about to my friends, however that’s as far as we went... My friends said “Ask her to dinner.” My response was “She will never date me. She is a 10 and I am a 2.” I watched her move away and end up in a really serious relationship with some guy. I am STIL hating myself for missing out… maybe nothing would have happened, but I really wish I tried… (I literally just shed a tear recalling this). I have plenty more stories like this. I failed out of grad school, became a PMO addict… no motivation for anything, not even dating…

    Please, ask her for a coffee. I would say be honest with her. Tell her you have feelings for her, but also tell her you a looking to take it slow, that could explain why you are hesitating. Yes, it IS okay to take things slow if you are looking for something meaningful. Tell her you can be a little shy, not every girls has a problem with this. Tell her “I like you. I just never said anything… I wasn’t sure if time wasn’t right…” but girls appreciate honesty.

    If she really likes you like you say you do, please go for it!

    I have been improving my dating game in the last year. Nothing solid or serious yet, but I did hit a turning point. I was touring Europe and I say an attractive lady. Idk what came over me for the first time in a long time, but I just HAD to say hello to her. Long story short, we had an amazing day together. IT was special, and it was romantic. If you are interested in the whole story, check out my post How I went from "forever alone" to having an amazing romantic experience in Europe. “This is the part where I realized that I CAN make an awesome date happen. My future gf is out there somewhere, and I have what it takes to make it happen.

    I am BEGGING you to act. You will feel so much worse if she was to end up with some other guy, and you were to look back and wonder why that wasn’t you. I am telling you like it is. It sucks. It hurts.

    Good luck! We are all pulling for you buddy!
     
  13. Shaque118

    Shaque118 Fapstronaut

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    The guy above me is right... I lost a lot of opportunities as well as a result of this.
     
  14. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    Wayne Gretzky said every shot not taken is a one hundred percent miss. When I got sick of being a wallflower I started approaching girls and it is worth it.
     
    eugenekrabs and Green Monstah like this.
  15. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    We don't know what's going to happen. So let's find out. Be curious and playful. See what you can get away with. Have the audacity to try and say "why not me?". Be gregarious to reach beyond your current place. Be bold and daring. Life is one big experimental playground. Take a risk.

    The reason we hesitate is because we think this is our only chance. So we make a big deal about it. We don't realize how much more opportunities open up when we get rejected or fail. There are so many interesting and great people to meet. So hurry up and get rejected already if she's not the one you're meant to be with.

    "[Life] is like surfing. You have to get on a surfboard, and paddle through, and wait for a long time hoping that you’ll catch a wave. And you’ll try and catch them and miss them, and someone else will catch them, and everyone will cheer. And eventually, you’ll catch a wave. And you’ll ride it, and it will be fantastic, and you’ll be really great, and you’ll get all the way to the end. And then the wave will inevitably crash. And you’ll have to turn around, and you’ll have to paddle back out. And you’ll have to get hit by waves as you get back out there. And then once you get out there, you’re going to have to sit around there for a long time waiting for another wave to come along. But the way that surfing works, is that there are always sets of waves that will always come through. And that the goal is to be patient enough to value that metaphor.” - Neil Patrick Harris.
     
    Hitto and Green Monstah like this.
  16. The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

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    So your best friend tells you everything you wrote here (which, was excellent - thank you for sharing that with us). But your best friend turns to you and tells you this there's this girl he's pining over, but can't look at, and gets all tongue-tied around her, what would you say to him?
     
    Green Monstah likes this.
  17. You should seriously grow a pair of balls and at least talk to her. Your head is not going to vaporize.
     
  18. Prince The Alpha Male

    Prince The Alpha Male Fapstronaut

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  19. Prince The Alpha Male

    Prince The Alpha Male Fapstronaut

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    The thing here is that in your mind what u doing, ignoring her, acting like she doesn't exist makes u superior and u start thinking it will make her notice or assume that you don't care then she will start liking you. Its typical PMO behavior. You need to learn that the only way to actually make women like you is to actually talk to them and give them something to like. But please make sure you keep your distance and maintain apha male behavior. I'm not saying ignore her but give her something to look forward and don't show off your feelings to a girl early, actually don't show them at all and make sure you never be the first to say "I love you" this keeps things up always. girl's love competition as much as they one day come crying and begging for your love, they really don't want it. Its the power of you being what they want but cant have. So always be that guy and u will get any girl
    .Good Luck. Ohh and remember to practice confidence, if you don't have confidence then all this is basically useless fam. Good Luck again brother
     
  20. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    No.

    What you're suggesting is acting in a way you think you should act in order to be liked by others. In this case, you're suggesting to act like a pick up artist that "will get any girl". You're basically reacting to women when you do this. It communicates that you're not good enough as you are, she's above you, and you need tricks / manipulation / deception to close that gap. You're placing more importance and value on women you barely know rather than on your own self worth / personality. You're uncertain about how your honest expression will be perceived by others so you turn to some alpha male bullshit to try to manipulate the outcome.

    Play games and others will play games with you. It's immature and insecure. It's a desire to control and own others. The only thing you will achieve with this way of life is you get low self esteemed women who will like you for somebody that you aren't. Any woman that's of higher quality don't have time for games.

    "Practice confidence"?? What does that even mean?? You gain confidence by repeatedly having the courage to go through hardship.

    "Maintain alpha male behavior"?? Do you really want to be some generic, lifeless, and basic copy of what mainstream media thinks a man should be or do you want to express yourself in an honest way and attract those that actually resonate with your authentic self?

    This kind of immature behavior allows people to think they're being alpha, but it's simply a fear of being rejected for who they really are. It's trying to convince / compensate / perform their way into being liked by others. It's the opposite side of the same coin when it comes to seeking approval / shyness / placing people on pedestals.

    Tricks are for kids.
     

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